Double Birthday Party Dilemma

My daughter is turning 2 in September, we have been talking about and making loose plans for her birthday since we have a few months.

My husband brought up the idea of having a double birthday with one of my daughter's playmates because their birthdays are around the same time and because the playmate's family is very small. I didn't agree but said that we would talk about it.


Well, my husband goes to work and tells the playmate's father that we are thinking of having a double birthday party for the two girls. So now the family of the other child is so happy that we are having a double party when I never agreed to one. We tried to back out gracefully but my husband got guilty and agreed AGAIN without me (MEN!!! :))

Anyway, I'm trying to figure out if it's even possible. I would have 30 people in all coming to this party for my daughter and they would invite 3. Which would mean, ofcourse, that one child would have drastically less presents than the other child. I don't know what to do. Simply not opening presents is not an option. My family are real sticklers for watching kids open gifts.

How do I do all this, Invitations, presents. I'm so lost and confused.


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June 11, 20050 found this helpful

Emilee--maybe when you send out the party invitations you can say that it is a double party wiith a friend to share both birthdays and ask them to bring a little gift for a birthday wishing well(like a wedding) This way, you can give these gifts to the neighbors child in place of all the gifts your daughter will receive. This is an idea! As usual, men always put their foot in their mouths--if all else fails, let hubby fill the wishing well. Carolyn

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By (Guest Post)
June 11, 20050 found this helpful

You could invite your family at say 1:00 and open presents shortly thereafter, maybe even serve nlunch for them, -and have the other child and family invited for , say 3:00. Then do the shared cake and ice cream thing.


I do like the idea of asking people to bring a token gift for the other child, too. Even the dollar store has great items. Also, at 2, the kids will be more interested in the ribbons and wrappings than the presents.

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June 11, 20050 found this helpful

Looking from another perspective, I think you are in shock. It's your daughters 2nd birthday and I'm sure she or the other little girl are'nt counting gifts? They probably will have fun just because it's a party? The 30 people comming-how many are kids? What ages? What types of gifts do they usually give? For years we had combinaton parties because two of my boys were born 1yr and three days apart and my sister in law had one in there too. So most Januarys we had one party for the three, sometimes her parents and relatives came and also mine. I don't recall any year that the children looked at the gifts from the "others relatives" and thought anything of it. The only thing that seemed to matter to them was to have their own cake and most of the time the only thing that mattered was THE CANDLES. We'd light them all and sing to all three. Depending on the ages-we'd get out the UNO cards, play viedos(you know how they have their favoirtes) and just have a nice time.

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By Ann (Guest Post)
June 12, 20050 found this helpful

I know you didn't mention this option, but at 2 the party is more for the adults. I have 4 children and they would have been overwhelmed by that many people there for them. Your daughter may be used to them, but I don't think the other child would have a good time with that many strangers.


Maybe you could talk to the other mom from that angle - out of concern for her childs speical day...and get you off the hook.

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By tahtah (Guest Post)
June 13, 20050 found this helpful

I really wouldn't know what to do either! Actually I'd just back out. i go all out on birthdays and i think its all about the birthday kid that day so i wouldn't share....a not so close friend wanted to share a party with my 2 year old but i said no...because like you...we'd have 35 people and she'd have a couple coming. hmm....could you have a small party with the friend and invite the same number as her and then have a big family party??? otherwise just let people know from your side its a double party and i'm sure some people will bring her something small. hope everything works out well!

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By Fran Marie (Guest Post)
June 14, 20050 found this helpful

I would feel put out if someone asked me to bring a gift for another child at a double party if I didn't know the people.


Explain your dilemma to the other parents and get their input, especially if they are sharing the expense of the party. Tell them the truth, you were blindsided by your husband's behavior, are stressed and need their help.

Then tell your husband if he does this to you again he is on his own and you will not participate in something you had no input. Period! That was highly inconsiderate.

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By JW (Guest Post)
July 6, 20050 found this helpful

I've had the dilemma of a large number of guests before, and made two separate parties. One for my daughter's playmates only, and one for family.

You could level the playing field if you only have kids at the shared party. Say that you read, which is true (<:, that young children, esp toddlers should only have one guest plus their age: meaning three guests. If you want more, then fine, but fudge it. You may not have a choice about the shared party, but it doesn't have to be a major shindig. Save your family time and family friends for later.


ON THE OTHER HAND: You may just want to avoid the gift opening and go with plan A. If grandparents etc and family want to join your daughter at your house later for gifts, then do that. Have the party at a neutral location, like a gym or dance studio, pool, park or free banquet room at a pizza parlor. Above all, don't stress. THE THIRD OPTION IS TO HAVE SEPARATE PARTIES: Tell them that you are expecting 30 guests and can't handle the added stress of coordinating the two girls' parties as well. Invite them to attend and say hey, we'll come to yours if you come to ours! Be apologetic and say you just didn't realize what a headache this party is becoming, that you really don't want to be miserable for your child's birthday and it has nothing to do with them. Honesty is not a bad thing and they may find that the inequity of guests and gifts is enough reason to split up.

Above all, don't allow this to make you miserable and miss your precious one's big day because you are so keyed up. I have been nearly exactly where you stand and I mean it--it all goes by so fast! Now my daughter is going to be four this week.

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By guest (Guest Post)
July 7, 20050 found this helpful

This is definitely a difficult situation, but it might be a lot less stressful if you just let the party happen and let things work themselves out. The other parents probably won't be bothered that their child will have fewer presents and will be grateful for the opportunity to meet new people and have a good time. It's very sweet of you to be worried about their feelings, but they may not be as concerned by a lack of presents as you think they might. Good luck:)!

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By Laura (Guest Post)
July 27, 20050 found this helpful

Me and my cousin are having our Sweet 16 together and we have no clue what to do. We are being kinda cheap and we want it to be sorta big so...any suggestion will be appreciated. Thanks oober muchly.

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