social

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren?

December 27, 2009

Grandparent with GranddaughterMy granddaughter is 2 1/2 years old. She has lived with me since she was born. Her mom worked and was not willing or able to care for her. I was there when she had colic, for her doctor's appointments, and visitations with her dad.

Advertisement

Now when my daughter and granddaughter come to visit, my granddaughter does not want to leave. She clings to me when it is time to go home. She will ask her aunt to take her to grammy's. As a result, my daughter is keeping her away.

I have been there for my daughter and her daughter. I have tried to show my daughter that her daughter needs to see us together and make this change a healthy transfer for her daughter. My granddaughter doesn't understand. It's been six months since she has moved away.

My daughter seems not to care about her daughter's emotional state and says my relationship with her daughter is sick. This makes me sad. What did I do wrong, but love my daughter by helping and love my granddaughter by keeping her safe and making sure she felt loved?

By cathy from Waldport, OR

Answers

December 28, 20090 found this helpful

Many states have changed their laws regarding the rights of grandparents to have visitation with their grandchildren. Check the laws in your state. You may be able to petition for legal visitation.

 

Bronze Feedback Medal for All Time! 147 Feedbacks
December 28, 20090 found this helpful

Just pray, ask the Lord to help your family with this problem. You will be very surprised at the answers you get, try it.

Advertisement

I know our prayers are answered in some way, the best way for us! Good luck.

 
December 29, 20090 found this helpful

The way I see it is: you need to develop a relationship with your daughter. I know it will be harder than court and such, but if that bridge were explored first then you might take your rightful place as grandma and not mom. Trust me, grandma is such a wonderful spot to be in and you might get a daughter back in the process.

 

Gold Post Medal for All Time! 969 Posts
December 29, 20090 found this helpful

Cathy: First off, you did nothing wrong and everything right. However, as the last poster said, you have rights and I am pretty sure Oregon is as liberal as they come.

Advertisement

I have a dear and old friend in WA who's daughters have both pawned their kids off on her, and she has raised them from scratch and is now trying to get her oldest to take some responsibility for her son. It is a shame that these girls do not know how to be women or moms.

I am not saying your daughter is the same, but there must have been a reason that you had her in the first place. Without knowing why they are back together and she is only 'visiting' you, I cannot help but wonder why your daughter isn't grateful.

It might be time to have a long talk with her. If your granddaughter doesn't want to stay with her mom, there is a reason for that, too.

It is sad to say, but like my friend, she had to do what was best for her grandchildren, and if that meant not having a good relationship with the daughter, then most of the time it is not your fault.

Advertisement

Babies are wonderful in theory, but when the poop and puke and screaming and teething hit...some just don't want to deal with it.

Stand up for yourself and your granddaughter, and stand up to your daughter. I wish you all the luck you can handle. PBP

Here is a link to dozens of sites regarding "grandparents rights oregon"
www.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=grandparents...

 
December 29, 20090 found this helpful

I had raised my granddaughters for years. Mom would visit. She worked in the mornings and to keep the girls from going out into the weather at 5am they stayed here. Came over after school. I paid for everything. Year have gone by now, one 16 the other 11. The 16 year old had a huge blow out with her mother and told her that she would not go home with her, not stay with her. She would run away or call the police.

Advertisement

She stays with me 24/7, and visits her dad three hours away EO Weekend. She is high honor and has two scholarships for college. She is a sophomore now. Next year she takes AP classes that are classes that count at HS and college courses. Guess I did something right. She is a wonderful, young woman and I am so blessed to have her live with me. I agree with prayer. God can work miracles. May not be now but He knows all you did and are doing.

Check the laws in the state. Also if she lives close volunteer to watch her so the mother does not have to take her out in the mornings. THe daughter needs to stop being selfish and if you are there to make that child's life better then she should do it. I will pray for you. I do not understand what is wrong with young people. I did not raise my daughter to break the law and do bad things but after she was 17 she made mad choices. I blamed myself but we can not. They make their choices. Just be there for the grandchild. Keep telling her you love her and give the hugs and kisses. God Bless

 
December 29, 20090 found this helpful

I was in a similar situation many years ago. It sounds like your daughter is jealous, and immature & she may never grow up & do what's best for her daughter. If i was you, I'd look into the laws about the whole thing, just like someone else said here. Such a sad situation & you have my deepest sympathies.

 
December 30, 20090 found this helpful

I was in a similar position years ago. My grandson defied his mother at one point and came to live with me. He was 11 at the time. The relationship I had with my daughter was strained and she did what she could to keep the boy from any contact with me. She no longer has anything to do with me and accuses me of stealing her son.

Advertisement

He is now 23 and has nothing to do with her as, he says, those memories of being with her are too painful. Hang in there and do what you can to keep a relationship with both of them. If not, the child will remember what you did for her. I am a retired psychologist and felt like I was walking on egg shells most of the time.

 
January 4, 20100 found this helpful

Your daughter is not helping the child to make the transition. She is jealous of her child's feeling for you which are not sick. She is naturally more attached to you since you raised her from birth as a favor to her mother. You should speak to someone confidentially (child welfare, etc) about this child's situation. You need professional advice regarding this problem. Your daughter is being cruel to both you and your granddaughter. She is causing you both pain. She is a self-serving person who doesn't care for anyone else's feelings.

 
Answer this Question

2 More Questions

Here are the questions asked by community members. Read on to see the answers provided by the ThriftyFun community.

March 6, 2016

I have been doing this alone for close to 7 years. I have had this little guy since he was a day old. He is an only kid and spoiled rotten! Since he has started school, he has gotten mouthy with me.

I will send him to time out the and words are screamed out the door. How do I deal with this?

Answers


Silver Post Medal for All Time! 255 Posts
March 6, 20162 found this helpful

Does he do this at school as well? I would start with talking to the teacher.

But, if you are doing this alone, and have had him for 7 years, if he is spoiled rotten, you will have to change your ways with him. Stop spoiling him. Take away his privileges and toys when he does this and make him earn them back. The longer you let this go on, the worse it will get.

 
Anonymous
March 7, 20160 found this helpful

Take away his tablet

 
Anonymous
March 7, 20160 found this helpful

Lots of hugs and kisses, and explain why it hurts you when he does this and ask him what you can do together to make it better. And explain why there have to be consequences when he does do it, take a favorite toy and tell him he has to earn it back and you'll try to help him so he can earn it quicker. Also 7 minute timeouts if that doesn't work. Good luck.

 
March 7, 20160 found this helpful

You have spoiled him because you love him and you feel sorry about the situation he's in. Now he's learned grandma is a push-over. Teach him to say please, thank you, yes ma'am and no ma'am or he just doesn't get what he wants.

As far as time out is concerned, ignore anything he yells just as long as he actually takes the time out. He's trying to get your attention. Just put him in the chair and ignore anything he says until time out is over.

 

Silver Answer Medal for All Time! 409 Answers
July 16, 20170 found this helpful

Dr John Rosemond has several books with excellent advice on this subject. You can't accept the disrepect, even if his parents do.

 
Answer this Question

May 17, 2010

Does anyone out there know of any groups that deal with grandparents raising grandchildren?

By Mick from Springfield, MO

Answers


Gold Post Medal for All Time! 846 Posts
May 18, 20100 found this helpful

I honestly don't know, but please try contacting your local churches and also your local State/County Human Resources Department. Both will definitely be able to guide you to the right places for help. I pray that all will be well for you and your grandchildren and bless you, for whatever the circumstances of why you happen to be raising your grandchildren, that all will fair well.

 
May 18, 20100 found this helpful

AARP has information on grandparents raising grandchildren. I have raised a grandchild and as a retired child psychologist also spoke to groups on this issue. You also might try a YWCA if there is one near you or a mental health agency. When I was involved in this, there were a lot of organizations supporting us.

 
May 19, 20100 found this helpful

We lived in Springfield about a year ago and we had trouble finding anyone to help us. We are raising three of our grandkids. We now live in Arkansas. We have found a wonderful group called Arkansas Voices, don't know if they have one there. You might look up Missouri Voices.

Sandra

 
August 3, 20140 found this helpful

Here in Ohio we have kinship groups in every county. They were started by the state welfare office. Contact them in your area. Your state should have them also as it was a federal program that started them. They are a great group who has a lot of information that may help you. They also support you through the steps you take. Just having someone to talk to helps a lot. We love our kinship group.

 
Answer this Question
Categories
Better Living FamilyJuly 30, 2014
Pages
More
🍀
St. Patrick's Ideas!
💘
Valentine's Ideas!
🎂
Birthday Ideas!
Facebook
Pinterest
YouTube
Instagram
Categories
Better LivingBudget & FinanceBusiness and LegalComputersConsumer AdviceCoronavirusCraftsEducationEntertainmentFood and RecipesHealth & BeautyHolidays and PartiesHome and GardenMake Your OwnOrganizingParentingPetsPhotosTravel and RecreationWeddings
Published by ThriftyFun.
Desktop Page | View Mobile
Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Contact Us
Generated 2024-02-03 10:57:03 in 11 secs. ⛅️️
© 1997-2024 by Cumuli, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
https://www.thriftyfun.com/Grandparents-Raising-Grandchildren.html