Advice for Lonely Widow?

November 9, 2020

I am a widow for 3 years to the man who had been my best friend since I was 17. 43 years go by, 4 great kids, and now 5 grandchildren, 3 who he never met. My issue besides this extreme loneliness especially during this Covid time, I never get to be with any of the children or their children (since last Christmas).


There are 2 - 5 year olds, 1 - 4 year old and 2 precious 2 year olds. So now what? I don't see any ideas for a lonely widow who just wants to share all her love.


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November 9, 20201 found this helpful
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I'm 64 and have been a widow for 17 years now, so I know first hand some of what you're going through. My first question is: Why don't you get to see your children and grandchildren? Even with the COVID pandemic, you could always do facetime over the internet. You need a camera on the computers at both ends to see each other, but most computers, tablets, etc. have them built in, so that shouldn't be a problem. If facetime isn't an option, you can always use the mail system to write letters, send cards, etc. You can also send email with your computer, even if you don't have a camera on yours. And there is always phone calls. So, unless there are family problems, there is no reason to not have SOME kind of contact with your kids and grandchildren.


In my 17 years of being alone, I've stayed busy with all kinds of crafts. I've made baby quilts and knitted or crocheted blankets that I give to hospitals for preemies, I've gone through my older towels and blankets I no longer use and make pads for my local vet hospital, I make quilts, blankets, and cross stitch ornaments for Xmas presents to family and friends, I have a good size veggie garden each summer, I read a lot...I keep busy to keep from being too lonely. Before COVID, I volunteered at the local library shelving books, I read books at the elementary school and also helped with projects in the Kindergarten rooms, I volunteered for class field trips as a chaperone (so many parents work and can't chaperone), I helped with local scouting groups,.... just anything to keep busy and help out where I can. If you sit at home all alone ALL the time, it weighs heavy on you. Even more so for you, if you have no contact with family. I know with this pandemic, most of those options aren't allowed right now, but I'm sure there are things you can think of to stay busy.

It may seem strange to a lot of people, but one thing I've been doing all these years, is that I write my husband letters. Of course I don't mail them, but telling him about special things that have happened to me, or keeping him updated on family matters that he's missed, make me feel as if he's still close helps me keep my sanity. So Terri, you have to find things to fill your time and your mind. If not in contact with family for whatever reasons, try to find a way to break the barrier, and get back your family.
Good luck, stay healthy and stay busy !!!!

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November 11, 20201 found this helpful
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I'm sorry your one son and his wife seem to not need you in their lives... that is unforgivable in my book. Have you tried telling them how much it bothers you that you don't get to see them, especially the grandchildren? I don't understand the wife saying "she has enough women in her life and doesn't need you". You are the mother of her husband and the grandma to her kids....what on Earth can make someone feel and say that ?!!


I don't get it. All I can say is, KEEP TRYING TO BREAK DOWN THE WALLS.....maybe they will come around someday. You could at least try sending cards/ notes to the kids. Kids love getting mail. You probably won't hear back, but if they bug mom and dad enough about seeing or at least writing to you, maybe something will eventually come of it. Just keep hoping everything works out. Good luck and stay healthy during this pandemic.

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November 12, 20201 found this helpful
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Do you think you might be focusing on a son who seems indifferent to having you in his or his children's lives instead of planning more interaction with available and loving children and grandchildren?


Just a thought.
You seem to have a pretty full life but I know that I had to make adjustments and decided that although I love my children and grandchildren, they do have their own lives and I cannot expect them to fill my hours/days no matter where they live.
You may have to think about a part time job in a different profession, maybe something you've always been interested in or do more volunteering so you can fill part of your days with other people who may be in the same position as you.
I feel sure your teacher's union has a program available that helps retiring widow teachers with productive ways to move on after retirement.
I hope you are able to sort out your differences with your daughter-in-law but if your son does not step up and make some decisions then it is probably hopeless and even if he does make a change at this late date it may not always pleasant.

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November 10, 20200 found this helpful

Yes, I do stay busy...I'm a full time elementary art teacher with 800 students at 3 schools plus all the teachers & staff...busy in Church & Sunday School...I facetime most Sundays with my oldest daughter & her 2 boys-5yrs & 2yrs....2nd daughter is in Texas with her husband & 2yr.old daughter-we try to stay in touch & she seems me great videos of her daughter.Oldest son lives in the same county but his wife has told me & my children that she has plenty of women in her life (ie.Mom, Grandmothers,Aunts,friends) & has no place in her life for me....their daughters are 5 & 4...haven't seen them in 2 years & recently saw my son for 1st time in over 18 months...he's way to busy & they either don't respond or tell they no time to have me as part of their youngest has a house less than 5 miles away...he works at home & shares the house with 3 or 4 other guys who are working from &/or attending college online..even before convid , he has battle OCD & rarely leaves his house....I retire in less than 2 years & after years of planning have no idea of my future....I miss loving on my children & grandchildren so much.....

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