Self ImprovementBetter Living

Remedy for Loneliness in a New City

I just moved here 3 months ago from a city I lived in all my life. I moved to be closer to my son. He is the only one I know here. I am shy so I have a hard time doing things on my own. I am so so so lonely. I have a lot of medical problems which confines me a lot. Please can you give me any suggestions? When not at doctors appointments all I do is cry.

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March 28, 20180 found this helpful
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Go to www.meetup.com. Look for activities in your area that you are interested in. You will meet like-minded people.

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March 28, 20180 found this helpful
Best Answer

I'm very sorry that you are so lonely! Moving to a new location has its challenges and this is a difficult one. My husband & I have moved a number of times to new cities & one thing that I have found very helpful is to make myself quit thinking about myself & how lonely I am and at about making myself at home where I am and making the best of the situation. Meet your neighbors. Get to know the people around you. I know it's a little hard if you are shy but it is something that you will have to make yourself do if you want to curb the loneliness.

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March 31, 20180 found this helpful
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Golly, I hope you find friends soon!

One thing to realise is that folks in different cities can be different from other kinds of people in your own city - at times can be more aloof, self-directed, and fast-paced, or vice versa. There's an element of culture shock to contend with. So whenever you noted something that seemed rude, it's probably just the way they are

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So saying, things that can be done are:

1. Find a cafe or diner you like and just resolve to go there every day (if finances allow) at the same time hopefully. You will definitely get to know the wait staff and a few other fun regulars as well. Even if you feel too weird talking to new people or don't make friends right away, just being around other humans can be enough.

2. Go to a city park, especially if you have a dog, a dog-walking path. Get familiar with the regulars

3. In general, getting a dog is great for loneliness and meeting new people.

4. If you are religious, joining a church and volunteering for the events is pretty obvious

5. Go to craigslist, your city's alternative news weekly, or even Facebook social groups to see about volunteer events in your area. When you are shy, it helps to be going somewhere with a PURPOSE save aimlessly trying to socialise.

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March 28, 20180 found this helpful

Hopefully things will get better after you become more accustomed to your new surroundings.

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  • Did you have health problems that limited your movements before you moved?
  • What were the reasons you decided to move? Did you and your son talk about this sort of thing before your move?
  • Do you live with your son - is he single or married? Did you think things would be different after you moved? Were you doing okay before you moved or were you thinking you would have more "company" if you moved?
  • I am only asking these questions because these are the sort of things that (if you think about them) may help you reconcile yourself to where you are right now and why you decided to move.
  • Maybe you can find a church in your area and even if you are having problems walking, a church usually has someone that helps disabled members/visitors.
  • A church usually has social gatherings every week/month and this would help you get acquainted with some new friends. They may also be able to help you get to know others in your same age group that may be having similar problems.
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  • Check with your library as they have bulletins on social gatherings as well as clubs and they have get togethers' at the library also.
  • Check Google with your zip for senior citizen activities and call any numbers listed and ask for help.
  • Talk to your son about how you feel and see if he has some ideas.
  • If you like reading then, again, your library is a good place to go.
  • Try not to think about what is not happening and start looking for a way to improve your "alone" time as you are not by yourself with these types of feelings and all it takes is one other person to start a "group".
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March 29, 20180 found this helpful

See if there is a community center close. Get to know the bus system and go out just to go out. You will learn more about your neighborhood and meet people. I hope you find some friends soon. Crying is not the best thing for your mental state. I wish you well. Maybe someone in New York City will see this and come visit!!

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March 29, 20180 found this helpful

I am sorry. I thought I read you moved to New York City. Wherever you are, the advice we gave is epic.

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