My spouse won't sign the divorce papers. What do I do?
By nort3k from CA
Depending on what state you live in. In Oregon the spouse doesn't have to sign papers, but it takes longer to get the decree. Call Legal Aid and they could tell you for sure. You can buy and file the papers yourself and without an attorney since there is no property and no children. Good luck.
You can still get a divorce, but if your spouse won't agree to it, the divorce will usually cost you much more because of higher lawyer fees. If your spouse is in the military & won't sign the papers then you can't divorce them, but otherwise no trouble. Each state has it's own laws, contact a divorce lawyer. If you can't afford one, go to a paralegal or legal aid. I recommend a good paralegal. A paralegal costs about a quarter (or less) of the price of a lawyer & my paralegal really knew the ins & outs of divorce paperwork & she did an AMAZING job!
If you have kids & want custody here is a hint for you: If you have Physical Custody of the kids, then you usually are granted Temporary Custody & if you have Temporary custody then the odds are higher that you will end up with permanent custody.... So if you want your kids then be sure to have physical custody of them (have them staying with you) BEFORE you file the divorce paperwork.
When I was divorced many years ago, my ex simply wouldn't sign the papers no matter what. He did this simply to "give me grief" & I suspect that this is what is happening to you... SO, if you pretend for a while that you couldn't care less about the divorce paper work, then the odds are you'll have less trouble getting the paperwork signed. It's all about control!
But until your divorce or separation paperwork goes through, don't buy anything big because if you do buy a house, car or anything like that while you are still married then you spouse owns half of it! ..
---> There is a lot of good advice at the bottom of this page. Read all the way down & you will learn alot in good info from other ThriftyFun people.
In SD, legal aid will only help in certain types of cases, and I don't think divorce is one of them. Also where I live, paralegals work for attorneys. I would assume each of you have your own attorney, they should know what to do. What is your rush, give it due time, don't act like you are in a big hurry. He'll give in eventually, and as long as you aren't living together you are actually rid of him.
I have been divorced since 1983 and my ex and I get along much better living apart than we did when we were married. We can actually have civilized conversations, but it didn't happen overnight. He filed for divorce, but I got the best settlement when it came to dividing our property and the proceeds from selling our house. When we talk now, he no longer is verbally abusive, doesn't swear at me, etc.
It took me almost 14 years to get divorced from my ex-husband. I wanted to finally get re-married. I tried and tried for years to get him to divorce but could not keep track of him. He would move from place to place would not keep a job or if he had one would quit in fear of being fond and made to pay child support for our son.
Finally I had to get a lawyer and pay more then 3000.00 and tell him once we got a P.I to find him that if he did not come here to court that a cop would pick him up bring him here and hold in jail until court and then he would lose his job cause I would keep postponing it as long as I could to keep him there, or he could just sign the papers and not worry about coming up here. That is how I got it. It did take almost 14 years though. There is not much you can do if they do not want to sign. Unless you have a lot of money to pay out to force them to.
Maybe it's a good thing he won't sign. People should think long and hard before ending a marriage. It's not a casual thing to do. It can utterly destroy children, and they must come first. They didn't ask to be born. There's too much me, me, me! going on and people like me are left to try to mend the broken hearts of little children. Children never 'get over' a divorce, and more child abuse is caused by step-parents and lovers than any other source. Talk to your priest or minister before taking this step. That advice is free!
Seeing that none of us knows your reason for wanting a divorce (and to be honest, it really is none of our business), if you don't already have a lawyer then I would suggest getting one. Some will charge their fees on a sliding scale basis, depending on your income.
I had one like that a long time ago so I waited about 6 months (I had moved away 3 states) he wouldn't give me a divorce and said he would fight it and he made good money, he just liked to beat on me, so I waited. One day I sat down and wrote the stupidest love letter and told him I was on my way home if he would just help me with the fare. Within a week the man came to my office where I worked grinned and said I have a Christmas gift for you a little early, all the paper work needed was done and in 3 weeks was final and he signed and paid.
I don't know the answer. If someone can help me; my husband is in jail getting ready to go to prison for beating me. It was bad he knocked out top teeth made few loose tooth went threw my lip this happened at a domestic shelter. I was down town walked home and forgot to lock my door. He came right on in. I told him to leave, a few words exchanged and he started punching me.
I went to the jail to see if he would sign the divorce papers. He refused. I don't know what to do now cause I don't want him anymore. If I stayed I would be dead. He would probably kill me. I have kids, family and friends to be here for. Any advice would be nice.
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