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My 18 year old son (high school graduate via GED) just got his first job. It's part-time, 23 - 30 hours/week at $10/hr. So far he is on his 8th paycheck and has blown it all. Each week, he promises to start saving but doesn't. He says it's his money and he'll decide. So, we have to drive him 5 days per week. He is learning to drive, but it will be awhile for sure. He is actually afraid to drive, but my husband is starting to make him do the driving to and from work.
What I would like is some information on how he should be budgeting. Generally, his check is gone on the same day he gets it. Uses it for paying back loans to others, junk food and drinks, and "recreational medicine"! What percentages should we use for budgeting? He is completely oppositional, but I must keep trying. What percentage should we ask for rent? Savings? Recreation? What else? Since his weekly income varies, set amounts do not seem practical.
We often have to give him rides or give his friends rides home after they find a way to our house. Sometimes the rides are 45 minutes to 1 1/2 hrs round trip. What about paying for my time? Gas? I don't mind short rides home and local, but these kids travel. His room is a pig pen and he refuses to do chores. Even if he were great with his money he wouldn't be able to get out on his own with part-time hours. He can't find roommates because kids like this really don't have friends for much more than a few weeks. They are best friends one week, dissing each other the next. No common sense. Has anyone else been there done that successfully? I'm afraid to throw him out because of where he will end up on the street. He only knows the bad crowd because he is desperate to fit in. Every day is a constant battle. He is adopted. He has lots of anger which is directed at me mostly. He quit therapy.
I was actually that 18 year old once and my parents did not take my behaviour longer than a week! The rules they enforced on me totally worked. Here are some tips.
Your son, whether adopted or biological, needs to learn to be a contributing member of a family and society. I have some suggestions.
It is hard work at first, but he will appreciate it in the end.
This is a difficult situation because he is your son and you love him whether he is adopted or not. First off you will have to decide what is best for you and your husband when setting down the rules of your home. Even if he is 18 he still lives under your roof and you are paying the bills.
You have done all you can and have given him a good life. Now in order to teach him to be a responsible adult he needs to act like one and pay his own way. It is hard, but in your case it is necessary. I never had to do this with my daughter and I never asked her to pay rent to me.
I have teens too one is very difficult and does nothing to help in the house.She does not even work.Even though we offered her a newspaper job.She would not do it.She also is very angry and she disrupts the whole house hold.I do not provide her with any extra stuff except for food,clothes just what I have to by law.