There was once a middle-aged bachelor named Bob who was in a new relationship with a special lady friend. He liked her very much, but there was one drawback; her huge, spoiled, spiteful cat. The cat seemed to always be glaring at him, as if it knew that Bob hated cats.
One weekend, Bob's lady friend was going out of town, and she needed someone to care for the cat in her absence. Bob volunteered, although he dreaded the job. After the cat was dropped off at his home and the lady had driven away, Bob tried to make the best of the situation. Perhaps he and the cat could become friends during their time together. He reached down sweetly and stroked the cat's head. The cat flew into a frenzy, biting and scratching at him, hissing and spitting!
Bob could take no more. He shoved the growling cat into its carrier. Wrapping his bleeding hand, he told his roommate Ralph that he was going to take the cat out into the country and dump it. "I'll tell her it ran away!" he said with joy, confident that the cat problem would soon be at an end. About 20 minutes later, Bob returned, relieved that the task was done. He said to Ralph, "I drove that cat way down the road. It won't be back!"
But a few minutes later there was a scratching and scrabbling at the door. Ralph opened the door and in bolted the cat, straight for Bob. It bit and clawed and scratched and hissed. Again Bob threw it into the carrier, much more roughly this time. As he dabbed at his bloodied brow he said, "I must not have taken it far enough. I'll try again." About 45 minutes later Bob returned, looking flustered but relieved. "I took it way out into the country. There is no way it can find its way back this time!"
But a few minutes later there was a scratching and scrabbling at the door. Ralph opened the door and in bolted the cat, right for Bob. It tore at his hair and growled and shredded his good work shirt into ribbons. This time Bob gave it a good shake before he crammed it into the carrier. "I can't believe it found its way back! I took it miles away! This time I will take it so far that it can never, ever, ever find its way back!"
Three hours passed. Ralph was beginning to get worried about his friend. Suddenly there was a scratching and scrabbling at the door. Ralph opened the door and in sauntered the cat. It hopped up onto the table and began grooming itself, purring all the while. For three more hours, Ralph waited anxiously for Bob to return. Suddenly the phone rang.
"Hello?" Ralph answered.
"Uh, this is Bob. Hey, did that cat come back?"
"Yeah it did! It's sitting right here, just as happy as you please!" Ralph replied.
Bob sighed before he said, "Well, put it on the phone, will ya? I need help finding my way back."
By Shawna from Paris, TN
An alley cat walks into the corner store, spots the cashier and asks: "hey, got any mice?"
The cashier answers: "no." The cat leaves.
The next day the cat returns and asks: "hey, got any mice? The cashier yells: "NO!" The cat leaves.
The next day the cat returns yet again and asks: "hey, got any mice? The cashier is getting a bit annoyed now and shouts: "NOOO!" and points to the door. The cat keeps his cool as usual, and leaves.
The next day the cat returns and asks: "hey, got any mice? The cashier is totally exasperated, and yells: "Listen to me, you flea-infested feline vermin, you come into my store one more time, ONE MORE TIME, asking me if I got mice, and I'M GOING TO NAIL YOUR TAIL TO THE FLOOR!" and points to the door. The cat leaves.
The next day the cat is back and asks: "hey, got any nails?
The cashier says: "no."
"Oh!" the cat says, "got any mice?
By helenaW from Seattle, WA