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Work or Family? What's More Important?

I need some serious guidance please. My husband and I both have great jobs. I am a Kinder teacher in an awesome district in my state. We are thinking seriously of starting a family but have a dilemma. We do not have any family nearby, all our close family is about 4 hours away. We miss them terribly and are not sure we want to start a family without them around.

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We both enjoy our jobs and finally bought our first home last year. Now that we are thinking of starting a family though that has really been on our minds... stay where we are with good jobs and nice home or move to be closer to family and start all over again (my job took forever to get).

Ultimately we want to be near family because we know that is more important then jobs... am I right? My hubby is nervous of starting a family if we might move. He wants to know we would have jobs and a home. Then I think "Gosh we both have jobs now and a home". HELP! I will listen to all.

TexasTeacher

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August 25, 20050 found this helpful

This IS a tough one! I have a 2 year old son and still live in the town I was born in, so I can't really speak from experience (of being away from family). Like you, I also have my degree, but right now I work as a preschool teacher. The pay isn't great, (by a long shot!), but I get a deep discount on child care--I never pay more than $40 a month, which is FAR less than what most people pay! I also work less than 30 hours a week, so I get a lot of time to be at home, raising my son, while still keeping one foot in the workforce. We have to be on a stricter budget because of me making less (one of the reasons I wandered here to ThriftyFun!), but I think that all in all, it's worth it. If you do decide to move closer to home and start a family, teaching preschool might be something you'd want to consider as a "career path" while your child is younger. If you do stay where you are, try to have a network of friends or neighbors who can be a support system that is close by. I will say that being a parent is wonderful--hard at times, challenging, and you sometimes think, "what did I get myself into?", but having a child is absolutely an amazing thing! Best of luck to you, whatever you decide!

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August 25, 20050 found this helpful

Are you concerned about not being able to find a good babysitter for your child/children? Or are you thinking that your kids wouldn't be able to get to know their cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents?

Go for it. 4 hours away isn't that far. You can get up early and drive "home" for 12 noon lunch on the Saturday and stay for the weekend and drive home after supper on the Sunday. Grandparents will come to visit you and stay for a day or two. You can still do all the holidays with the relatives if you wish to or not if you wish to do that too.

Babysitter...yes, grandparents would be nice to have around for "free" babysitting...but even though my parents were 20 minute drive into the country from us, they didn't babysit our kids and only saw them once every week or two and then for a few hours at a time.

Now with the email and ability to correspond online, photos and family events can all be shared so easily.

Remember, there will never be a "best" time to have a family, you are in a much better financial position than lots of young parents that I know of. You will also be able to get maternity leave (I do not know what they call it in the USA) and will be able to spend time at home for the first year with the baby (and then go to your parents for a holiday, like I did when I had my first child since we at that time lived 2.5 hours away from my parents when we decided to start our family).

Try now for a family. It will be at least 9 months till the first one comes. (Heaven forbid...but it may take a year or two...you do not know. Hope you will not find yourself in that situation but no one knows until you try to have a family). Best wishes to you as you make this decision.

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By guest (Guest Post)
August 25, 20050 found this helpful

I am definitely a family person,but then I've never been a risk taker either.But I am a pretty strong advocate for stay-at-home Mothers,unless it puts a family in a bad situation financially.My son and his family live in the same town and I babysit the children while she works.No pay but LOTS OF LOVE and that's the greatest reward a Mamaw can have.I was one of six children and I couldn't imagine holidays without our big family get-togethers.One Brother and his family have always lived in other states,so we really don't have a lot of memories with his children growing up.As a matter of fact one of his daughters said when she was grown that she regretted that they couldn't be with the family very much as a child.I'm not trying to put a guilt trip on you,but jobs come and go.And unfortunately so do our parents and grandparents.Life passes so quickly.Don't give up teaching,if you can be close to family to babysit.Good teachers can find work anywhere.A cut in pay may mean tightening up on the old purse strings,but trust me--Where God guides--God provides.

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By guest (Guest Post)
August 26, 20050 found this helpful

I say stay where you are. You have a great life already, great jobs and a home. A baby will just add to it. I have two children and I don't have any family near by, it is tough sometimes, but not bad. I wouldn't suggest up and moving. It would be nice to have family near by so you could go out sometimes without the kids (and not have to worry about a baby-sitter that you don't know or trust completely). I would suggest if you don't already to get involved in a church. THat way you would have a great "extended" family that would be there for you if you need help with anything!! Good luck!!!

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By guest (Guest Post)
August 26, 20050 found this helpful

yes family is everything.

i am single and am bymyself alot. i would love it if i had people around me. that said, if you stay where you are, start making friends. i have

i have some friends that have kids. i am aunt sandy because one set of family is 12 hrs away.

i also suggest focusonthefamily.org. it is for the family all about family etc.

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August 26, 20050 found this helpful

Lots of people have kids without family nearby.

Lots of people live near their families and find them to be worthless.

If you both can have a home and pay for it on ONE salary, feel free to have kids. If not, wait a couple of years by putting one income in the bank and living off the other one. After you have kids, you can't save $.

Family doesn't have to do anything for you when you have kids. You can get a babysitter, you can never leave the kids to go anywhere, it's your option, but don't plan on kids because you have family nearby. Your family has their own lives and schedules and that has nothing to do with your kid.

Maybe you are really expressing doubts about being ready to start a family and it's coming out as "I need to be near my family", instead of "we finally have good incomes and a house and I am wondering about the next step"

I'll tell you what the next step is - pay off the house mortgage and THEN have the kids!

Do you have any idea how much it costs to use diapers, day care, medical expenses?

When you are ready to have kids, the lack of proximity of your family will mean nothing when it comes to decision time.

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August 26, 20050 found this helpful

Hi! Thanks everyone for feedback so far! We both know we will most likely move in time. No point in having a family with no family around. Our families mean everything to us..and reading the replies of how families mean more then jobs really sets things straight. Of course we know how much diapers cost and all that comes along with it, we just are hoping to take comfort in the fact that we will have a good support system once we are back closer to our immediate families. We are excited at the thought of our future kids having cousins and grandparents to be nearby. :-)

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By guest (Guest Post)
August 26, 20050 found this helpful

My brother moved to florida years ago and when he got settled he moved his girlfriend there. Two years later they married and had a daughter. He panicked. You see all the horror stories about day care and nannies, though there are gobs that are wonderful who knows. So there solution was for his wife not to work and financially that didnt work for them. So her parents moved there. Guess what, that didnt work either. They would babysit, but once kids got a little older, around four or five, they were too much for them all the time. So my sister in law took a course in medical transcription and works from home. My other brother lives across town and we take care of his daughter while his wife and he works. I am just saying whatever you want to do and decide to do you can make work. Whatever you decide good luck you will need it, lol.

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By guest (Guest Post)
September 21, 20050 found this helpful

I live in TX and most of my family lives in NC, so four hours away is nothing! I say stay with the excellent and fulfilling jobs you have, start your family, and plan on making weekend visits and having weekend guests. Good luck!

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January 20, 20060 found this helpful

I had my first child 2000 miles away from my family....luckily my DH folks were there, but the second child was without family close by. If you have even one or two good friends for support, that can become very close to family.....the main thing is if you will keep working or not. Will it be you and your husband raising the child, or daycare? We raise two children on one income, my youngest will be one. I am finishing school, and plan to go back into the workforce when the youngest starts school (I take classes parttime, online for minimum expense and time) Our family comes to visit once a year, or we set aside time to see them, other than that it's a lot of phone and e-mail. Remember that it is your (future) children and husband that come first, so do what is best for them. There will always be a need for teachers, but a devoted momma is always needed the most!

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