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I was sick this Xmas so hubby and kids went for dinner at my mom's without me. My eldest, 19 years old, was not feeling well and has S.A.D. He went upstairs at mother's to sit by himself on his phone. This turned into a confrontation with my mother who is upset with him. I know he should have been more social, but she basically said join in or go home, like why did you come anyway? This just ticked him off as he felt it was an ultimatum and he spent the rest of the visit in our car in underground parking.
I was unaware this happened and my younger son and husband were out walking my mom's dog so weren't there until he was leaving and heard my mom tell him you don't have to leave just join us, he left. They haven't seen or spoken since and last time she came to visit she told me she returned his gifts which upset me and has upset my son further. He feels easily written off for a minor offense. I feel my mother made a mountain out of a molehill and now no one is talking....ugh. I need advice on how to handle this.
How worrisome to have a "feud" going on and feel helpless because you love both involved and know it is not wise to openly side with either person. Maybe both are at fault (in some way) but perhaps analyzing the time (hours, days, weeks) before this "event" happened might help you find a better solution.
I feel sure you know the longer this "festers" the more difficult it will be to correct. Please, try to have a sit down face to face session with each (individually) and work out the problem. I feel sure neither of them want this to continue.
I feel sure there are pamphlets at his doctor's office that explains SAD but if you need more information right now, here is a doctors web site that may help. Also, there may be readers that are not familiar with what condition SAD really is.
You need to tell your mother that SAD is a real sickness, and your son isn't doing it on purpose. Your son needs treatment, and your mother needs education on how to deal with people who have mental illness. Since she is healthy and older, she is the one who is going to have to bend a little. Your son can't just "join in" if he is not feeling good. It might have been a huge effort just to go there.
It sounds to me like both your son and grandmother share personality characteristics such as stubbornness which is cool and endearing, that they're so alike, but in moments like this it can be challenging.
I have noticed that a lot of older folks and other sorts of people have no tolerance for what they view as 'designer illnesses' or 'made up mental conditions' and just label everything laziness or bad breeding, no matter what is told to them.
if there were a way to make her understand about SAD, it would help. If she still will not accept the SAD, then I'm not sure what can be done, but also you may want to have some sort of family intervention in that situation.
Give your mom some info on SAD to read up on. Then, see if you can get the 2 to sit down with you and talk. Have him tell her how he feels and what SAD makes him feel like.