I am a widow for 3 years to the man who had been my best friend since I was 17. 43 years go by, 4 great kids, and now 5 grandchildren, 3 who he never met. My issue besides this extreme loneliness especially during this Covid time, I never get to be with any of the children or their children (since last Christmas).
I'm 64 and have been a widow for 17 years now, so I know first hand some of what you're going through. My first question is: Why don't you get to see your children and grandchildren? Even with the COVID pandemic, you could always do facetime over the internet. You need a camera on the computers at both ends to see each other, but most computers, tablets, etc. have them built in, so that shouldn't be a problem. If facetime isn't an option, you can always use the mail system to write letters, send cards, etc. You can also send email with your computer, even if you don't have a camera on yours. And there is always phone calls. So, unless there are family problems, there is no reason to not have SOME kind of contact with your kids and grandchildren.
I'm sorry your one son and his wife seem to not need you in their lives... that is unforgivable in my book. Have you tried telling them how much it bothers you that you don't get to see them, especially the grandchildren? I don't understand the wife saying "she has enough women in her life and doesn't need you". You are the mother of her husband and the grandma to her kids....what on Earth can make someone feel and say that ?!!
Do you think you might be focusing on a son who seems indifferent to having you in his or his children's lives instead of planning more interaction with available and loving children and grandchildren?
Yes, I do stay busy...I'm a full time elementary art teacher with 800 students at 3 schools plus all the teachers & staff...busy in Church & Sunday School...I facetime most Sundays with my oldest daughter & her 2 boys-5yrs & 2yrs....2nd daughter is in Texas with her husband & 2yr.old daughter-we try to stay in touch & she seems me great videos of her daughter.Oldest son lives in the same county but his wife has told me & my children that she has plenty of women in her life (ie.Mom, Grandmothers,Aunts,friends) & has no place in her life for me....their daughters are 5 & 4...haven't seen them in 2 years & recently saw my son for 1st time in over 18 months...he's way to busy & they either don't respond or tell they no time to have me as part of their lives...my youngest has a house less than 5 miles away...he works at home & shares the house with 3 or 4 other guys who are working from &/or attending college online..even before convid , he has battle OCD & rarely leaves his house....I retire in less than 2 years & after years of planning have no idea of my future....I miss loving on my children & grandchildren so much.....
You may not like what I'm going to say, but maybe with all you've tried and gotten no response, you would be better off to give up on them. Your son and his family seems to have no interest in connecting with you, and it's eating you alive. Get some counseling to help you cope with their indifference. Don't let their ways keep you from enjoying your life. If at some point they make contact again.....great. If not, at least you haven't wasted anymore time worrying about them.
It's good that you are keeping busy. This is a sad time for most of us. They are working hard (Doctors) to get us all back on track. We have to be safe and do what we can to stay in touch without face to face. Keep in touch by phone, computer, cards, face time. Also let your family know how you feel and how to update your current status to more communication, that is the key!
Do not be sorry for expressing how you feel as that is one way to make thing better. Put everything out in the open and share your feelings with others who have been in the same place at different times in our lives.
We all know that some actions will help while others just fall short of making things better.
Keep loving your children and grandchildren but also keep in mind that not everyone will welcome your efforts or desires but do not let that stop you from caring. We just have to be sure we do not go overboard with making our love known or expecting it to be reciprocated in the same manner.