My 8 year old daughter has never had long hair. It's a short type cut, just about middle of the ear, and is cute. I would like to see her grow long hair just once. She has never seen herself with long hair so she believes the norm is a short haircut, that's all she's ever had.
The reason she's never had long hair because my wife says it's easier to manage. My daughter hates having her hair brushed, and won't use barrettes or anything else to help keep the hair out of her eyes. Now here is the question, (and you should know that my wife thinks I'm way off base here). Is it odd for girl to never have long hair in the first 8 years of life?
By dbothe from Pittsburgh
I don't know that I'd call it odd. Many parents keep their kids in short hair because it is so much easier to handle. Your daughter is getting to the age where she will start paying attention to the way other girls her age look and she may decide on her own that she wants to grow it out. I certainly wouldn't make a push for it one way or the other. Girls are so sensitive about the way they look around that age--she'll have enough body images to worry about. If she's happy with her hair, I'd just leave the issue alone.
I absolutely agree with Trenea and I think I have a little knowledge, having raised 5.
I don't think it's odd that she had not had long hair ever. However, if the issue is keeping it our of her eyes (always an issue with my girls), she can always have it cut in layers.
I agree. Don't push for a hair length other than what she has already. You, as her father, have a very important role in validating your daughter as an emerging young woman. Enjoy her as she is and compliment her on all the maturity you see coming from her in whatever forms it presents itself. She needs you to support her and not come off as being critical which she will interpret as negative and rejecting.
Remember: It's her hair. If she already hates having it brushed and doesn't like "doing" her hair with barrettes and things Do not push for long hair. Long hair on a kid is a pain the the wahzoo anyway. When, and if she's ready for longer hair, she'll let you know. Until then, Dad, stay out of it.
My parents kept my hair short until I turned fourteen when I demanded to be allowed to grow it long with the condition I promised to take good care of it ;-) Keep in mind I am now 55 so it hasn't been out of the norm for several decades ;-)
Chill out and stop making it an issue and when your daughter wants it long you'll know ;-) Before then it's your ego battle of wills with your wife and that's silly! It's obvious to me that if your daughter doesn't even want her hair brushed or wear a barrette that she could give a rats behind about having it long and doesn't care if it's short!
I was a tomboy and never had long hair until my senior year in high school. My mom even took me to the barber shop with my brothers in the summer time. I think a lot has to do with how much the mother wants to fuss with the daughter's hair. I kept my daughter's hair short because I didn't have a clue what to do with it beside a pony tail.
I'm almost 70 and never had hair longer than touching my shoulders because of fine and hard to manage hair. I have always liked short hair and have had many short, feminine styles. Also, since high school I have colored and taken care of professional styling on my own. Long hair does not equal feminity. Don't fight your wife unless you are prepared to do your daughter's hair! Let your daughter make her own decision about length when she is able to take care of her hair.
I think long hair is way over-rated.
Having had both long and short hair, I can speak only for myself, but here is my opinion: Short hair can be great in the summer, easy to manage, great not to have that hair, even in a pony tail, on the neck. Imagine wearing a fur wrap around your neck on the hottest day of the year, ugh. Wash and go in a very short time. Look at other girls her age, are their hair lengths short, how about the actresses or singers she admires, are their styles short. Girls that age often want to emulate someone they admire, hair, dress, mannerisms.
Now for long hair. It is a true commitment. If she already does not like her hair brushed, imagine a few snarls in her hair, or if (heaven forbid) she gets gum in it. Also, very long hair (I could almost sit on my hair at one time) takes a long time to wash, and make sure you get all the soap out, then you have to creme rinse it, making sure you get all that out. Brushing it out can take 15 to 20 min, then putting it in a plait to keep it in some kind of order while sleeping.
Taking it out of the plait, brushing it again before getting dressed (and styling it, too) that in itself if she likes really styled hair can take an hour. In the summer, it is a downer, I don't know about others, but I shed my hair like a Persian cat. Hair everywhere. On clothes, furniture, in the shower drain, Thick long hair on the neck is torture in the summer (think of that wrap on your neck w/o much relief). However in winter, if you put your hair over your shirt but under your scarf, you can keep a bit warmer outside. Long hair is a real commitment.
Enjoy your little girl and her short hair. All too soon she is going to start experimenting with different styles in hair, clothing, make up and some boy is gonna steal her heart. She'll let you know when (or if) she wants to grow her hair.
One more thing: A little girl often feels like a big girl and boosts her self esteem when her parents not only make her own decision on her own style, but support her on those decisions, even if you'd like her to try something else.
Your question is really a mixed bag. From what I can tell, your daughter doesn't want long hair, YOU want her to have long hair. She doesn't want it brushed or doesn't want to keep it out of her eyes or....she's really not ready for anything other than a hair cut that allows her to just be. Give her a few years and let her make that decision when she can care for her choice by herself.
Thank you all for your answers. I am humbled. You all must know my wife. I am staying out of the long hair debate. Again thanks.
Now, lets try this one. I have a boy age 10, girl age 8. My wife never asks the kids to comb there hair before leaving the house, or ever for that matter. Their hair is combed once after they bath and wash hair about every 3-4 days.
Before they leave for school , I ask them to comb there hair before leaving. I often get a nasty look from my wife, as if this in inappropriate.
Isn't it the job of the parents to teach our children how to groom themselves? Or do we just wait and let them figure it out when they start to care about there image.
No, I had a pixie cut all my childhood and my mother was a hairdresser. LOL
My daughter has had long hair twice now and she's 11. Right now it's long but not extremely so. We just got a couple inches trimmed before the start of school and her bangs cut. She has had a cute little turned under "bob" sort of hair cut too and that looked most adorable on her. Short hair is easier to take care of as Amanda's hair gets very tangled and she's not good about keeping it brushed. I usually see to it that her hair is brushed well before she leaves the house. I think it's a reflection on me if she goes out with her hair looking a fright.
Even tho she's old enough to take care of it. She doesn't like me to get the tangles out and complains and I can imagine it does hurt. She likes me to do hairstyles other than it just hanging down. The first time we let it grow out, she was about 4. My husband wanted to see her with long hair. Then when she started Kindergarten we got it cut again because it was just too much of an ordeal each morning to get it brushed. Now she wants it long herself and that does seem to be the style for girls her age but I've also thought it'd be cute shorter again and definitely would be easier.
Once your daughter is "old enough" to style/groom her hair she will decide for herself what works best. If she does not want her hair brushed etc. Why put your poor wife through the agony and fuss of long hair? Are you willing to take over your daughter's hair care?
We never cut my daughters hair (except for trim ups) from the time she was born until Kindergarten where she got head lice & we HAD to cut it because it was so long & thick that we kept missing lice eggs & she'd have another outbreak. Her hair is blond, straight as a pin & super thick, so thick that even with today's style (just below the ear) it still takes 2 body perm packages to do a home perm on her. She is also very tender-headed. I am very tender-headed too, have ultra fine hair that tangles even with just shaking my head after brushing, but at 50 I still wear my hair long. Nearly all of my life, as has my daughter (even with short hair), it has become routine to use a conditioner on our hair after washing.
Then, before we brush it out, we use a spray on detangler that we get at Dollar General, use a wide-tooth comb to comb out the tangles, finish it with a spikey-type brush & hope for the best. After it is dry & between washings & we brush our hair, if there is a tangle we use the same spray on detangler - spray just a bit on the tangle & work it out with the wide-tooth comb. Since turning 5 & deciding she was too big for me to wash her hair for her, my daughter has since taken care of her own hair - she's now 33 & has 3 children who, unfortunately have inherited her hair & scalp. The 2 girls choose to wear their hair long. The 5 year old has been doing her own hair since she was 4 - both girls do the same thing their mother & I have done nearly all our lives.
Perhaps your children have very tender scalps & don't like to brush it because of the tangles & pulling. However, they shouldn't go without brushing their hair at least twice a day! Yes, it IS up to the parents to teach their children good grooming habits, otherwise, it will get worse as they get older. It's not right that your wife gives you 'those looks' because you want the children to be presentable in public. Isn't she embarrassed when they go out looking like lost little orphans? I would be! Raising 5 children was really, really tough at times money wise. There were a lot of things we couldn't afford to get - but our children were always clean & well-groomed when we went out in public. You need to make it an absolute rule that hair gets brushed before leaving the house! And don't back down!
Also, your daughter should make up her own mind about whether to wear long or short hair. My mother kept my hair in a boyish style & refused to let me grow it long - too much trouble, she said. Because I was too much of a tomboy, was another excuse. I hated it & yearned for long hair. Since I married I haven't cut it except for trim ups or long cut styles. My hair is so fine & burns horribly during perms (I have a 3.75 minute set time before it starts to burn) I haven't had a perm for years but put my hair up in long styles most of the time, French twists, etc. - & it tangles less & most are easy to do. Yes, it's a hassle to keep my hair this long - but it's my choice...
My mother could never stand the pain of letting me grow my hair long when I was a child. It was always short, either a coconut cut, yep that's what it looked like a coconut, or a mid ear bob with a very very short fringe and clippered neck. It wasn't until I was 20 that I grew my hair long!
When my daughter was young I worked 6 days a week and didn't have the time when I was at home to mess with her hair. She always had it short and was told that once she was old enough to fix it herself she could have it long. Well, she's 30 now, does some modeling and guess what! She wears it short. Also, this is sad to say but I've read that most people who kidnap little girls pick the ones with long hair since it's easy to grab onto. You may just be keeping her safe.
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My name is Luke and six months ago my wife left me and our daughters for another guy and moved away and told us not to contact her. I have 3 daughters, Emma (13), Jane (10), and Ellen (8). Because I am a single working dad I haven't got time or the money to take care of my girls hair, as their mum did all that. They all have straight waist length brunette hair.
So because I'm so busy and can't take care of their hair, I'd like to know your opinions on how and if I should cut their hair, how much to cut off and whether I should take them to a salon or barber? I was thinking something a lot shorter like a very short crop with a high nape shave or possibly a crewcut so I wouldn't have to take them so often and it would be easy for them to handle.
I know they will be upset, but they know I wouldn't do it without reason, so they will understand. What does everybody think?
HI Luke: Ask your girls what they would like. It would be hard on them if you made them cut their hair so short. Hair is very important for girls of all ages. It's all about compromise, maybe just get a trim. Its a little easier to handle shoulder length hair. Beauty schools are a cheaper alternative than salons. There is plenty of information online or at the library on how to do hairstyles.
I am not sure that your question isn't a spoof; but in case it is legitimate, I would really advise against cutting their hair very short. They have lost enough. The two older ones are old enough to take care of their own hair, and to help their little sister, too. Make sure they have shampoo and conditioner and a good wide-tooth comb. After they wash their hair, they put conditioner on and comb it through. When rinsing, they try not to tangle it; and don't rub to dry, wrap in a towel and squeeze gently. Long hair kept in braids stays tidy a long time.
If you insist on cutting; go to a beauty school (which will cost less) and ask for something "low maintenance". Make sure it is cute. Leave it long enough to go into a pony tail easily, and just make sure you keep plenty of pony tail holders around. (You can buy them at the dollar store.)
If your story is real, you are overwhelmed, and rightly so. But don't be afraid to ask for help from friends and family.
Your girls will probably have an idea of what's "cool" right now and what looks they like already. Maybe the oldest one could help make sure her sisters are styled for school and what have you. Just simple things like headbands and hair ties can make a style.
I agree that hair is very important to girls. especially at that age, and I wouldn't force any kind of haircut on them. Most shopping malls have hair salons that aren't too expensive and they might have some ideas for easy to manage styles that your girls will like.
Do you live in the UK? You used the word "mum" instead of "mom," so I was wondering. Here in the US we have places like Supercuts and Great Clips that cost less than other salons, but they would probably be better than taking your girls to a barber shop for men. I don't know if they have similar places in the UK. We've used Great Clips, because there is one right next to the Target we use. My husband and daughter (8 years old) have both gotten decent haircuts there.
I would not recommend a crew cut for a girl, unless SHE wants it. Especially if she has waist-length hair; that's such a dramatic change. And I'm afraid other kids would pick on her for a crew cut. Kids can be very cruel about such things. A crew cut would take a very long time to grow out.
My daughter has chin-length hair. It's all one length. She shampoos it herself, but I usually pop into the bathroom to make sure she's rinsing it well. Sometimes she misses getting all the shampoo out behind her ears. Since we got her hair cut to this length about a year ago, it has been easier to take care of (it was probably down to her shoulder blades before). She wanted her hair cut to this length, we did not force it on her. She can brush it out and part it herself. If the girls already have some hairpins or clips, take a handful along when they get their haircuts, and ask the stylist if she can show you (and the girls) an easy way to clip back their hair. If you explain that you're new to this, she probably won't mind showing you one or two ways to pin their hair. Having a few headbands is nice, too. Right now big bows and fluffy flowers seem pretty popular, and you can buy headbands with the flowers already attached. There are different styles of headbands (rigid plastic, soft flexibly rubbery, and stretchy fabric). You might have to try different styles to find out what they like, so don't buy the fancy (more expensive) ones at first. Assuming their mum had supplies for taking care of their hair, they may already have hairbands.
If your girls aren't willing to cut a lot of length off at one time, maybe they will be able to try 4-6 inches at a time. But, as it has already been pointed out, at their age they can do a lot on their own. It might be helpful for you to learn a simple braid. But unless mum was doing absolutely everything for them, at least the 13 year old should be able to braid.
You sound like you want to take care of them, but like you're dealing with a whole lot at one time. I was thinking that maybe you could have a "salon night" at home. After their hair cuts, take one weekend evening and make it an event. Get out the hairpins, clips, and hairbands. You could check out a book or two about hairstyling from the library. Do you have a female friend or relative who could come along and help out? Everyone could help each other try out new things with their new hair cuts. You could pick up a package of small cookies or cupcakes and let the girls feel like they're doing something fun and special. Hopefully they'd be less resistant, and it would be a fun, safe way to experiment.
Sorry you're going through rough times. You can get through this. I hope everyone loves their new hair styles!