Win the war in the end! Pay your child support. Non custodial parents: when your children are grown they will respect you so much more if they know you paid your part to get them raised.
If you are married to someone that owes child support, make it your responsibility to see that your step children are taken care of financially. If you owe back child support that means the custodial parent has given you a loan, pay them back.
Of course, the custodial parent is not spending the money exactly like you would spend it and they might appear to have more than you but if you pay you can ultimately hold your head up and your place as their parent (notice this is non gender). If your circumstances have changed since your order, file the necessary paperwork and have your child support revised (you can do this without an attorney), but do you part!
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As the custodial parent I can not agree any more! My daughter's father pays weekly support until she is graduated from HS (6 months after she turns 18). It is automatically deducted from his check and direct deposited into our account. By no means does what he send help cover very much in what it cost to raise her (she is active in band, cheerleading and soccer at school), but it is definitely a help.
I also think it is important not to bad mouth the other parent. Her dad and I had issues (he was unfaithful for a long time) not her and her dad. I have let her draw her own conclusions and opinions.
Have a great day! :)
This is so true! Just think how much it cost for your child to go into daycare while their mom or dad works (so much more that your child support!). You child support covers more that their clothes, shoes & food. It will help pay for their orthodontics & dental visits & even make it possible for them to play sports & have hobbies! (these things are not cheap). & Yes! your child will respect you more & you'll have a better relationship with them now & especially when they're grown.
I totally agree with mrsbutler about never badmouthing the other parent (or their new wife or husband). This only makes you look the fool. Your child will figure it out in the long run.
My daughter (now 30) wants nothing to do with her "father". All because he wouldn't pay the $120 per month child support when she was young (yes, it's true, the support was very low & I never raised it!) She figures he wasn't a "real" father because he didn't step up to his obligations & must not have cared! Thank goodness she was dressed well because I could sew. I had to scrimp to pay for her gymnastics & orthodontics & daycare & she appreciates it to this day!
When I was growing up, my father paid $88 per month in child support to my mother for me and my brothers (per child). I'm sure my mom could have had it raised over the years but she never did. When I graduated from high school, Dad sent me the $88 instead and that was a nice help when I was in college.
My mom certainly could have badmouthed Dad about some things but she rarely would say anything bad about anyone, much less our father. I hope I have absorbed some of this generosity of spirit from her.
That reminds me: I need to remind my son to take care of the revision ASAP. He was recently laid off, and he, his fiancee, and their son struggle financially even with her paycheck.
I agree that any parent that is not living in the home with the child should make child support a priority above everything but it does not always mean the child(ren) will have respect as an adult. My hubby did what he was suppose to do and more and one of his adult children has shown him (my hubby) major disrespect in the past and told my hubby he was not a good dad when she was growing up. Sadly the ex-wife brain washed the kids but the oldest kid was old enough to know better.
Mary in Camden
Yes notwrong Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes! Paying maintenance does not guarantee respect, but not paying maintenance guarantees children feeling abandoned and rejected. My ex-husband paid maintenance and is continuing paying, although our daughter has been working for more than a year, although I had to take him to court for university costs. Maybe he got such a fright he just continued paying! But: make sure his contribution is acknowledged and appreciated.
My son paid his child support for 18 years for two children. Here was his "thanks dad" he has been treated like a 2nd class citizen, neve got a school picture, neve had the children on the holiday always after the holiday, never invited to any of their functions, afte awhile he would not even call for he was tired of hearing "their not here, I'll give them the message" My son gave his best effort to still be their dad, but his ex-wife was to busy trying out new dads for his children.
And the Moon is made out of cheese. You have obviously never been on the other end of a vindictive ex who has every evil intention and has lied to the FOC and gets away with it. My case has been alive for just over 25 years and my kids are adults, married and have children of their own and I am still paying "reimbursement". But yet my ex acts like the case started yesterday. I have lost everything and was even homeless for a while. I have filed so many motions with the FOC and have lost every single one of them. My latest motion was Dec of 2015 where I asked to have my payments lowered because I am now disabled and on a fixed income. I attached everything I have from social security disability and my monthly expenses. The FOC referee said that she didn't believe me and therefore I lost again. I had letters written to the FOC from social security, my apt manager, and my bills, but it still wasn't good enough. This entire process has made me see clearly that it does not work and all the FOC cares about is the bottom line... their black and white figures. Now the FOC is going to take $750 of my $1079 monthly disability check. Now you tell me, can anyone live on $329 a month? Things are not always a clean cut as you have made them out to be. You either work for the FOC or you have no clue what it is like to this extent, or you work for the FOC and like everyone else there, you don't care. Change the ending of your post "By notwrong" to "By don't have a clue".
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Ask a QuestionHere are the questions asked by community members. Read on to see the answers provided by the ThriftyFun community or ask a new question.
My son has paid court ordered child support payments every week for many years, without missing one payment. When it comes to filing his income tax yearly, why is it that he cannot claim his children, or deduct the Monterey payments from his taxes?
It must be stated in the court papers on who gets what year to claim the children. If it doesn't the domicile parent gets the right. If he wants to claim the kids he will have to have a court and have a court decision on it. As far as not claiming on taxes he paid in on child support no one can, yes its unfair. but at least some states are looking to change this and looking to enforce the parent that don't have the kids rights.
Custodial parents (cp) usually get the tax deduction. This is because, usually, the child support does not cover half of the expenses related to raising kids. Think about it - if you had to take the kids in today and cover all of their expenses, how much would it cost you?
The cp has to pay for renting/buying a bigger place, more bedrooms, than a single person. That costs a lot. Utilities go up, unless the kids don't watch TV, play video games, go on line, have lights in their rooms, etc. The food bill goes way up. In some cases, caring for the kids keeps the cp from taking a higher paying job that would take too much time from the kids, or would require that they move away from the NP.
Then there are school fees and supplies, activity costs, clothes, toys, medical costs not covered by insurance, entertainment, higher costs for eating out, movies and such, babysitters - the list goes on and on. Your son sounds like a good guy. If he feels that he is paying more than half of ALL the child-related expenses, he can try to change things. He can talk to the ex about it. He can go to a lawyer and see if the court might change it. But he should think long and hard before doing anything.
Divorce is hard enough without adding more issues to the mix. The ex is not going to be happy about it, and, no matter how you look at it, it will take money out of the kids household. Would changing this be worth it? Sometimes being mature means not fighting an issue, even if it is unfair.
Here are some word that you will never hear.
"I want to pay my ex spouse more child support but she won't take it."
It costs money to raise children. Whatever they get in child support is never enough. If you bring a child into this world you are obligated to support it.
Does anyone ever wonder what children think when they know the noncustodial parent is trying to shave off every dime they can from their children?
It is usually documented in the divorce papers as to who claims the children on their 1040. Each case is different. In my own, the stipulation was that he would claim the child unless he missed a payment. If he missed one payment for the whole year then I was able to claim my child.
As it turned out, he missed a payment early on and continued to miss from that point on. I then was able to claim my child at that point. So originally, it's not always the custodial parent who gets to claim the child as in my case. He had missed several payments before I claimed him. And the prior poster is correct: Unless the custodial parent gets a TON of child support the support received no where near covers the actual cost of raising a child.
Back in 1982, my support was $200 - My child's daycare while I worked was $40 a week - there's $160+ right there, That left me $40 to buy clothes, food, pay his portion of utilities (laundry, lights, etc.) also provide outside entertainment such as an occasional movie or even a car ride to the country. I couldn't even buy medical insurance with that.
I realize some children received more child support and some received none. And when it became clear that my ex-husband was refusing to pay at all, I had absolutely no qualms about garnishing his Social Security when he started receiving it. My son is now 30 and his child support was finally paid up only a few months ago.
Each state is a bit different. But generally a person must pay at least 51% of the child's living expenses in order to claim them & court ordered support is nowhere near that
Each state is a bit different. But generally a person must pay at least 51% of the child's living expenses in order to claim them & court ordered support is nowhere near that.
Best advice-tell your son to talk to his tax preparer. Different states/different laws . and a little OT, why are you asking-seems like your son needs to be responsible for this and for getting his own answers. If you have a relationship with your grandchildren, you have a relationship with their mom, and you don't want to create a rift there.
Child support payments are never enough to raise a child. Have some sympathy for the Mother of the child unless she's unfit and that's a whole different story.
My husband and I pay child support for our 2 kids who family has. He just got on SSI and I still work. Do I still have to pay child support since he receives SSI and family has guardianship of them?
I receive SS disability. I remarried in 2015. We have a marriage contract. Can my husband's ex take him back to court for more child support and include my SS disability as additional income?
How can I get off paying child support? I only receive $800 dollars after they take it out. I can hardly pay my bills.
By Elbert from Lake Worth, FL
I have a hunch that won't happen until your youngest kid reaches age 18. You are just as responsible to support the kids as their mother is. Maybe you should consider down sizing your living situation, get rid of some of your toys, etc. In order to find out the right answer you will have to talk to the Office of Child Support Collection, or whatever it is called where you live. I know people that live off $600-$700.00 a month, so you aren't doing too badly. These are people that have learned how to economize.
How long have you been paying child support?
What are the ages of your children? Your support payments could state "until child reaches 18 OR until child reaches 21 or is self supporting OR until child finishes college. What did you agree to?
Payments may only drop as the oldest child reaches whatever you agreed to.
Did you try to "fight" paying this amount when your divorce was in progress?
Has your income changed? Up or down?
Have your expenses changed? This answer is immaterial as the court does not ususally care - unless it is for medical reason?
How often do your children visit you? Hours, overnight or weekends?
Has your ex-wife's circumstances changed? (may not matter)
Do you also pay alimony?
Does child support also cover health insurance for the children?
All of these (or most) questions will probably need to be answered before asking for a change in your payments.
Usually - child support is based on many things other than just your income - but - the theory is usually - to keep the "family" in the same type of living conditions they were accustomed to.
Maybe you could consult your divorce attorney for advice..
Sorry, Elbert, but you're not getting any sympathy as they're your children too. And your responsibility. Grow a pair and get with the program! How do you think your kids will feel knowing you're trying to duck your obligation? Good example?
Economizing isn't difficult when you set your mind to it. Get a roommate? Cut down on drinking (if you drink). If you smoke, quit. Learn to cook (it's much less costly than eating out). Take on a part-time job (something you really enjoy)?
Child support is taken out of my pay twice a month, but some months I get a extra paycheck and child support is taken from that too, when I have clearly met my obligations. What can I do about this? I would have liked to place that money in my kids savings under me.
By Erin S
Have you verified that your employer doesn't divide the amount of child support into three parts, for the months that you get three checks?
Got talk to Social Security and ask them what is going on.
Hi - if you are paying child support through your local court agency then they may be able to help you. I am not really sure they can change the way money is removed unless you go to a one time payment at the beginning of each month.
My fiance has been paying child support for a child he's not sure is his. He also doesn't know where the mother is located. How does he go about finding out where the money is actually going?
By Machelle Smith from Atlanta, GA
Well, if he is not sure the child is his he can have that tested. It will cost him to have the test but it could be well worth it.
As for where the money goes that would depend on where he sends it. Is it going to a lawyer's office or to the mother?
If it's going to the mother and he wants to know how she is spending it there is nothing he can do for that unless the child is obviously in need from neglect. Meaning the money isn't going to the well being of the child which is mostly what it is for. It could also be used for the mother's rent or utilities because the child needs these as well. But if the mother is neglecting the child ( bad clothes, little or no food, no school supplies) then he could make an attempt to get custody of the child because of the neglect.
I am a retired Child Support agent for the State of Georgia. In Georgia, your fiance would have been served paperwork by the Sheriff's Department to appear in court regarding the paternity of the child in question. This was the procedure at the time of my retirement. If he had appeared in court, he would be given an opportunity to have paternity testing done at no cost to him unless the DNA testing proved he was, in fact, the father. Then he would have to pay the paternity test costs. If served and he failed to appear in court to dispute paternity, a default order would have been written and he would have been declared as Daddy. The address of the child and mother are confidential information and can't be given to the Father. Likewise, his address also can't be given to the Mother either. If his case is in another state, I can't speak for their regulations. Any support payments go through the Child Support Registry and are sent directly to the Mother either into a banking account if she has one or an electronic payment on a card. I hope that this helps you in some way.
Where does he send the money? It must be an agency if he's not sending it directly to the mother. The agency indeed makes sure the money gets to the mother for the child. Unless he goes to family court for child visitation it really isn't any of his business what the actual address of the mother is (and maybe not even then depending on the circumstances). And it's really not any of his business how every penny is spent because the child is living with her and not him and children are expensive! Perhaps if he goes to family court he could demand a paternity test (and she would have to comply) to put any questions to rest about whether the child is actually his or not. No offense meant but he doesn't sound like he really cares about the child but rather his money :-(
OK, I'm having a problem. Legally, if he is current on his child support and has no other issues (like being an abuser, pedophile, etc), he has rights to the child, including visitation. Where was your fiancee when all these decisions were being made? Was he disinterested then? As for the money, it is going to the mother, to spend on the child as she sees fit, whether it be for clothing, food, a savings account, rent to keep a roof over the child's head, school supplies--just whatever. If your fiancee has legitimate questions, he needs to attain legal counsel.
I adopted 2 kids ages 8-10. My wife left and I now pay child support. Can I get my child support lowered, as she collects survivor benefits for both children in New Brunswick, Canada?
I am a single father; I have 4 children in my life. One of my children is disabled and lives with me. Another one lives with his mom. Then I have twins and they live with their mother as well. OK, here is my question. I pay child support for my 3 kids and I was sent info from the child support office that I need to raise my payments for my twins. OK, I know it's 25% for the 2 kids, and I pay a certain percentage for my other child.
Now 3 years ago I got my oldest child and she no longer resides with me. My oldest is handicapped and due to that the mother gave her to me cause she couldn't handle the expenses, ie. medication, therapy appointments, and 5 to 6 medical appointments a month because of her medical condition.
What are my options as far as me getting shafted with tons of money being dished out when I have to spend a lot just to keep my oldest child alive? What will the percentage be instead of 25% plus with my other child that I pay child support for as well?
By Bryan C.
The families that I have known of that are in situations like yours, if the each have one child neither one pays child support. I'm wondering if the mother of the kids had asked for a modification of child support. That being said if she did, you should have been notified of the hearing and then a moderator would decide the case, but it wouldn't be right away. I would go to your child support office and talk to them about it. If nothing else ask for a modification of child support.
-Each state will have its own formula. Call your state's HHS Department.
-Apply for social security disability benefits for your eldest. Speak to the hospital social worker and your child's caseworker for help.
-Visit DrOzshow.com and see what lifestyle changes and nutrition may enhance your daughter's independence from her condition.
Would I be asked to pay child support if I make more money than my ex? However, I have my son 84% of the time.