Why is it that when your child is angry with you; they deny you access to your grandchildren? It's that way with my children. I don't think it's one bit fair. My grandchildren love me. It only hurts them. They miss me.
By Peggy from Logan, UT
I'm not saying this is the case, but sometimes there are two sides to every story. Also in some states grandparents do have rights for visitation. Speak to an attorney, if you want to fight for visitation. In my case my daughter and grandkids only contact me when they want something. Awhile back I emailed by 21 year old grandaughter if she would spend a night here to show me some more stuff on the computer and help me hang some pictures and she replied yes, and then added if I ever had other things for her to do, maybe I could pay her a little bit and I thought grandparents aren't supposed to have to pay grandkids to help with a few odds and ends.
How far away do they live? Proximity is a factor, right? How old are the grandchildren? I hope your children can mature to the point that they see the positives in maintaining a good family relationship. What would your children state as "the problem"? Thank you for sharing.
Peggy,I share your sadness.I have the same problem. Mine live in another state but I've tried all I can think of to mend fences and so far nothing has worked. I'll continue to send cards for all occasions and gifts for birthdays and Christmas and pray for the rest.
Unfortunately, it is what it is. All you can do is keep your hand outstretched holding an olive branch; and doing what you can to maintain ties with the kids, letters, emails, little gifts.
Whether you feel the poor relationship is your fault or not, if you really want to mend the fences, you're going to have to just bite the bullet and accept blame. Someone has to be the adult, and clearly it won't be your child. You may have to humble yourself; but consider the pay off.
Nevermind about this. This seems so hopeless to me. Maybe one day they will come around.
If I were in your shoes I would confront your child and say ,"Listen, I know we have our differences but why are you making your kids suffer?" Of course this would only really work if the family is local. If they have to travel to visit then the parents have all the say. But you could use that line and then follow with,"Let the kids come visit with me for a few days. I will come pick them up and I will bring them back." Your kids may look at this as an opportunity to relax for a couple days without the kids around.
I'm afraid I wouldn't be much good in this situation. Maybe you could send cards that say I love you and miss you and maybe a short note something along the lines of I know your mom's very busy, but would like to see you soon. That leaves the ball in her court and if the card is addressed to an older child, maybe the child would open before she did and then the child could ask questions and maybe that would help. It certainly sounds agonizing. I thank god I don't have to deal with something like this. Some folks you can't please no matter what you do.
Hopefully, when the children get older they will come on their own. That happened with a friend's grandchild. He never blamed his grandmother,he knew how difficult his mother could be over relationships. Hope this helps and hope things get better. Send good thought her way.
I could not imagine ever keeping my daughter and my late mother's only grandchild from her. My daughter still talks about the things her and her grandmother use to do like watch wrestling together she shocked me knowing all the wrestler's names when she came in my bedroom and saw I had the tv on wrestling. Actually I hate watching it but my mom and her would tune in all the time and get real excited by seeing their favorite wrestlers.
Your children should understand that once your mother is gone you cannot get back any time lost or say you love them, only in spirit! My mother passed on March 1, 2010 and I promise a day does not go by where me and my daughter don't talk about her or make a mention to a memory of her. My mother spoiled my daughter and called her Mama as a nickname and her name is Ashley Ajahne' pronounced J-Nay and my mom always put her own spin on it and called her JerNay! My daughter gets mad if somebody calls her that she will say only my grandmother could say my name like that. LOL! We miss her so much!
Another thought is does your child have/had grandparents they loved and cherished being around? If they did perhaps ask them, nicely, how they would have felt were they not allowed to visit or talk to those grandparents and how much it would have hurt him/her had you denied him/her the access to them. Sometimes people lose sight and become blind to the entire picture.
If my parents had ever denied me access to any one of my four grandparents I don't know if I could have ever completely forgiven them.
For all you grandparents that are being kept from your precious grandchildren, there are grandparents rights in almost every state. Depending on your state and its statutes your children may not be able to keep you from them. Look into it, it will be worth it. You can just type in Grandparent Rights for State of "___" in your search engine. It will tell you all you need to know. Good Luck Grandparents!
My daughter doesn't keep me from my grandsons because she knows they wouldn't get a lot of these things they need if it weren't for me. But when she gets mad at me she punishes me by refusing to answer the phone when I call and won't talk to me for days on end. But when she wants or needs something it's me she calls; not her Day. She want's me to stay out of her life but she calls when she's mad at her husband, money problems come up, or she's sick and want's Mamma to feel sorry for her she calls. I'm slowly leaning to give her her space and I don't just jump every time she calls. If I'm busy or don't feel like talking I call her when I'm ready.
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