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Dealing With a Dead-Beat Dad

Category Child Support
This term is typically used to refer to fathers who shirk their financial responsibility for their children. Moms can also fall into this category, but less frequently as they typically have custody. This page contains tips for using the legal system to help collect support and some advice on talking to your children.
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August 18, 2005

My heart goes out to the innocent children who are dragged into Talk Shows with two cursing, yelling parents letting the world know they have a problem with support for their child. Children have feelings too, and the bitterness only produces frustrated adolescents. Then parents wonder why kids go off the deep end and commit crimes in an effort to get someone to listen. I don't know about other states, but where I reside there seems to be a pass-the-buck policy in many Child Support cases. For nearly sixteen years this happened with me and my Daughter until I had enough and took matters in my own hands. I'd like to offer a few suggestions to help mothers going through this situation.

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1. Most Importantly: Keep your negative comments to yourself and away from the involved child. This only builds frustration, and eventually they will know the truth, anyway.

2. Don't let fear of a court battle prevent you from doing what it right by your child. Years ago it was a tough process, but today DNA tells the story -- Case Closed!

3. Merely having the proof doesn't always get results. Lawyers don't hesitate to collect their fees from the state but that doesn't guarantee results. As a parent, stay on top of it, report again and again, that the court ordered support has not been sent. Many times officials are unaware that Dead-Beat Dads aren't paying support.

4. In my case I had a State Senator who helped by providing the name of an advocate who listened to my side of the story and went to bat to help. Income Tax money can and will be tied up until past due support is up-to-date. Trust me on this! Keep digging until you find a caring State Advocate. Believe it or not--there are some out there.

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5. For the sake of the child, be persistent. It can be discouraging but don't give up. Children have rights, too! And they must depend on us as a parent to stand up for what's right in their behalf.

By Sharon Shearer

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Comments

By guest (Guest Post)
August 19, 20050 found this helpful

Please remember there are just as many deadbeat
moms out there. I married a man with a child...
his marriage tothe mother ended when he got back
from tour of duty and she was preggers with another's child. This woman told her child they could
not afford movies, fun stuff cuz Daddy would not give them $$$. She was remarried quickly had 2 more kids with new husb. long story short..
We were given total custody of this child who loves
her dad and wanted to live with us at age 6 she kept
asking and the court agreed. MOther was not fit.
Sad but true she asked court if she would still gtet

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$$$ for child support if child lived with dad court said NO she has not wanted to see or talk to child since.
ten years later we have a healthy happpy well adjusted daughter. Meanwhile mother is now on
husb #4 with 3 kids the 2 others stayed with the dad also.

So please remeber if you have a child do not speak ill or poision child about this.The child wil grow up and has a mind and heart of her own and will see
and know the truth. Also children are innocent and
will love the parent no matter what.

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By guest (Guest Post)
August 20, 20050 found this helpful

I live in Nebraska and my ex is in California. He is $92,000 in arrears in 10 years. The state did nothing until he reached $100.000. The five children are since grown and are wonderful, my ex missed alot of great growing years! Now grandchildren are coming! The children don't want anything to do with Dad. I have tried to reinforce the idea he changed from good to bad, he could someday change back to good, never shut the door! My youngest really felt the pain of being the poor girl, now she is in college and working, too. I've tried to explain to her money isn't everything and who she is is a part of him, too.

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By guest (Guest Post)
August 21, 20050 found this helpful

My article should have been titled DEALING WITH DEADBEAT PARENTS. I realize that there are almost equally as many Moms who are irresponsible parents.But you know what?? If you're the person(and that includes Grandparents) who is RAISING the child YOU and THE CHILD have a right to expect monetary support from the absent parent.Actually,I made a lady mad one day over this issue. I had baked a birthday cake and she was picking it up. In conversation she made a remark that HER STEPSON would drive a car that his father was paying for when SHE drove a new CADILLAC!! I put her in her place by letting her know that just because a man left his children and chose to start another family DID NOT mean that the child left behind didn't have needs to be taken care of and that was a very selfish statement.She paid for her cake and LEFT!! To this day all three of her children drive cars that I feel certain DADDY paid for.Keep your words soft--sometimes you have to eat "em!!The point I am making is--as the caregiver of a child, the BALL is in YOUR COURT!If a parent isn't decent enough to raise them--be PERSISTANT and MAKE THEM PAY!Mine's Dad has served three terms in the county jail for non-support.Do I feel bad?? Certainly not. There are people who are advocates and who don't mess around with deadbeats. It's up to us to see that the child is provided with his or her fair share from their absent parent.If they're not decent enough in life to pay--DNA is all it takes to prove them beneficiary to ANYTHING that parent has when they die.Sometimes you gotta play a little HARD BALL!! If I had life to live over again,it would not have taken sixteen years of letting my Daughter do without because of my foolish pride.THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE and avoiding the issue doesn't make it go away.

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By guest (Guest Post)
August 22, 20050 found this helpful

I have an 11 year old and to date her "paternal" falther has only paid 64.00 dollars in support BUT she knows who her dad is (eventhough) he doesn't see her. I have NEVER said an ill word to her about him and have offered to take her to see him now that he is living locally again. At this point she has no desire , maybe later, maybe not BUT I still think it is good that I do not say ill things about him!!! Kids don't choose their life, we bring them into this world. It is our responsibility to look out for their best interest and teach them the best. Parent bashing in front of children is no example to set no matter what the curcuimstance.

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