My husband and I have 3 children together. He has 3 children with his ex-wife. Two of his children with his ex-wife are grown (specifically 19 and 21). She has been on welfare for years.
My husband was injured and has not worked in 4 years. During this time he was fighting for Social Security. Now that he has been approved, they are taking over half his check to pay back child support and the 19 year old and youngest child are also getting SSI checks. I have lost my job and my children are the ones suffering. What can I do?
By jjfab from Portland, TN
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If he owes back child support, he owes back child support. That happens when you get involved with a divorced person who is supposed to be paying child support. I tried to tell my daughter that, when she was 20 and planning on marrying a man with a small child from a previous marriage. Specifically I told her she would end up resenting it and she did, then when their youngest of four was less than two years old the dad left for another woman and within a year they had a kid of their own. There were times he got behind on child support to my daughter because he was changing jobs, or whatever, he lives in another state, so he never go far enough behind for the state to go after him and bring him back. The daughter he has with his third wife has never had to go without anything and the wife doesn't work. Their daughter has the best clothes, takes ballet lessons, horseback riding lessons, and on and on.
My advice is hurry up and get a job, child support enforcement can't touch your wages. Whenever I talk to somebody who is considering getting involved with somebody, be it male or female who has to pay child support, because there is bound to end up being some kind of problems; I advise them to steer clear of the relationship. From what I have heard my former son-in-laws current wife had done her fair share of complaining because he is paying child support and their daughter has to go without because of it.
Sounds like your the one that is being resentful Joan. Someone that think they are in love will not listen to you advising them to move on because the other party has a relationship with someone that has a child. jjfab, regretfully Joans one piece of advice about finding a job is correct.
I feel for you! Have you looked for jobs caring for additional children in your home or coming to their home? Caring for an elderly person in his or her home is another possibility. If you're not seeing advertisements ask about such jobs among friends or at churches.
Go down to the social security department and talk to them. He should no longer be paying anything for the 21 year old and I don't believe he is responsible for the 19 yr old but I am not sure. SSD should be able to clarify what his responsibility is. Of course if it is back pay in child support that is a different issue. But talk to SSD to find out.
I am not sure about the older children but a man is obligated to suppose all of his children, not just the ones from the latest wife. You are going to have to find another job maybe out of your normal field of work but he must support his kids. If he was not paying his child support in the past then he has to make it up. Yes your children are suffering but they are not to blame. Definitely check about the two older children but my guess is that the money they are getting is the back support they did not get when he owed it.
It does not matter whether the children are 19 or 21 or 25, if he owes back child support, he owes back child support. That's why it's called "back" child support. Someone had to support those children while he wasn't supporting them, and I can bet that the mother went without things so her children could be provided for. I've been there, and believe me, I would have much rather had the money while my son was young. He is now 30 and I'm still collecting back child support. My ex-husband was over $30,000 behind in support. Lest someone think we were supposed to get a boatload of money from him every month, His support payments were only $200 a month - so that tells you what a deadbeat dad he became. Except for two months in the middle, we received absolutely no child support from the time my son was two years old until he turned 19. That would be 17 years with a 2-month payment time in the middle. I'm supposed to feel bad for a man who doesn't support his children? I don't think so.
One other thing, You mentioned she was on welfare for years, why do you think she was on welfare? If he'd been helping to support his children, she probably wouldn't have to be on welfare! Also, if she was on welfare, I would imagine that the State who supported them when he didn't gets some of that money that you're begrudging those children.
He must owe a whole lot more than four years of back child support if they are taking half of his current monthly checks because he would have been reimbursed for the four years back disability pay in a lump sum, if indeed he originally filed for SSD four years ago, and the back child support would have been taken from that. It also doesn't matter if the former wife has been on welfare for years because he still was responsible for those other three childrens support.
There are jobs out there even if they are at a fast food restaurant, as a bagger at a grocery store or even house keeping at a motel. If you can't get full time then get two or three part time jobs. I feel badly for your children and your situation but you need to pull up your big girl pants and find something, even if you feel it's beneath you, to take care of your children. At least you don't have to pay for a babysitter or daycare because your husband can be doing that since he cannot work so the situation is not completely bad.
Advice to all young people reading this and looking for a spouse, if you marry someone with children with a former spouse you never know what your future holds. I never considered a serious relationship with a divorced man with children. I didn't want to work to support anyone's children other than my own. Just my two cents worth.
It doesn't matter how old the children are, back child support is the money he should have been paying all those years.
I have had to deal with this as well so I feel no pity there. You married a man with baggage. His obligations will and do interfere with your life and your children's lives.
I had to work 3 jobs to keep my children in basic necessities until I met my 2nd husband who had two children he was raising. We put our funds together and made it. I now get "back" child support from my ex's disability check and believe me hon he will never be able to pay me what the cost of raising a child is if you put it in proper prospective.
I wish you the best but sometimes you have to dig deep and come up with your own resources to make ends meet. It is unfortunate but it does happen.
I understand the father having to pay back child support. I don't understand how the children can also collect SSI checks. I thought the father had to be deceased before the children could collect SSI.
Ssi, social security and disability are different things... ssi is for kids who need extra help... disability is when u can't work any job full time cuz of a health or mental illness etc, and social security is the money you made for working. The kids aren't drawing his social security but SSI...so he has nothing to do with it dead or alive...but if he pays support they will decease the amount the kids can get monthly. Its kinda confusing how they calculate it but it can't be over the monthly amount that a kid can draw which is now $733...but adults can draw both disablity and social security my mom brings in 759 so its all different but the father can be dead or alive... hope that makes sense... lol
Wow...does it make u ppl feel better bout urselves to tell ppl this type of stuff...if the husband is disabled under their rules hes really not suppose to do alot of things my mom leaves w me cuz she's disabled and me and my husband work but we don't leave our kids with her just for free child care she's not able to, kids need someone who run after them, play with them, cook them meals, and be prepared for emergencies if her husband can't do all those i wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my children w him free or not. And no u don't get a lump sum anymore well since 2011 they break it up into three installments ...and they can only take so much of his check my mom owed them and they wouldn't take but 54 dollars out every month which was like 15% of her check they won't leave u broke. I don't judge ppl whether they draw welfare or not it's not my business but both ur kids and the other kids are suffering or had suffered it wasn't ur responsibility to care for them but it is his and a kid is a kid doesn't matter whose they should be treated fairly and not have to do without. Have u tried TEA or dhs they provide child care vouchers for up to so long til u get on ur feet and then make pay half and after 24 months they let u go on ur own ...I did it years ago it's a good program...helped a lot!!! Even helped w getting a car and paid to get tags. Anyways I know this is an post just figured I would say something. Its not fair to comment bout others situations if ur never walked in their shoes. Honey ask God and he will provide u with what you need cuz w Him u will never be without!!! And pray for ppl who don't know Him and need his direction. Have a bless day!!!
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