Win the war in the end! Pay your child support. Non custodial parents: when your children are grown they will respect you so much more if they know you paid your part to get them raised.
If you are married to someone that owes child support, make it your responsibility to see that your step children are taken care of financially. If you owe back child support that means the custodial parent has given you a loan, pay them back.
Of course, the custodial parent is not spending the money exactly like you would spend it and they might appear to have more than you but if you pay you can ultimately hold your head up and your place as their parent (notice this is non gender). If your circumstances have changed since your order, file the necessary paperwork and have your child support revised (you can do this without an attorney), but do you part!
As the custodial parent I can not agree any more! My daughter's father pays weekly support until she is graduated from HS (6 months after she turns 18). It is automatically deducted from his check and direct deposited into our account. By no means does what he send help cover very much in what it cost to raise her (she is active in band, cheerleading and soccer at school), but it is definitely a help. She also knows that she will never have to do without what she needs - she does not always get what she wants. She has learned to earn money for the things she likes to do (she babysits).
I also think it is important not to bad mouth the other parent. Her dad and I had issues (he was unfaithful for a long time) not her and her dad. I have let her draw her own conclusions and opinions.
Have a great day! :)
This is so true! Just think how much it cost for your child to go into daycare while their mom or dad works (so much more that your child support!). You child support covers more that their clothes, shoes & food. It will help pay for their orthodontics & dental visits & even make it possible for them to play sports & have hobbies! (these things are not cheap). & Yes! your child will respect you more & you'll have a better relationship with them now & especially when they're grown.
I totally agree with mrsbutler about never badmouthing the other parent (or their new wife or husband). This only makes you look the fool. Your child will figure it out in the long run.
My daughter (now 30) wants nothing to do with her "father". All because he wouldn't pay the $120 per month child support when she was young (yes, it's true, the support was very low & I never raised it!) She figures he wasn't a "real" father because he didn't step up to his obligations & must not have cared! Thank goodness she was dressed well because I could sew. I had to scrimp to pay for her gymnastics & orthodontics & daycare & she appreciates it to this day!
When I was growing up, my father paid $88 per month in child support to my mother for me and my brothers (per child). I'm sure my mom could have had it raised over the years but she never did. When I graduated from high school, Dad sent me the $88 instead and that was a nice help when I was in college. He just always treated it like any other bill. He would also slip a $5 bill in the envelope (at some point, it went up to $10.) That way I could get a latte or lunch on Dad.
My mom certainly could have badmouthed Dad about some things but she rarely would say anything bad about anyone, much less our father. I hope I have absorbed some of this generosity of spirit from her.
That reminds me: I need to remind my son to take care of the revision ASAP. He was recently laid off, and he, his fiancee, and their son struggle financially even with her paycheck.
I agree that any parent that is not living in the home with the child should make child support a priority above everything but it does not always mean the child(ren) will have respect as an adult. My hubby did what he was suppose to do and more and one of his adult children has shown him (my hubby) major disrespect in the past and told my hubby he was not a good dad when she was growing up. Sadly the ex-wife brain washed the kids but the oldest kid was old enough to know better.
Mary in Camden
Yes notwrong Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes! Paying maintenance does not guarantee respect, but not paying maintenance guarantees children feeling abandoned and rejected. My ex-husband paid maintenance and is continuing paying, although our daughter has been working for more than a year, although I had to take him to court for university costs. Maybe he got such a fright he just continued paying! But: make sure his contribution is acknowledged and appreciated.
My son paid his child support for 18 years for two children. Here was his "thanks dad" he has been treated like a 2nd class citizen, neve got a school picture, neve had the children on the holiday always after the holiday, never invited to any of their functions, afte awhile he would not even call for he was tired of hearing "their not here, I'll give them the message" My son gave his best effort to still be their dad, but his ex-wife was to busy trying out new dads for his children. So much for doing the right thing and getting respect.
And the Moon is made out of cheese. You have obviously never been on the other end of a vindictive ex who has every evil intention and has lied to the FOC and gets away with it. My case has been alive for just over 25 years and my kids are adults, married and have children of their own and I am still paying "reimbursement". But yet my ex acts like the case started yesterday. I have lost everything and was even homeless for a while. I have filed so many motions with the FOC and have lost every single one of them. My latest motion was Dec of 2015 where I asked to have my payments lowered because I am now disabled and on a fixed income. I attached everything I have from social security disability and my monthly expenses. The FOC referee said that she didn't believe me and therefore I lost again. I had letters written to the FOC from social security, my apt manager, and my bills, but it still wasn't good enough. This entire process has made me see clearly that it does not work and all the FOC cares about is the bottom line... their black and white figures. Now the FOC is going to take $750 of my $1079 monthly disability check. Now you tell me, can anyone live on $329 a month? Things are not always a clean cut as you have made them out to be. You either work for the FOC or you have no clue what it is like to this extent, or you work for the FOC and like everyone else there, you don't care. Change the ending of your post "By notwrong" to "By don't have a clue".
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