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Should Parents Stay Out of Conflicts Between Their Grown Children?

What do you do when your married children talk bad about their eldest sister? Do you entertain it, take sides, or say you'll work it out and stay out of it? I am very frustrated.

By Dorothy from SA

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April 10, 20110 found this helpful

I would never take sides! I would tell them all that your all my children, I love all of you and I will not be put in the middle, and if you love me you would stop saying what your saying and get over it!

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April 10, 20110 found this helpful

Very simple, next time they are talking about her tell them they are being childish, that their sister is living her own life and that they should do the same. Stop being envious (because whether they know it or not they are).

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April 10, 20110 found this helpful

In our family when someone starts to talk about the other one, we grab them and start to hug and kiss them telling them I love you, just being silly. Lighten up the moment, them change the subject quickly. (Oh ya, did I forget to tell u about bla bla bla!). If you keep doing this every time they will get the hint, and you did not have to say anything.

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April 11, 20110 found this helpful

Thank you. Much appreciated. Will do.

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April 11, 20110 found this helpful

I agree with Jackie1226, do not take sides. If one starts to talk about the other in front of you, change the subject. I have found "ignoring" people in this way is radically more effective than even saying something like "let's not talk about X". When people do it to me, it works also. It gets the point across quite well.

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April 12, 20110 found this helpful

It only happened to me once. I told my three kids that they had to get along as long as I live. I never want to see them fighting and I told them so. I was so adimant that now they make the effort and get along.

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June 4, 20110 found this helpful

Ideally, they are adults and should work problems out on their own. But why are they talking to you? Is it because something pivotal happened, they do not know how to handle it, and need your guidance? Some common sense in this matter goes a long way. There may be times when you need to take a stand: drugs, alcohol, stealing, etc. I know of a family where one son sexually assualted his sister and the parents refused to take their daughter's side because they refused to believe their son would do anything wrong. They even expected the daughter to go to family holidays where the brother would be, and tried to force her to "get along" with him. Another sibling stole some valuables from a younger sibling because of jealousy. Unfortunately, the world is much more complicated than the preverbial, "work it out."

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July 24, 20170 found this helpful

I would stay out of it as much as possible. Let them work it out, but let them know you won't tolerate issues to cause a rift in the family. Relationships in a family are too important to let petty disagreements separate each other.

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