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Sharing Expenses with Boyfriend

My boyfriend and I both own our own homes. His adult daughter who is 38 years old and her 12 year old son live with him. She has a good job, but is in a lot of debt. He helps me a lot fixing things at my house. We take short trips a few times a year close to home and he pays for the lodging. I drive my car, pay for gas, and share in other expenses. He stays at my house 5 days a week. My problem is his daughter pays nothing at his house and he pays nothing at mine, which is OK. He only buys wine when he is here, no food, and we don't eat out much. He seems to think since he fixes things I should not ask him to buy food. If I mention his daughter living free at his house he gets mad. She runs his gas bill up to $ 200 a month.

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March 15, 20170 found this helpful

How long have you two dated for?

I don't think he should think helping out around your house is a way of paying a sort of service. He should think of it as helping you out because he's handy.

Since he's spending majority of his time at your place, bills are involved - water, electric+gas, grocery bills, etc.

I think its best to sit down and ask if we can help consolidate the bills and compromise.

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March 15, 20170 found this helpful

What his daughter does is between him and her.

You need to figure out the value of the food, electricity, heat, and anything else he is using at your house. Then figure out how much you would have to pay someone to fix the things he fixes for you. If it's equal, fine. If not, show him the numbers and let him contribute his share. Numbers never lie.

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March 16, 20170 found this helpful

It looks like there is a boundary issue going on here with regard to his daughter. I completely understand your frustration over her living there rent-free, but the truth is that he does not owe you an explanation. While I get that you are in an exclusive relationship, you are not married to him, and therefore whatever arrangement he has put in place in order to help his daughter and grandchild is not contingent upon your approval. I also think that if you both have no interest in taking your relationship to the next level, and are happy dating for now, you kinda don't want to start demanding compensation for the time he spends with you.

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March 18, 20170 found this helpful

It's best you don't think of the situation with the daughter at all. When you do, mixed feelings will start seeping into your own relationship and making you hold a harder grudge. Try not to. I would definitely break down the costs between the two of you. Maybe even start by having him not stay over so much? A little breathing space can remind you what it is you adore about each other :)

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