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How can I minimise the effects of a loving and caring person who is making me dependent and helpless?
By retired mom from Asia
Is this person just incredibly happy to have you in their life? Or is this longer term, of many years standing.
If it's relatively new, don't worry, the new will wear off and you will wonder where it went. If it's long standing, just make sure you know how to do the basics should this person ever die and you have to function for yourself, like know how to drive, manage finances, know the status and whereabouts of major concerns of your life [how much do you owe, etc]. Keep fit, exercise is a good way to feel your own energy, have some area you become increasingly proficient at, like cooking, art, gardening, something you might make a living at, should you need to. Plan something every day, even if it's at home, and try to carry out your plans. Maybe plan something with this person that you both develop to a higher level, rather than passively waiting for them to suggest, as I suppose it's become habit. Small steps.
You'll only become dependent and helpless if you let it happen. You need to take a hard look if this is a "kill with kindness" means to becoming controlling in everything you do. Maybe not now but is it heading in that direction?
I can't imagine what's going on so this may not fit. I don't work well with hints and don't like them so I go direct. When I'm feeling "pushed out of shape" I give myself a couple of days to see if how I feel is REALLY what's happening. If I still feel the same way after 72 hours I just have an honest sit down talk with the person. I TRY not to start my sentences with, "You do so and so..." but rather, "I feel so and so...". It seems to me this makes me look a little touchy rather than making them feel bad. I truly believe in being as independent as possible but sometimes a person needs to have somebody to care for and needs to feel useful. A good talk about your feelings is how I'd handle it.
Get this book at library. I f they have it,ask them to get it if they don't have it-How Not to Lose Your Personal Identity in a Romantic Relationship. Do not become helpless! Good luck.