Having gone through a destructive divorce 6 years ago,
I have learned to economize my life. I was left with 2 teens who needed to maintain a "normal" lifestyle, which left me to become extremely creative in our living.
I began with learning how to do all my own general home repairs and maintenance. This saved me roughly $2000 a year in general expense. I learned how to grow my own fruits and vegetables in raised beds. Saved me at least $200 monthly in my food bill. I altered our hot water heater and raised our AC unit to 75 degrees.
Divorce has its advantages. I've learned to live in awareness.
By Dawn from Brandon, FL
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Here are the questions asked by community members. Read on to see the answers provided by the ThriftyFun community.
Do I have any rights left if we are separated but not divorced? I sold stuff to get a lawyer, he did nothing for me. I'm out $35,000. He (the husband) hired a lawyer, but refuses to agree on anything. I've got no more money to fight. Do I have any rights? My husband won't divorce me.
By Christine
I don't know know that there is anything to do if he won't sign the papers. However, quit blowing money on an attorney, if it isn't do any good. When you had the divorce papers served on him, did he respond. Here in SD when a person is served with divorce papers they have 60 days to respond, otherwise the divorce is granted be default or whatever it is called.
I wish so much that I could help you in some way, but I don't know of any place that helps women. I will pray for you, and I know that many people on TF will. Maybe there will be a lawyer on TF who can at least give you some advice. Where do you live? The local ABA (American Bar Association) may be able to give you a referal. I hope so. Stay strong!
Also most states have a legal aid service, where you can get free legal aid. However, a lot of the time they only handle certain types of cases.
I don't know what state you are in, but in Iowa, if one person files for divorce, there will be a divorce. Unfortunately, if your husband hired an attorney, the attorney will probably be only too happy to drag things out as long as possible, as most earn $$$/hr past what the retainer is. In Iowa, the waiting period is 90 days, and if the Respondent doesn't file an answer to the Petition for Dissolution, then the Judge will sign the decree granting what the Petitioner has requested in the Petition. If your husband wants to be a butt about it, his attorney will probably have a ton of interrogatories, etc, to drag it out, but eventually, it will be set for trial, if a settlement can't be reached prior to trial.
I think you got a bad lawyer. You need to do something legal so that he is no longer your next of kin. You don't say what state you live in. Remember Terri Sheivo? They were separated for ten years but her husband still remained her next of kin. Make someone else your medical designated person. If you have children who are of age chose one of them. That's legal. If you have life insurance take his name off as beneficiary. Do you own a car? Is his name on it too? Trade it and get one only in your name.
Call your state office, either the governor's office or your state representative in DC or both. Get their numbers off the web. Ask if there are any programs in your area (even by phone) that offer free or reduced legal aid. It really sounds like you need the advice of professionals who aren't out to make a buck.
ps: And if you really can't get help, see if there is a program in your area for homeless or battered women. Call and see if they have any references for people who could help you out. They probably see similar situations (and worse) all the time, so they may know just who you should turn to.
I agree with the other post said that 'when he was served the divorce papers he has 60 days to contest it. Course then all states are different. So what state are you in?
Call the court house and ask them or better yet call the library as they have a department here in NC that will investigate and thoroughly look up anything that you have a question on or want information on. I have used them myself (but not for a legal question of course).
Gracious good luck honey and keep us posted on how this turns out fr you ok?
Am not familiar with legal proceedings but my son is a Solicitor and unfortunately neither of you can legally re-marry unless this situation is resolved. For what this advise is worth "do not" spend any more money with your current attorney. Take heart that you are not the first and certainly won't be the last to find them-selves in this situation. The only person "laughing all the way to the Bank" is your current legal representative. So sorry for you.
I'm still going thru that 8 years later. My email is vickiej599999@sbcglobal.net. I suggest going to a self help place. I'm in No. Ca. and a friend who worked in the system was correct- as a woman, it won't be fair anyway. The judges favor the men all he way. But, I know you can do most things on your own. A legal website to fill out the papers, copy them 3-4 times and file them your self. If you are low income, file a fee waiver, then you won't have to pay for anything. You can ask the judge to grant the divorce, but you'll have to file something, so get help. Even tho he has an attorney, you can file! You can also file and ask the judge for him to pay your attorney fees to 'level the playing field' as they call it. sick, huh!
Are you legally separated and filing for divorce at this time, or have you just moved out and are filing? If no "legal" separation has taken place, and he has not advertised a listing as "not being responsible for and debt other than his own," in the eyes of the law, you two are still husband and wife. If this is the case, I'd apply for several charge cards as Mrs. so-and-so and run up a bill (or use cards you already have that both of you are on). Being married, the debt will be his too. He'll want to cut you loose because he won't want to be responsible for the newly acquired debt load. Personally, I'd just take out cash against the cards, and I'd hide it so he couldn't try to get it during the divorce; you can use it to pay your half later, or if you choose, take that debt as your part of the settlement. Either way, you'll get out of the relationship. Make sure you list that you are not responsible for any debt other than your own, so he cannot turn the tables and leave you with huge bills. Get on the internet; in most states, you can file for your own divorce for a small amount if you just want out and are willing to leave without anything. While it's difficult to just walk away, it may be worthwhile to consider it.
Christine, what state do you live in? I'm a paralegal in NE Nevada. Maybe I can help with some suggestions. Can't give you any "legal advice" but have been doing this for over 30 years. Every situation is different and your's sounds like you got yourself in a pickle. Check with Legal Aide first though. In Nevada LA won't help if the divorce is "contested" (where you both don't agree on issues) but it may be different in your state. Maybe I can help, or not, but will definitely keep you in my prayers. Let me know and don't give up!
I recently got divorced after 40 years and I am trying to get my credit cleaned up after he made a mess of it. I was surprised to find that there was a credit card with over $50,000 on it! In the divorce settlement, he was to take over all debts for the exception of one. Now, how do I get this off my credit, obliviously it was opened in the 90's when we were still married and he put my name on it also.
Can anyone help me? I think the bank will just say too bad, your name is there. I talked with him and he said he doesn't have the money to pay it off and it will go into default or whatever it is called.When my parents divorced my dad was supposed to pay all past medical bills. He too said he didn't have the money to do so. My mom's lawyer told her she would have to pay them to keep her credit from reflecting the late payments. In order for my mom to get her money back she would have had to taken my dad to court to sue him for the money.
Unfortunately, there's no easy answer to this one. You were married when the debt was established and that makes you liable. I'd make sure that I posted a letter with all three credit reporting agencies stating that my husband made the bill without my knowledge, include a copy of the part of the divorce stating that he was responsible for the other bills. Immediately call the company, talk to a supervisor, explain the dilemma, to see if they'll write part of it off. Then make special arrangements to pay it off, and make payments monthly without fail. This will at least show that you are a responsible person to anyone who checks your credit. And the consistent monthly payments will show that you are a person of your word. Chalk it up to a life-lesson.
Call the credit card company and ask them to take your name off the card, ask what they need to do that. Quite often with the information from the divorce decree plus possibly a notorized statement from your husband asking for you to be removed and showing that you are not the one responsible for the bill, they will be able to remove your name from it. The advice about the credit agencies is a good one, too but deal with the credit card company first. Until they have proof that he is the one responsible for the bill, they will continue to come after you both.
Susan from ThriftyFun
Make sure you GET YoUR NAME OFF THE ACCOUNT! or you can still be responsible for charges made after this
Have you name removed from anything you had jointly
run your credit report Free
it is freecreditcheck.com I think
this will show you all your accounts
Also, try reading and listening t Dave Ramsey. He has some great ideas
My mother went through a divorce back in the 1950's. To get the bills paid, she cashed in some of the life insurance policies.or just used the equity in them. Check to see if you can pay some of the debts you are involved in this way, or maybe you can just get a little breathing room using these. God Bless you!! I know that what you are doing is very, very difficult.
Thank all of you for your helpful information for trying to deal with this problem..they are all good suggestions and I will try one by one. Anymore ideas would be greatly appreciated. This site is great,,someone just happened to stumble on to it and told me...Again thank you for your prompt responses......woowow
It all depends as to whether that part of the settlement was included in the Final Divorce Order. If yes, I would recommend you taking the Final Order, or certified copies thereof (if a certified copy is considered a legal document in the US), to the bank and asking them whether they could and would recover the debt from your ex-husband. The reason is that he is in contempt of a Court Order, which is a criminal offence, in SA at least. If the bank is not willing to help you, try to find a lawyer, maybe through Legal Aid, to advise you as to your rights and responsibilities. The lawyer who represented you in the divorce matter should be your first point of help, but if you cannot afford him, do try other options for free or cheaper legal advice and assistance.
You need to find out more information.
1. Is the account in your name as a joint account holder, or is your name just on the account as an authorized user? If you are just a user, you probably aren't responsible for the debt, but that doesn't mean creditors won't call you trying to find your husband. But if you are just a user, you aren't liable for the debt and you should tell the creditors to leave you alone.
2. Check your credit report and see if the debt is even on there. I think if you look up equifax, experian, or tansunion online, those sites let you get a free credit report once every 12 months or so. If the debt isn't there, then you're ok. Your spouse's debt doesn't affect your credit score unless it's a joint account.
It would also be a good idea to contact a professional about this. We on this site really want to help but we're no substitute for professional advice!
I too went thru a divorce in 1975 and was left with credit card bills my ex husband had made. I paid them off one by one by payments. Took me 5 years but cleared my credit up. Bad deal but that happens. Good luck to you
Allison's advice sounds right on the money. If you did not jointly open this account, never used it and were added only as an authorized user, they should not be able to hold you accountable for the debt. Now, the debt collectors will try to intimidate you into thinking it is your debt and laws may vary state to state. Definitely get your credit report, everyone should do this once a year, every year, especially now that they are free! http://www.annualcreditreport.com Once you check your credit, follow Susan's advice and get your name off of everything that isn't your own individual credit. And don't sweat it ... you'll get there. Best of wishes.
I went through the same situation back in the early 90's.
I ended up filing bankruptcy because of the debt which I hated to do BUT IT WAS A BLESSING IN DISGUISE REALLY. After 7 years it was taken off my credit report which is now shown as excellent as far as credit ratings go.
You must be over $20,000 or better in debt in order to file bankruptcy but check it out in your particular state.
Good Luck on your dilemma.
Please let us know what worked for you.
My partner has been divorced for 12 months. He has two children with her. She left him but he is still in the family home which is up for sale. The house will be split 60/40 to her when it is sold, but she still has a key for the house and comes and goes when she pleases. I am sure this is not right, everyone is entitled to privacy which we are not getting.
Why is HE allowing this?
Why does'nt he change the locks on the door..
I agree - he should stand up for himself and you by putting a stop to her barging in. Simplest answer - change the locks!!!
1st of all...after 12 months and he hasn't changed the locks...I would be concerned about whether he doesn't mind her coming and going as she pleases.
Hi There Kaz!
I have to go along with everyone else on this -- it's his problem. I'd go one step further though and say don't move in until he's solved it -- you'll just be making it YOUR problem.
Good Luck Hon :)
The thing to do is change all locks and then get married. She then would have no right to enter since he would be remarried
To know whether it's legal or not, you should be consulting an attorney. He most definitely be changing the locks. I'd think twice before moving in with him with a situation like that.
I was wondering if I need a signature from the other party on a divorce. We have been separated for 13 years.
By smiley
Ask a lawyer. They know the law for divorce in your state. Divorce laws vary from state to state. You may find one party can serve papers on another party without signatures but a lawyer in your state is the best answer to your question. And I am sure there will be no cost to answer one question.
No. It is 2012. Anyone can get a divorce who wants one. Remember, as long as you are legally married he is your next of kin and can make decisions about you if you are unable to do it yourself. However, he may have already divorced you. Find out and get the divorce. He can't prevent it.
Consult an attorney for the proper answer. I don't think anyone can get a divorce without an attorney representing the person. But, who knows for sure but an attorney.
My boyfriend is in prison. He has been trying to get a divorce from his wife, but she won't sign the papers. Is there any way the divorce can happen without her signature?
By Lashana T.
I'm currently in the military and my soon-to-be-ex wife left me while I was deployed. She moved back to Florida and is now engaged and pregnant. We've been "separated" for 2 years and now she doesn't want to speed up the process. We both agreed on everything and now signed it once. She ended up changing it again because I found a girlfriend and she too is now pregnant. Is there any reason why she doesn't want to sign it?
By Kyle B.
My husband sent me divorce papers, uncontested, and there was nothing for me to sign. What do I do; what does this mean?
By Lisa
I suggest you contact an attorney in your area. I suspect they can give you better advice than us. If you do a search of past discussions on divorce, I've seen recommendations for legal advice if short on funds. Best of luck!
An uncontested divorce simply means that you and he have nothing to fight over. That is your first blessing.
encrypted.google.com/
Here is the google search you can use to help. Also, books are available at the library and here on line to help you understand the process. If you don't have much money, legal aid "might" be able to help you.
You are in for a bump, but it's not a ditch. Keep your chin up and you will be fine. Hang in there.
Three years ago I went up to the courthouse and signed divorce papers right there in front of a clerk. I watched her notarize it. And there is no record of me being divorced. What do I do?
By Amber
Legal documents, such as divorce papers, should be available from the records office in your city or municipality. Try that if you never received copies from the court or have misplaced the original copies.
This is a page about spouse won't sign divorce papers. Getting a divorce is very stressful, having your spouse refuse to sign the papers only makes it worse.
One of the main components of most divorce decrees deals with child visitation. This is also one of the frequent points of contention between the divorced parents.
