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Live-in Grandmother No Longer Welcome in Daughter's Home

Category Family
An older woman who is visibly upset.
It is sad to find that despite the help you have given in raising your grandchildren that now your daughter and her spouse appear to want you to move out. Protect yourself and be proactive. This is a guide about live-in grandmother no longer welcome in daughter's home.
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November 30, 20111 found this helpful

I have two grandchildren. My daughter and her husband have lived together for nine years. I watched the children since they both were born while their parents worked. I took them to school and the doctor's from day one.

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Now that the youngest grandchild is in preschool, my daughter and her husband are making my life hard and making comments in a jealous way that shows they envy the children's relationship with me as their grandmother. The children are being told to leave me alone, and don't bother me. They are slowly keeping the children from me. The children now don't come to me or ask to go to the store with me anymore. They don't even ask where I'm going or can they go with me. In the past they always wanted to know.

I see what the parents are doing and how sad my grandchildren are. They made statements that the children won't listen to them and run to their grandmother. I have never overidden my daughter's decisions with regard to the children and support her even in disciplining the children.

This is cruel to the children and is devastating me. I see the intent in them wanting me to move out, with the way they show I'm not needed or wanted anymore. Yep they paid all their debts off as I worked very hard to help them. Now that the children are in school, they have been very plain, they don't want me around any more. My daughter's husband's favorite statement, one that he freely throws out in certain conversations to my daughter is, "At the appropriate time, not now." They have a plan to move and are keeping me in the dark about it. Please help.

By Cathy S. from Tifton, GA

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December 1, 20110 found this helpful
Best Answer

How cruel relatives can be.....do you have a friend you could move in with? Or maybe find an apartment near by. If this is not a choice then find a place to volunteer; your time and help are always appreciated. Do something to show them you are still alive and kicking! Don't let their words define you. Stay in contact with the grand-kids. They are such blessings!

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December 1, 20110 found this helpful

If you honestly think they are planning to move away without you, it's time for you to be pro-active. Start looking for places to live that you can afford. In PA where I live, we have subsidized housing for seniors.

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Maybe there is something similar in your area. Perhaps you can share an apartment with someone, or rent a room in a boarding house or from a friend. I agree with Patty Bertoldi. Find a place where you can volunteer, or take classes at your local college (many of these are free for seniors) What ever you do, do not allow yourself to be a victim. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

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December 1, 20110 found this helpful

Sadly, it sounds pretty much that they used you for live-in day care and now you are not as needed and definitely not wanted and they are probably jealous that you have a better relationship with the grandkids and probably parented them better.

I'd make an immediate plan to move out, telling the grandkids how much you love them as you leave. Here is what will hopefully and probably will happen. Once you are gone, at some point they are going to need babysitting...which they will probably eventually get around to calling you back for that. At which point you will see the grandkids again.

If not, your best bet is to let the grandkids know that you love them regularly (through neighbors, other relatives, the U.S. mail, etc), miss them and wish they could visit. They will probably come around again when they are older. Sadly, at least here in Texas, you don't have a lot of legal "rights" to grandkids, I don't know about other states.

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Contact a lawyer if you think you might and maybe you could get forced visitation. Anyway, I imagine it hurts very much (it would me, as I adore my two grandboys), but recognize these people for the jerks they are and hope for the best, but at the same time try to move on with your life as much as possible.

When you deal with jerks, this is the type of thing that usually happens, sadly. And I am sorry to be a bit rough with you, but in the long run I think it is better to face up to reality and I personally am one for facing facts and then going forward.

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December 1, 20110 found this helpful

Am sorry to hear your story, I wish my gran or my mum were around but both sadly died, very suddenly 35+ years ago. Your daughter will want her mom back again in the future and your grandchildren will want their gran but you have to be strong, brave and forge a new life for yourself and yes, as other have said, start looking and making your decisions for yourself again.

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You sound sad but don't be because you have had some fantastic years with the grandkids which will always be with you and them. chin up girl, put the smile on your face and begin a new chapter in your life. Take care. Meshelle

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