Leaving a Verbally Abusive Spouse?

November 9, 2017

After 30 years of marriage, I left once, came back, left again, and came back. My husband controls me. He always wants to know where I am. I have no will power to stand up to him. I told him he had been controlling for years and that I just finally had enough. If we don't have sex for a bit he gets ugly and paranoid. He says he's changed, but I don't see much. I've been in counseling many times with different ones. He went to marriage counseling, but she told us to do counseling separately. After two sessions he starts with the paranoid again and yelling at me to love him, but I just am not in love with him. I'm thinking of leaving tomorrow and need some advice.




Gold Post Medal for All Time! 677 Posts
November 9, 20171 found this helpful
Best Answer

Step 1
Knowing that you deserve happiness will give you the courage to leave.

Step 2
Get a copy of The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans from the library or buy it. Hide it so he doesn't see.

Step 3
Make a plan before you leave. You need to acquire skills so you can get a job, if you don't have one.

Step 4
You are in the driver's seat of your own life. If this relationship is not for you, don't settle for less.

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Bronze Post Medal for All Time! 105 Posts
November 10, 20171 found this helpful
Best Answer

After so many years of verbal or physical abuse many women loose all hopes of a normal life. They stay in a relationship because they feel unworthy to be on their own. Their spouse has degraded them for so long they feel there is no hope left.


This is not the case. There are so many places women can go now to be protected and seek help to start a normal life. I wouldn't advise you to go to your family, because that is the first place he will look. Your best bet is to go to a woman's shelter an not tell him where you are.

You can call the women's abuse hotline and they can make arrangements to pick you up. But once you're there they won't allow contact with him or allow you to tell him where you're at. They are private and secure homes that are set up to protect you. Once you're there you can get the help needed to over come the abuse and learn to lead a normal happy life. It won't be easy, but this time there is no going back. You have to close the door once you walk out. So make sure you take what you want and remember there is no looking back.

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Silver Post Medal for All Time! 433 Posts
November 10, 20171 found this helpful

Leaving an abusive husband.

Step 1
You need support whether it is from family or someone from a women's shelter.

Step 2
Going to a woman's shelter would be a good idea the counsellor's there can give you advice.


Step 3
You deserve much better sounds like you are at your limit.

Step 4
A whole new life of freedom awaits take it from someone who has been there.

Step 5
Do not have any contact when you leave,he will say he is going to change,but they do not.

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Silver Feedback Medal for All Time! 399 Feedbacks
November 12, 20170 found this helpful

You will feel so much better about yourself and life in general once you make a permanent break. Good luck to you.

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Better Living Self Help Domestic ViolenceJanuary 10, 2018
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