I am 40 and getting married for the second time in June. My fiance's son is 17 and will graduate in June. He will be the best man in our wedding. Besides that, I was wondering if there is something else I could do, without stepping on his mom's toes, to let him know he is and always will be part of us. He lives with my fiance full time and I am very excited to be a stepmom, even if he will be 18 years old soon.
I was thinking about maybe getting the three of us matching titanium bands to wear on our right hand that have a cross emblem cut out in it, but don't know if that is too cheesy. My fiance and I got back together in November and I still live in TX and he is in NC. So, I haven't had allot of time with his son. I did go visit for Thanksgiving and Spring Break. I will be moving there June 8th. Any ideas and suggestions welcomed. Thanks!
Amanda from TX
My stepdad and mom gave me a ring when they got married! I really appreciated it. I still wear it sometimes, 15 years later! I think it is a neat way to show you care about him! :)
By Anna (Guest Post) 04/03/2008
Maybe some one on one time would be appreciated. If he's a mature young man, I'm sure he'd like to get to know you better. You could take him to the movies and a snack afterwards, just have a casual chat about school, and your own teenage years. It doesn't have to be expensive. Good luck!
By Danielle 04/03/2008
That is a really great idea. But I have two brothers, a 16 yr old and a 22 yr old, and they are more into electronics and such. I would say ask your fiance what he is into. If he does wear jewelry of any kind I would say go for it, most guys that I know 16 to 25 like either hemp jewelry (this is just like the rope no drug references) or leather. If not, then try something like a CD player for his car (if he has one) or something like a digital camera (if he doesnt have one). All of these things could be considered a personal gift if you give it with the right kind of verbal sentiment. I wouldn't think that mom would have to big of a problem with any of these things. Good luck!
By JC (Guest Post) 04/03/2008
I would shy away from a ring for a boy almost 18 - unless you know for sure he would like it. At 18 most boys do not want to be attached to any parent by a public token.
A special photo of you and your new hubby and this son along with any children you might have could be taken and displayed prominently in your home - a letter written by you expressing your hope he will always consider your home his and the family he may one day have - any electronic gift would probably be nice, an Ipod, etc. -- be sure to include any close friend he might want to attend the wedding - girl or boy. I have both a step daughter and step son who were 19 and 20 when I married their Dad and I found the less fuss I made over things the better. Be sure to celebrate
holidays and birthdays - and give him space with his Dad for things they do now together, fish, hunt, etc.
Don't change their activities too much!
At his age I think I would stick to anything to do with music. CD or DVD tokens.
Jewellery is an individual thing and the bands do sound a bit cheesy - he doesn't know you well enough yet.
Maybe on the day of your wedding his father could give him a Friendship bracelet from you both as something to remember the special occasion.
( I think if you wanted him to wear matching bands he would feel like he was betraying his Mom.)
Friendship bracelets are cool and the trend for both sexes so that would be a wiser bet.
I would find out which CD's he's after (ask his dad to find out) or safer still would be to give vouchers. They would go down well.
Any extravagant gift given to him would make him embarrassed or feel awkward.
If you gave Music Vouchers he would be thinking how cool you are while he was spending time in the record store buying his music. He would associate you with his favourite kind of music and when he listened to it he would remember you too.
I wish you and your future hubby every happiness and just take it easy with his son - don't rush things and you'll have a great relationship.
Best of luck
By Kathy (Guest Post) 04/05/2008
When we got married 5 1/2 years ago my step-son was 11 but this is what we did to let him know that we are a family without stepping on any toes.
During the ceremony when you light the unity candle you can also light a candle with both of you and your stepson too. We had 2 separate candles made (I found someplace online but don't remember where now I'm sure with a little research for "unity candles" you could find somewhere too). One was a tall pillar with DH and my name and the date on it and the second one was a couple of inches shorter and has all 3 of our names on it.
It was very special and meaningful for all of us and they are still in a curio cabinet in our living room.
A very classy gift to give ANYONE in my opinion is to go to a site on the internet called OneShare.com You can purchase a single elaborate FRAMED share of many companies from Disney to Harley Davidson! They are classy for sure! Just obtain a share from a co. that he is really into, rather it be a music co, movie co. etc. They produce a wonderful keepsake, conversation piece (for he and his friends) and a unique type of rich home decor piece. Good luck in your new life! Denise
My daughter is a counselor for grades pre-k through 12. Always in the case of step parents, she tells them to let the child come to you. Act loving and open, but let the child advance the relationship or they might feel pressured, resentful and go the other way. Good luck. Kids are great.