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Food Jokes

Category Jokes
Food is a great topic for lots of jokes, both adult and children's. This is a guide about food jokes.


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By 1 found this helpful
May 30, 2006

Sam and Edith were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to show them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath and their favorite clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."

Sam asked how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," their companion replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."

Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever-built on Earth.


"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is heaven," the companion replied. "You can play for free, every day."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said their companion to Sam. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Edith. "Well, where are the low fat and low-cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked. "That's the best part," the companion replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"

Sam pushed,"No gym to work out at?" "Not unless you want to," was the answer. "No testing my sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."

Sam glared at Edith and said, "You and your crappy bran muffins. We could have been here 15 years ago!!"

By Terri from NV

Comment Was this helpful? 1

May 12, 20080 found this helpful

Why did the man throw his buttered toast?

Because he wanted to watch the butterfly.

Comment Was this helpful? Yes

March 3, 20060 found this helpful

Has anyone ever noticed that the only food that never goes up in price is "food for thought"?

By Robin from Washington, IA

Comment Was this helpful? Yes

May 18, 20050 found this helpful

What did one pancake say to the other pancake?

See you on the flip side.

By JOHN (Made that one up myself.)

Comment Was this helpful? Yes

March 19, 20050 found this helpful

How do you fix a broken pizza?

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March 17, 20050 found this helpful

What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom?

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March 1, 20050 found this helpful

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in a farmer's garden.

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December 4, 20040 found this helpful

Q: Which is better, perfect contentment or a ham sandwich? A: A ham sandwich. Because nothing is better than perfect contentment but... a ham sandwich is better than nothing! By Anna

Comment Was this helpful? Yes
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