I'm a working woman and I'm newly married. My problem is that I cannot manage my time. I'm finding it very difficult to cook, clean and also go to work. I need to be in office by 9.30a.m and I leave the office by 6 pm. I just started cooking and find it very difficult to cut veggies etc. so I'm very slow with the cooking.
My hubby does not help me with the cooking or cleaning. If I ask him he says he will do it but its me who ends up doing it so nowadays I don't bother asking him for help. Could someone give me a time table of some sort where I can manage things better. Its just been 2 months since I got married and I already feel like "why did I get married?" I was so happy living in a hostel with not a single care.
By Shwetha from India
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i am sorry that you are having all the trouble! I amyself, no as a mom of 3 and a stay at home mom, that things are crazy here also. What about a delivery service for your food, already , like schwains. Ther are great!
Have you thought about a calendar to keep in your purse or desk at work? Or reminders... You really need to talk to your husband about the way you feel. It's not fair for you to be the bearer of all things!
Hugs to you!
Crystal ( nc usa)
Do you have a crockpot? It really helped me when I was working in the office to have the cooked meal waiting on me when I got home. There are lots of crockpot recipes on this site. The crockpot was a lifesaver for me when I worked in the office similar to your schedule.
Also, cook once, eat twice. Anytime you are cooking make enough for 2 meals so you can take the 2nd night off. If you don't want leftovers the 2nd night throw it in the freezer for a later time.
Meal planning is a must. Plan your meals for at least a week out. It helps when you are walking in the door to already have your dinner plan ready to go. Good luck. It will get easier with practice and planning ahead. Tracey in Jacksonville FL
With the two of you, things shouldn't get too out of place when both are gone all day. I would suggest that each night one chore is done for example on Monday is cooking for several nights in advance and you can make chili, and beans and ham in the crock and serve leftovers during the week. You could eat out if affordable or have take home or pizza and add extra trimmings you like once a week which gives you more time for other tasks or just relax. Tuesday is laundry, Thursday is dusting, Wednesday is church or vacuuming/mopping, Friday is grocery shopping, Saturday is laundry & scrubbing bathroom, Sunday is church or free time. It will get easier with practice and you may find yourself able to do more than one task nightly and keep chores caught up.
Anytime you run an errand, stop by the store and pick up a few groceries needed and not spend but a few minutes at the store or have hubby stop by on his way home (provide a list and brands used) from work for the both of you and he could take out the garbage, fill both vehicles with gas at the end of the week and this will save you time and he may not mind doing these kind of chores. Good luck!
You need to have a heart to heart talk with your so called hubby & tell him what you expect him to do or get out. I hate for you to be unhappy the rest of your life. It's not worth it. I've been there, good luck.
There is no reason you should continue to clean up after your husband. You are setting up a pattern that will become more difficult to change the longer it goes on, and you will only end up resenting him.
If you ask him to do something and he doesn't do it, leave it be. If you must, cook meals, do laundry and clean only for yourself. If he won't respond to your requests, he'll most certainly respond when he doesn't have any clean socks to wear!
As for cooking, a crockpot can help make your days so much more manageable. Here's a great website to get you started:
A crockpot is a great idea and so is cooking ahead and freezing meals. Also, cut up your vegetables and prepare your starch (potato or rice or bread) the night before if you can. When it's time to make the meal you only have to cook the veg and meat and heat up the starch.
Assign your husband specific household chores that he and only he will do. Try taking out the trash, vacuuming or sweeping, washing windows, etc. That way when those things don't get done, he has only himself to blame.
If your husband is very picky about food or expecting elaborate meals, go in the opposite direction. Serve him the same simple dish every day for a week. When he asks why, tell him you are too busy with work and chores to think of something else to make.
Above all, unless your husband is really bad to you (abusive, addict, gambler) don't regret getting married. Time may change things. Or even if it doesn't, being married to a good man is a blessing. My husband of ten years still waits until he is out of clean socks to ask me to wash some, forgets to take out the overflowing trash and never rinses out his milk glass. I love him completely, though, and have never regreted marrying him.
I can relate! I have worked, with kids that were "yours, mine, and ours". Imagine putting homework and school clothes and lunches into the equation. What I'm trying to say is, you learn as you go, when you feel overwhelmed, just do what has to be done and let the rest go. If hubby doesn't like not having everything done, he'll eventually pitch in. If he doesn't, it's not the end of the world. Life is hard, and marriage is harder.
Do the best that you can and you will have no regrets. After 28 yrs of marriage, my husband is now in a wheelchair, and my life was hard for a reason....it made me tough and able to do everything myself, at a time when I really need to.
My advise to you is the same as some you already have.
1) Study crock pot cooking; cooking once, eating twice; and preparing foods on the weekend for the next week.
2) Learn to let some things go. The house doesn't have to be spotless.
3) Sit down with your husband and really tell him how unhappy you are with the situation and how stressed you feel. Maybe you can agree on some tasks that are his and some that you will handle and then maybe some that either of you can do when the need arises. You have to do this with tact however so he won't feel like a child with assigned chores! If you cook better and he dislikes cooking, you cook while he runs the vac. Everybody can straighten up before bed. Oh that's an idea! "Sorry Honey, I can't come to bed yet because I have to straighten this house up. Just go without me and don't wait up."
4) Focus on the full side of the cup. You have a man who loves you. Many people never get that. It'll work out!
If you are from India it is hard for me to give advice for your situation.
If you were in America I'd say your husband needs to share the housework or provide $100% of the income so you may quit your job to care for the home.
Go on a sex strike.
Hi, Try this.
Get up half hour or so earlier in the mornings, cut your vegetables and leave soaking in cold water, this will not harm them and they are ready to either pop on the stove or drain and put into the microwave.
When cooking meat dishes, pasta etc. cook double or triple quantities, use 1 serving then freeze into meal sizes then you will have enough for another meal, do this with several
varieties of meal and rotate. This will help with the meals.
Cleaning, Once you have your home spick and span it would only be necessary to clean the rooms you use the most, example, Kitchen,dining etc. every 1-2 days the other rooms
you can clean one at a time to keep tidy. If nobody is in the home during the day there shouldn`t be that much to do.
Shopping: Organize what dishes you want for say 2-3 weeks and shop accordinly in one large shopping day.(Not fruit & Veg though). This will release you from the need to always be at the Supermarket and save heaps of time.
Baking: Can always have a Baking day from time to time choosing recipes that are easy to make and able to freeze.
See if you can get your Husband to do the dishes and maybe clean the Bathroom as I know many do not wish to do what they refer to as Womans Work. Try and get a few things done before leaving for work and then again a few extra jobs done in the evening.
I have found this works well, I am in my 70`s and still working 6 days a week running a Business alone and still manage to get everything done. Good Luck, Hope this helps. Lorimay Perth Western Australia.
I'm not going to bother addressing the husband issue because everyone's marriage is different and is their own business.
My suggestions come from years of being a single mom with a job. I found that if I did the majority of my prep work on one of my days off and put them in airtight bags or bowls until I was ready to use them. I would try to do the majority of my cooking on one of my days off and then put things in the freezer to be pulled out and reheated when we wanted them. Some of the dishes you prepare early don't have to be cooked before you freeze them. For example, Lasagna can be prepared ahead of time, put in the freezer "raw", then baked on the day you want to eat it. Do as much of your prep work ahead of the day you need it as you can, as it will make your actual meal preparation that much faster.
If you watch TV at night after dinner, bring your vegetables, cutting board, knife and bowl into the living room with you and cut while you watch TV.
Hope these tips help you and make your mealtime a funtime instead of all work and stress for you! Congratulations and best wishes for a happy life together!
Sheila Saey in Decatur, IL
I know things are different in the US from where you live, but I think you need to make some changes before this goes on too long. I've been dealing with this for 26 years. My husband is a great guy and I wouldn't trade him for the world, BUT you are correct, the resentment does build.
I was a stay at home Mom for the first 10 years and did everything, and when I went to work it didn't change. Now I am ill, and nothing is getting done. If it has only been 2 months, please make your changes now. Sit down and tell him how you feel. When you have children it will get worse, WAY worse.
Maybe make a chore chart of all you are doing and ask him which ones he wants to do. If that doesn't work I would stop doing for him. Stop and feed yourself on the way home, do laundry for yourself only.
This may end up in a verbal disagreement, but at least it will be out in the open then, and you won't have to stew for years. Please let us know how this goes. I'm signing up for the feedback alert on this topic.
This is not a time management problem; this is an attitude problem -- both yours and your husband's. Does he just expect that you will do all the housework and be waited on? Or are you putting those expectations on yourself? It actually should be easier for 2 people to live together and take care of a home than it is for one person. Of course, if you didn't have to take care of a home before, there is definitely more work involved than you had before.
You need to talk to your husband about your feelings. I don't know about the culture of India, but I do know that your feelings are similar to many young married women here in Canada. The "men" are used to having someone take care of them, or of living in a messy house. Or some men think that they are the boss of the house, and the wife is the entire staff, who has to keep up the house to the boss's standards. These are not good situations.
I don't care where you are in the world, these days, marriage should be a partnership, with the work equally divided between both husband and wife. Even if your husband makes more money than you do, if you are working the same amount of hours, housekeeping chores should be shared. Realistically, the woman usually does more, expecially when you have children, but now in the first months of your marriage is the time to set the pattern for the rest of your life.
Cleaning and cooking are not just your responsibility. Two adults live in your home; two adults should share the jobs.
I have tried the suggestions here, and they did not help. I am in the same situation. My DH agreed to help out around the house and told me what he would do to help out, and that was the end of that. I still take out the trash, or it overflows, do all the cleaning, (he does run the brush in the toilet, and sometimes wipes it off, prolly all w/out the cleaner, so I go and put cleaner in and "clean" again when he is gone), do all the shopping, clean animal cages, haul laundry to/from my car to do at laundymat, cooking, you get the idea, everything.
He says our DD (8yrs old) needs to help out, he says he does the outside work (ha, looks like a slum out there, needs picked up and cleaned in back yard, badly). He spends more time working on the motorcycle and his truck, and on computer. He has an extra day that I dont have to do things, and he refuses to do any of this when it is his "day off", well, I dont get a day off, I am playing catch up on my weekends. Sorry so long, needed to vent.
In the U.S. there is a saying from the American Indians, "Fathers from sun to sun. Mother's work is never done." For the most part, that is true, but you don't need to feel overwhelmed and underappreciated. Life is a struggle.
I find great help from this website. www.flylady.net I hope you will try this woman's methods of gaining control over her housework and environment. She has helped many, many people!
Warm regards and best wishes always, my dear!! Please try to take one day at a time. Life will get better.
I agree with Carol in PA. Flylady rocks. I have been involved with her and her website since near the beginning. I am not the best homemaker, but am much better off than I use to be. Try it out and then you can FLY. (Finally Love Yourself)
I have been married for 38 years. In the beginning I never wanted to be a nagging wife so I went about the chores that needed to be done a little differently. At the time we only had a bath tub, no shower, his job was dirty so he always left it dirty where I had to clean it before my bath. I tapped a note on the wall that said THANK YOU for cleaning the tub after use, little things like this mean so much to me. I love you.
He got in the habit of dropping his clothes on the floor. I ask him to please put them in the hamper or basement where I did the laundry but "he forgot" so I just kicked his dirty clothes in the closet close to where he dropped them. I knew he would run out of work clothes sooner or later and when he did,he ask about where all his work clothes were. I told him IF they had been put in the clothes hamper OR the basement, then they had been cleaned, if not he might look around where he dropped them. Next day they were in the hamper!
So let's say you are fixing dinner, you say your slow since you are just learning to cook, go even SLOWER! Have dinner late so it's late and you CAN"T do the dishes (this might really hurt you but this may work for you) so next day here you are fixing dinner BUT you tell your husband if he wants dinner tonight, he will have to do the dishes while you fix dinner. He is going to eat and he is going to help dirty the dishes so you will need his help and that way with you BOTH in the kitchen you both will be able to relax together afterward. Praise him when he does anything even if it is not the way you would do it.
Some times with other things you might just have to bring it to their attention. Like use to the wet towels at my house was just dropped any old place. I wanted to scream but I held it up to him and said "are you done with this wet towel or were you keeping it on this chair for a reason'?
omething is broke and you ask them to look at it and he either forgets or just doesn't do it? Get out a variety of his tools, nail, glue or what not depending on what is broken (do this when he is near). He will want to know what you are doing. He will say you don't know how to fix it. You say well it's not working anyway so even if I don't fix it I did give it a try!
You see there are many different way to go about doing things and getting help if they just don't understand how much needs to be done in a home. Good luck and I thing all of us here will be interested to hear from you and see how or if anything has helped.
These are great ideas. Now that we are retired, my husband does the cooking five nights a week (I cook 2 nights) and does the grocery shopping, puts the dishes up out of the dishwasher, does the vacuuming and mows the yard. We both garden. I clean the house, do the laundry, ironing, pay the bills. We take turns taking out the trash.
One of our best timesavers is to make menus for a week or two, then repeat. This reduces the time to make menus. Have one meal of leftover veggies each week and possibly eat out or order take-out to cut down on your time cooking dinner.
Another timesaver I did when I worked was to make a list of what clothes I would wear for a week at a time. Then I did not need to fret about what to wear each morning. I referred to the list and I was set for the day. That saved at least 5-10 minutes each morning, but only took about 5 minutes once a week to write it down. Then after 4 weeks of outfits, I repeated from Week 1.
As many other posts have mentioned, you and your life will be much less stressful if you and your husband can share duties. I have the motto that we eat out of clean dishes, wear clean clothes and sleep in clean beds, but you can write your name in the dust on any of the furniture. This means the important things get done, but leaves time for fun, creative and entertaining times to do something for you either alone or with your husband.
Life is good and will get better. I agree that married life is much different than living alone. Don't fret about everything being in its place. Enjoy your new married life and I hope some of the good tips here will help you get your husband involved to make a good team. Best of luck to you.
It's not a time management problem - it's a labor issue. You're doing more work than before and with no help you're getting overwhelmed. Women want to do it all...(I don't but that's another story!). I like to cook more than I need that way there are leftovers for either another meal or lunches. Good luck but don't fail to talk to him about the issues.
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