Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship?

I am 23 years old and have an 18 month old daughter. I am living with my daughter's father who is 45. I know it sounds crazy, but I loved him at some point. We have been together for almost 4 years now.

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The problem is he is an alcoholic and day by day it's getting worse. He abuses me verbally every day and sometimes he hits me. Once my family took him to the police and now he doesn't respect my family for that. I am scared every day because I think he is going to hit me again. He realised that I am scared of him and now when he is drunk he breaks glasses close to me, slams the door and says the only place I should be is where am scared.

Please help me. I am Kenyan and living in Germany, I want to go to the authorities, but I can't speak any German which makes it hard to communicate. I think he knows that too, that I can't communicate well with people. Please help me and my daughter out of this relationship.

annonymous

By A.H.S

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May 21, 20120 found this helpful

You may have options through your embassy-you can contact them online just as you have contacted this site online, simply Google "Kenya embassy Germany locations" (omit the quotation marks) to find the closest consulate to you.

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Presumably you are in German on a spouse visa, and it is possible Germany has provisions within their immigration laws to assist visa holders who are being victimised by their sponsor (husband or wife) citizen. Check the immigration website to see.

I'm in the UK, we do have a domestic violence assistance programme for visa holders. For yours and your child's sake, I hope the same is true in Germany.

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May 21, 20120 found this helpful

Go the the police, they will have interpreters!

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May 21, 20120 found this helpful

Most German Police officers speak English. Did you write this? Give it to the police officer. They can read it and get you help.

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May 21, 20120 found this helpful

Please get out of that house, stay with your family or friends. Your daughter doesn't need to see or hear this growing up. Plus NO woman deserves to be treated like this. The longer you stay in this relationship, the worst it will get.

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End it now. Go to the police, they can help, Don't give up. Are there any shelters for abuse women in your area. Seek them too. Go to your Embassy, talk to them. Remember you are not only doing this for you, you are doing this for your daughter. You might not realize it, it will make a difference. You wouldn't want your daughter to grow up thinking this is fine to live this way.

So leave before things gets worst. Take this from someone who has been there. After leaving, yes you will wonder if you did right, but give it time, and you will wonder why you put up with so much. Plus you will be glad that you left.

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May 21, 20120 found this helpful

Please note that English is the compulsory second language at schools in Germany, meaning that anybody who attended school after approx. 1950 has had several years of English at school (anywhere from 5-10 years). Virtually all people who did not have English at school in Germany are either retired or are immigrants like yourself (but from a country where they were not taught English).

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Judging by your post on this website, you seem to be fluent in English, so this should not be a problem for you. You can go to the police yourself, too, and ask for protection. Alternatively, or additionally, consider locating a "Frauenhaus" (women's shelter), a institution for abused women and children that provides shelter, help and protection.

The phone number of Germany's Central Information Office of Autonomous Women's Shelters is 0228 / 68 46 95 04 and 0228 / 68 46 95 05.

Alternatively, enter the FIRST TWO DIGITS of your postal code (Postleitzahl) next to "Suche starten" at www.frauenhauskoordinierung.de/index.php?id=14
This will provide you with a list of women's shelters in your region.

At the above website, you may also enter your language of choice instead of the postal code. Entering "englisch" (please note the German spelling with SCH) and clicking "Suche starten" elicits a list of 250 women's shelters in Germany that speak English, most likely one of them is going to be not all that far from you.

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In any case, any one of those shelter would be able to point you in the right direction how to locate the nearest shelter. Once you click on the listed shelter's name, you are presented with contact information (email address and phone number). Please note that the street addresses of the shelters are NOT published since their operators take great caution to prevent the abusers from locating the shelters where the victims of domestic violence and abuse might have sought refuge.

In my humble opinion, a women's shelter would be your safest and best bet to get out of this situation as soon as possible and thereby avoid any further physical and mental harm to both you and your daughter.

As a last resort, contact your embassy (www.embassy-of-kenya.de/) at 030 / 25 92 66 - 0 or 030 / 25 92 66 - 11. Their emergency number after office hours is 0170 / 56 53 817. Their email address is office@embassy-of-kenya.de

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I think, you would be better off (in terms of getting out of your current situation sooner rather than later) by seeking refuge at a women's shelter. Once that has been taken care of, you can then contact the embassy for further assistance.

If you have some spare funds at hand, consider picking up a pay-as-you-go mobile phone. Typically, you will get the best prices at ALDI, LIDL or PLUS discount grocery stores, but at this point virtually any cheap contract-free phone will do. Make sure your husband does not find the phone and does not become aware of the fact that you have one.

This phone can serve as your life line to the rest of the world and will allow you to communicated with a shelter or the embassy without leaving any traces on your regular phone bill which would otherwise send a big red flag to him. Obviously, you will have to remember to keep it on silent or even turned off at all times while he is around so that the ringing or buzzing won't tip him off to its existence.

Also, if you are using a computer that he also has access to, make sure you put your web browser in "private" mode so that it does not leave any traces for him, otherwise a quick search of the web history might tip him off to what you are up to.

The shelter will also be able to help you to deal with the "Ausländerbehörde" / "Ausländeramt" (foreigner's office) which handles all issues involving foreigners who (want to) reside in their area of jurisdiction. (I am working from the assumption here that you are living in Germany on a spouse's visa since the citizenship test includes a proficiency section to assure that you are reasonably fluent in German).

Wishing you and your daughter the best of luck.

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May 21, 20120 found this helpful

These are excellent answers for you. I was going to suggest that you look up English to German translation on the computer, then enter whatever you want to say in English and the German translation will be provided for you. Then you could copy it onto paper and take that in to the police.
Ich bin angst vor mein Mann und angst, dass er mir und meinem kind schaden konnte. Ich will raus aus dieser Ehe.
Good luck and God bless you and your daughter.

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