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My 3 year old always poops in his pants. One morning he woke up about 3am, while I was asleep. He had no pants on and he put his pillow under his bare bum and started pooing on it. I smelled something and went to see him and found the pillow. In frustration I smacked his bum. He said, " poop poopy poop" and wiggled his bum and said, "Can you put me on the pottie?" I said, "No, you do it." and he he just stood there and started pooing in his pants. Please help.
My two year old nephew will pee and poop on the potty as long as he doesn't have a diaper on. I let him run around the house naked. He tells me if he needs to pee and he goes to the potty.
I would love it if mine at least told me to put him on the potty instead of asking for a diaper. shame on you! I can understand the the swat on the bum after him pooing on the pillow, but if he asks to be put on the potty, please do it.
Hi I understand the frustration you must be going through, and I have not had my boys poo on anything but their underwear, but I too cannot get them to use the toilet for anything other than peeing in it they got that down pack. I cannot wait until they start using the potty for all of it. The only thing I did not agree with in your posting was about spanking your child and refusing to take him to the toilet. He won that war when you did those things.
My suggestion is to continue to reinforce the potty chair by sitting him on the toilet, and like the other poster said, "Have him clean up his own mess with using protective gear from any potential germs". That is the one thing we as a parent must do even how frustrating it gets we got to remain patient with them and resilient in the fight of the potty training issues that arise, and be prepared to handle it in a way that make the child secure enough to use the toilet not afraid of it.
I cracked it after 12 months! I have been reading posts on here for a few months trying different things to get my son to do a poo in the potty and not in his pants! He is 3 and 3 months, I potty trained him 12 months ago, it took a week and was dry, only problem we could not it get him to do a poo, he would hide somewhere trying to hold it in and then we would have a day or two of small bits in his pants 4 or 5 times a day.
I tried rewards, saying 'dont worry next time tell mummy', getting really cross and shouting then feeling guilty after, it really was taking over my life! I was sick of cleaning soiled pants. I even put nappies back on for 2 months but that didn't help him to relax. Then a friend told me about a book called pooland you print it off the internet and read it every night. So I thought ill give it a go. 4 nights I read the book still nothing, he was still trying to hold it in and small accidents in pants (although he loves the book and wanted to read it twice!) Then one afternoon he had held it in for 6 days, I lost it a bit and said "If you don't sit on the potty and push out a poo I'll have to call the doctor! (I got my phone and pretended to speak to the doctor) and he will have to do an operation on your bottom and get the poo out!".
We have carried on reading the pooland book and giving treats and rewards etc, and I remind him about calling the doctor every now and then and he has done poo no problem every day for 10 days, it's a miracle! Looking at the big picture I think he was confused about pooing and the book definitely helped explain it all in a childlike way, as well as that a little bit of fear, I think he just couldn't let go and the doctor coming sounded worse than doing it himself.
(I also give him a spoonful of lactrolose at breakfast just in case he was worried about it being painful but will stop that soon). x
The booklet that Hayley mentions, that really helps this problem is called Ollie Helps Poo Go Home to PooLand. It really does work... its a colouring in booklet written so that young ones really understand the concept of geting the Poo's down the Loo.
My 4 year old son will not poop on the toilet. We tried potty training him a few times, and he was not ready until now. He is doing pretty good with peeing, with only a few accidents here and there. The real problem is pooping on the toilet.
He has been steadily potty training for four days now. When he was wearing diapers he would go sometimes multiple times a day and the instant we started on the potty he just will not poop. He has been holding it in, doesn't even do it in his underwear.
I sit him on the toilet for long periods of time so he will just let it go, but it doesn't work. Rewards don't work, encouragement doesn't work, he isn't scared of it, just tells me he doesn't have to go when clearly he does. Has anyone else had this problem? What can I do?
By Ashleigh from Colorado Springs, CO
Hello, Ashleigh, I'm sure you are frustrated but here's a funny story from a friend with exactly the same problem: Think of it as "separation anxiety" and it just might help. :-)
My friend's child was also doing fine with peeing in the potty, and claimed not to be scared or afraid of pooping in the potty, just didn't want to do so. After trying as many if not more things with her child as you have with yours, she finally discovered the problem by accident. No pun intended. While cleaning up yet another dirty "pantfull" she casually asked the toddler, "How can you stand this yucky mess in your pants?"
Breaking out the crocodile tears, the child sobbed, "But mommy, it's part of me! Why don't you love it?" Right away, she began a long, tender discussion about how normal it was for everybody to lose things like pee, hair left in the brush, baby teeth, clipped fingernails and toenails, and poop because their body was always making extra of those things to replace the old stuff. After a few honest accidents, full toilet training was accomplished within a few weeks.
Don't know if this will help or not, but thought it was worth sharing. Good luck! :-)
My son had the same issue when my oldest son was 3, except he did not go in the toilet or his pants...we took him to the Dr because he eventually had tummy aches from holding it so long and was painful when he actually tried. The Dr told us to put 1/2 cap full of Miralax in his juice, milk, or water. When we added it we called it sugar. I know it sounds mean, but it helped with the constipation from holding it and he could not hold it anymore because it is a mild laxitive. Eventually we did not have to use it anymore and he got over not using the toilet rather quickly.
Hope this idea helps.
I had the same problem with my son. I put him in Pull-Ups, but when he had to poop he let me know and I put a diaper on him. I then waited until summer time when he could wear less clothing and he was a little embarrassed for people to see he wore a diaper especially for the kids of his own age to see. He stated using the potty for pooping on his own.
My daughter was the exact same way. We would have to put a diaper on her to poop. She didn't want to get the potty or toilet dirty. I gave her Disney Dollars. I set up a chart with circles depicting quarters. I gave her a quarter for every pee-pee and 2 quarters for every poop in the potty. I did this because I knew she would begin school soon and need to be well trained. We colored a "quarter" in every time she earned it. She eventually saved up enough money to go to the Disney Store to buy anything she wanted. She bought a Little Mermaid dress that she wore until she absolutely couldn't wear it any longer. After we went shopping, we no longer needed a chart!
My grandson was the same way. His mother got a footstool to go in front of the toilet to put his feet on. This way his legs were a little higher than his body and made it easier. I've heard of this suggestion for adults as well.
I need help. My 3 and a half year old won't poo on the pot. I've taken toys away, coached her by giving her a reward if she goes. I sat her beside me as I use the loo. Nothing is working I'm going crazy. Please, oh please, help.
By diane from NSW
I can relate to this. My son was 4 1/4 before he finally did it all in the potty, after my efforts for 2 plus years. I did stickers and rewards, too. I finally got tired of it all and decided to quit pressuring him for awhile and he decided the very next day after I took his filled up sticker chart down to do it all on his own. He wanted to be in control, I guess.
Take a break, Mom.
Read the book, "Toilet Training Your Child in Less Than a Day." Read the whole book from beginning to end and do everything that it tells you to do to prepare, before you begin any training. It works, except that it took my son 3 days. Good luck!
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I have a foster son that is 5 years old that refuses to go to the potty, which consists of poop. We have tried everything, including bribing him with toys, money, etc. We even bought him some underwear, but when he cleans them out in the toilet he likes to play in it. This is an on going thing 3 to 4 times a day.
The school is frustrated and doesn't know what to do. We are beside ourselves. What can we do to help this child? We realize being a foster child could be some of it, but everyone is telling him he won't go home. He will be staying with us until he's grown up. However, I can't stand my bathroom having poop all over it. He smears it on my cabinets and walls too. Please help.
Some foster children have problems beyond the normal five year old as they've gone through so much before you provide their care. Bribes are not resolving the issue and he doesn't appear to be ashamed in front of his classmates at school.
He may be overwhelmed with the change, angry at his young life being so difficult and cannot put into words to express his feelings, so he releases whatever is pent up in this manner.
The only way your son will correct this action is by your willingness to seek counseling with him and learn how to stop the steps to this "dance" so he is helped and becomes a happy little five year old you want to see him become. (10/15/2010)
I would say that many kids do this, and here are some things I have discovered about this:
It is better to act bored and not interested in the least. This doesn't give attention or spotlight the action you are trying to change. Some kids feel that poop is against them and it hurts and it is being "beat up" by them smearing it on the wall and giving it what it deserves in their small mind. There are PHD's who used to do this, it is not an indication of intelligence. Lots of kids do this for reasons we may never know.
I would go and find counseling for you so you are not alone in this, and I will vouch for lexapro which is an excellent antidepressant. I have a 20 year old beautiful daughter who has schizophrenia and autism and OC. It may seem horrible, but this is not the most awful thing I have ever heard of a child doing or seen a child do. This too will pass, but nonetheless it would be great for him to be able to talk to a counselor and see if this is of help to him, and they have programs where people can come out to the house and check up on him.
I would also get a potty training video, and let him watch it. Also I would try taking him off wheat for a time and see if that helps. I remember that my daughter when she was younger was calmed by green light bulbs in her room and as irritating as they were to me, she loved them. Also I would try to give him a chidren's Benadryl, and see if that helps him calm down, he may be stressed and not sure how to deal with it.
Once I called poison control to see what would happen if my child accidentally took double the amount of Benadryl and they told me all about it and I felt more safe after I discussed it with them. I didn't tell them I planned to use it to calm her down and for her allergies, which turned out to be great since with her disabilities allergies are involved.
I would make a very detailed record of every ten minutes (I know, shrug, more work) what does he eat, what does he do, etc. what are his behaviors, and see what the day looks like, this is what I had done with my daughter years ago. There will be things that might show up.
I might cover the walls with clear contact paper or plastic paper until this resolves itself. When my child was an inpatient for stabilization, there were lots of young kids there who were hurting themselves and were being evaluated by the doctor.
This might benefit your son. Bring him to the ER and say he is having a psychiatric emergency and you are afraid he will harm himself. They will have a person come out and fill out a form and then contact
inpatient facilities that will watch him and evaluate him. I would get him in a room that is easy to clean and run a bath before you even go in there and plop him in it and do the cleaning things, calmly with no fanfare act as bored as possible and then matter of factly go and reward yourself with something you really like for having to go through this stage with him.
One of my greatest rewards in life is following the autism research listserv. It is full of exceptional information, and here is the link to join. When you join, ask what can be done about playing with poop and what is it a sign of and Willis will probably answer it. Also ask anything else you are concerned about, this is an excellent tool.
Also I would have him evaluated for vitamin deficiency and find a way to see if his digestion is on track.
Blessings and feel free to click on contact by my name and keep me updated and I will encourage you all I can.
By Robyn Fed
I was a foster parent. I have worked with a child like this. He needs therapy to resolve the issue that is causing him to do this. (10/18/2010)
Your foster child has more going on than potty issues. This is his control, something from his own body he does not have to give anyone and when he does, it is in a destructive manner. He is old enough to understand that poop only goes into the toilet and not on the walls, etc. Give him the pair of gloves and the soiled underwear to clean up. I would start with the mess outdoors first in the scrub process. My special needs brother got potty trained by 3. Repetition of "this is not where we do this, we use the bathroom", is a must. Telling him that part of the house is yours as well, you let him use it, but he needs to use it correctly for all to be happy. (10/18/2010)
By Grandma J
It may have nothing to do with his being a foster child. A friend of mine is at her wits end because her 8 year old daughter does this, at home, at school, and when visiting other people's houses. She has gotten counseling and it did not help. Her only solution is to make sure the child never goes to the bathroom by herself! And she has clothes that do up in back so the child cannot remove them, as she was pooping in the school yard and smearing it on the school. This child is intelligent, well mannered, and gets good grades in school, she has been doing this all her life, hopefully she will "grow out of it". (10/19/2010)
By Dena Roberts
First, I would take him to a pediatrician, and then get a referral for counseling/therapy if there isn't a medical reason for his behavior. (10/20/2010)
I have a 4 year old who just started preschool, and the problem is that she uses her underwear at night and all day. She doesn't wet the bed. She doesn't use the pull ups anymore. But my problem is the pooh pooh! She will pee in the toilet and not pooh. So what can I do or what method shall I use to accomplish it? I sit her on the toilet to pooh. But just sits and does nothing.
Isabel from Corpus Christi, TX
I had the same problem with my 4 year old boy, Ethan. He would go pee no problem, but could never go poop in the potty. I tried everything! He was still in daycare and my provider recommended that I try a suppository to make him go. I thought this was a terrible idea, so intrusive!
Well, a few months later, after buying another of a long line of "last" packages of diapers, I decided to give it a try. My husband and I inserted the suppository, sat him on the potty and hunkered down to keep him there. It took less than 5 minutes and we had success. We all danced around the house like maniacs, doing a "potty dance". He was so pleased. About an hour or so later, we see him running into the bathroom. Success again! The potty training was done. I think I still have that package of diapers hanging around, 6 months later.
I believe that the reason that this works is because Ethan just really didn't have any idea what muscles to push. We would have times where we knew he needed to go. We would sit him on the potty for 15, 20, 30 minutes waiting for him to go. The minute we would let him off, he would poop in his underwear (or on the floor when we were trying to keep him bare bottomed). But once he was shown how to do it, it all just clicked. I certainly wouldn't try this until all other avenues have been exhausted, but it was the only thing to work for us.
Good luck. I know it is one of the hardest parts of parenting (until the teenage years!)
I've read the feedback above, and have very little to add except: make sure he's not constipated. My little granddaughter had the same resistance when pooping hurt her. Once she regularly ate "soft poopie food" like raisins, ripe bananas, and veggies, and increased her fluids, she wasn't constipated any longer and could poop without being afraid it would hurt.
Good luck and let us know how it works out!
By Nancy from Florida
I am having the same problem. My son is 3 1/2 and for awhile was going pee all the time in the potty and we were thrilled. We thought potty training was going to be quick and easy. We had thought wrong. He to this day has not and refuses to poop in the potty. It as gotten to the point now that he rarely pees in the potty.
From our experience all I can say is stay very positive with your child. If you are negative or aggressive to your child all it will do is cause them more fear and reservations about going to the potty. Most kids just want mommy and daddy to be proud of them, so if you stay positive with them, and always praise for the good things they will progress. That is all I can say and remember too that all kids progress at different rates. You have to be very gentle with your child's readiness and development. (08/10/2007)
Rewards! I don't care what any book says. I have been doing daycare for 10 years and rewards work. Start with small things like a couple of M&Ms or a Starburst, then if that doesn't work, get some cute dollar items at Dollar Tree. Rewards work. Don't stress over the mistakes and really get excited over the pooh-poohs in the potty!
Good luck. (08/13/2007)
Often boys using potty chairs will scoot back so far on the chair to pee that they are too far back to poop. When it was time to poop, I sat my son backwards on the adult potty (with the seat down, but without the child insert). This way he was facing the tank and could hold onto it if he needed to bear down but more importantly his legs were spread out slightly more which allowed him to poop more easily. This is also a good way for kids to pee or poop in a public restroom when you don't have access to a potty chair or toilet insert, as they feel more secure and less like they are going to fall into the adult size toilet bowl.
Same thing with my granddaughter. She has been trained to pee since turning 3. But, she was well past 4 when she learned to poop in the potty. It came down to no choice, my daughter had to start a new job and had to get her into a preschool, so she finally had to learn to poop in the potty before going to preschool.
And believe me, this was quite an ordeal, but in the long run, my daughter pulled through. It doesn't help that my granddaughter is as stubborn as they come. We had held back one present from her birthday and promised it to her when she had finally pooped in the potty. (that didn't work!) We told her Grandma would do the "potty dance" with her. We even promised her everything from a special frozen yogurt treat she just loved to a new tricycle from her dad. None of this worked!
So, my daughter finally fed her bran cereal in the morning and baked beans in the evening (because of the high fiber content). She was on this diet for about 3 or 4 days. When it looked like she had to go, (she would go and hide in the corner or the closet where no one could see she was going in her pull-ups or underwear).
My daughter would set her on the pot and not let her get up until she would finally poop. Believe me, this was quite an undertaking. My daughter would have to sit there with her for sometimes half an hour or more. But with the bran cereal and beans, and knowing what time she went every morning and evening, as well as, knowing she liked to hide in the closet when she went; all it took was not letting her get up from the pot! (of course she would have books read to her while on the potty). But, once she finally did go, we gave her all kinds of praise. And that was that. No more problems! She was just afraid to go, but, my daughter had to finally lay down the law. Either that, or she couldn't get her into a daycare or preschool. (09/21/2007)
There's a new DVD out with Elmo that teaches preschoolers all about potty training. It's very helpful. You can rent it or buy it at any Blockbuster video, even online. I'll try to find it and put it in this post. I watch my 3 1/2 year old grandson weekdays and have since birth. His other nana has him a lot of weekends. So we have had a hard time getting the potty issue because he floated around a lot from place to place.
We all tried different methods of our own and tried to share what ideas worked. For a long time now he has the pooping perfect. He can be doing anything and when he gets the urge he'll run to use it fast. But the peeing he just did not want to go do each time. Kids don't like to stop whatever they are doing to go do there business, they think they'll miss something. I kept reminding him that whatever it was will be there when he gets back. And you have to remind them to go pee ever so often.
So after I knew he had drank liquids and could go pee with results, I kept a few markers by the toilet and would draw some shape on a piece of toilet paper lay it inside the toilet bowl and make it fun and say, "let's go see if you guess what I drew while you try to pee on it" and he found that fun while guessing the drawing like heart, airplane, etc. It also helped with his aim to try to hit the target. I would ask too what color is it? he learns his colors and shapes that way too. It takes the boredom out of it also.
He started preschool this year two days a week. The peeing in pants came back this first few weeks, most kids do because they feel insecure until they get a routine going and realize granny or dad is coming back for them.
On the person who posted they give laxatives to there 2 1/2 yr old daughter, maybe the laxative is causing her pain. Laxatives should not be given to young children unless a doctor recommends them and even then only on occasion. Pick certain fruits she likes and give that fruit 2-3 times in a week and she will stay regular. Pineapples are a great natural laxative and will do her body good, no harm like laxatives. You can put a tiny amount of prune juice in with her usual drinks and that will help with no harm to her just healthy intake.
If you try to make it a fun time in some way they will get it. You can even take their favorite doll with them and act like dolly is going to pooh first then it's her turn. I did that with my grandson, he loves Ernie his boy doll. But the Elmo potty training video really helps. Even now we pop it in the DVD player every so often to keep the idea fresh for him. Elmo has lots of DVDs to help kids learn. One with fire safety, bath time Elmo. This is the potty time video I spoke of you can rent it or buy at Blockbuster and I'm sure Netflix and others have it as well. video.barnesandnoble.com (10/27/2007)
Our 3 1/2 Year son also refused to poop in the potty, long after he was in underwear and peeing on his own. But he was always constipated even with high fiber. Our pediatrician reassured us that it was very common in children that have become constipated. We became diligent in our daily doses of Myralax (a must for constipated kids) and fiber (including Benefiber). We stopped begging and bribing him to go and if he is getting a good dose of each he poops every other day now. At first there were frightened tears and now he just tells us he needs to go. Now that he is "regular" his personality has even improved. We realized that some of his moodiness was constipation. He is a joy to be around. (02/05/2008)
A friend suggested to me to put my 3 1/2 year old in the bathroom and have him take off his pants. Tell him the doctor wants him to poop on the potty and I will be waiting outside and to call me when you are done. Then just turn and walk out and wait outside the door. Don't make a big deal out of it when he goes. It worked. This is after 1 year of trying. (02/11/2008)
My son had that problem bad. It turned out that we found him in the bathtub during bathtime and I pulled the plug out and he totally freaked out. What was really happening, tub and potty, was that he thought he was going to go down the drown or be flushed down the toilet. Once we found out and had long talks and played some potty and drain games. The problem was cured. (08/20/2008)
By K Hoffman
While I have not read through all of the posts, here is my story. My daughter, now 4, as of one month ago would not poop in the potty. She has had issues with this since she was about 2.5. We potty trained her on the tinkle part at 3, but she would have nothing to do with pooping on the potty. Several ER visits later for imp actions, we felt it was more important that she go than make herself ill by not. We used pull-ups for the pooping when she asked for them and Miralax (ala the impactions). Man that girl is self-willed!
Finally, about a month ago, we decided enough; no pull ups. So, she started to wet her bed every night (for 3 weeks), pooped her pants instead of going on the toilet. But we kept on.
I am so glad to say, that now she poops in the potty and is happy about it, no Miralax, no pull-ups. For the past week she has continued to stay dry at night. If you have a self-willed one, trust me, be even more self-willed and you will find your solace. I am so proud of my girl! I've been there, I hear people say, they will go when they are ready.
If you know your child is ready and just not doing it, they need your help. You just can't wait until they decide they are ready at this point. Trust me, in the end, you will find yourself free of soiled sheets and undies. Find your inner strength, and hold on for the ride. Really, I am so happy that this Thanksgiving will not revolve around my daughter's BM or her doing the poopy dance in the corner because she refuses to just go!
As a parent, I feel your pain and am proud to say, you can fix it! I don't want to sound like an info-mercial, but really, this is the best bliss I have experienced for some time. Take away the pull up, take away the underwear in the home if they continue to soil. It's a security blanket, a sort of seclusion.
My daughter got the most upset when we took away her undies after pooping in them and refusing to go on the potty to finish. Eventually, you have to go right? You either go on the kitchen floor or you go in the toilet. The toilet won, and with some continued perseverance, so did we.
I am so proud of her. I hope this helps you in your plight against the pooping holders. My last post on this topic 1.5 years ago was me saying I would have to take her in for a psychiatric evaluation. Now I realize, patience and perseverance will win. (11/18/2008)
Yes, we've been dealing with this for nearly a year, my son is almost 4. Rewards haven't worked for us, neither have the educational songs, Citrucel and extra fiber and juice, prune juice, etc.
He has recently started pooping in the potty occasionally, maybe once or twice a month, which has been an improvement. He stays dry all day and at night. He just poops in his underwear wherever he is after holding it for a couple of days. When the time is near he will just roll in a blanket on the floor and lay around and say I ache, alternating with being hyper and wild. Anyway, we did finally have a little success the other night, I didn't want to give a laxative because I knew it was on the verge of coming out and he just needed to go. (his aren't hard most of the time, just really big).
He would agree to sit on the potty for a while, and then pull back up his pants and wrap up in the blanket as if to hold it in. He was asking for medicine, So I invented some medicine. Mine was Koolaid mix, sugar, and prune juice in a medicine cup. But the clincher, was that I finally said, "if you have to wrap up in something, wrap up in toilet paper! It's okay for poop to go on the toilet paper." Then he didn't wrap up in it, but said, "oh, really, can I put it in the little potty?" When I said yes, he took a bunch off the roll and made a little nest of T.P. in the small potty. Then he put it just where he wanted, and squatted, and pooped, just like that! It took a while to get it all out, but he made the face and said, "that medicine is working!". But I think the thing was the little potty full of toilet paper to poop into. Weird, maybe he liked to feel something soft to put the poop in? Okay, maybe someone else can try it if your child will only poop in their underwear. (03/10/2009)
My son will go pee in the potty but he won't poop in the potty and he won't poop in a diaper. He cries holding himself and eventually poops on the floor after many trips to the potty.