My oldest child was 9 years old before he began a relationship with his biological father. It could have been a very stressful situation for everyone involved, but from day one ground rules were laid out and a healthy relationship began.
I offer the following tips to Mothers and Fathers facing this situation:
Make it CLEARLY understood that this is not a "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" situation. A child's emotions are involved and they have already felt the pain of rejection. As a parent make it clearly understood that your child will not be tossed around at the other parent's convenience and stand your ground in this decision.
Work as a "TEAM". My son could never have asked for a better step mother than he has. She accepted him and freely gave of her time and resources so that he felt love from both sides. That is unfortunately, not always the case in visitations. But I did my part by not interfering in their family life. She felt no threat to their marriage and I tried to encourage a "no foolishness" policy. This was HER husband and I had no right to interfere. Negative feelings were not expressed to my child, and we all worked as a TEAM for his sake, and with God's help and provision, it worked!
Years ago, no one could have told me it could have been done, but over the last two years we have celebrated his marriage and the birth of our first grandchild TOGETHER, and this all came about because we all worked towards one common goal--making our son feel love and acceptance from both sides of his family.
My heart goes out to children of separated families. But by working together for the child's sake it CAN be done successfully.
RE: Parental Visitations - Easing a Child's Stress
By Gina (Guest Post)
Leanne, please contact me. My ex is also a pastor and treats me horrible. We have a nine year old son and my ex is constantly fighting me and is so uncooperative when it comes to our son. We are supposed to have joint custody, but he acts like he can do whatever he wants without discussing it with me. If you want to talk, email me at floridagalrb @ hotmail.com (remove spaces)
RE: Parental Visitations - Ea sing a Child's Stress
By Sharon,Ky (Guest Post)
I wonder if his congregation knows the way he treats you.I admire you for the fact that you keep negative remarks about him from your children,but he has no right to fill their minds with negative remarks about you either.How can a man preach about love to others when he can't show his own children an example of love and forgiveness?I've always said of my own situation, that if God can forgive me WHO AM I to hold grudges for the one who has wronged me?Harboring bitterness for another individual only makes for a miserable life.I must say I'd HAVE to tell him he needs to show his children by EXAMPLE what forgiveness is all about,and that would make a happier situation for everyone involved. God bless you.
RE: Parental Visitations - Easing a Child's Stress
By Leanne (Guest Post)
I would give anything if my situation were like that but unfortunately it isn't. My ex hates me and makes no bones about it to our children. I have begged and pleaded for the sake of our children to put the past behind us and attempt to co-parent these children. At this point all I can do is pray about it and turn it over to God. I have primary custody of our 16 yr old daughter and he has primary of our 13 yr old son. Sadly my son is having to grow up hearing awful things said about his mom by his very bitter dad. Count your many blessings. To top all of this off my ex is a pastor, can you imagine?
Congratulations! I too am divorced and have always gotten along well with my ex. He and my current husband get along and we have no problems with child support, visitation etc. It makes me so sad to hear about people who divorce each other and then use the children against each other and things like that. We have celebrated birthdays, holidays, etc together and even have keys to each others housed "just in case". It all CAN be done !! Your children will feel extra loved and not have all the feelings of guilt or anxiety that can sometimes occur. I know that the reasons some people get divorced can be very hurtful but the children deserve love and respect from each parent regardless. If you love your kids then do the right thing!
Login using the form on the top of the page to post feedback (if you are a registered user). If you have not yet registered, click here to do so. It's FREE!.
