About two years ago my mother-in law-moved in with us. I am happy to take care of her, but now it is causing issues when my brother-in-law, who is recently divorced, moved to our town and visits us every single day.
My wife and I both work full time and when we come home, we just want to relax, have dinner, and wind down, but it is hard to do that when we have company every single day. His excuse is that he comes to visit mom. He also brings his teenage son with him and they hang around our house all the time.
He never takes his mom out or does anything for her, but comes and sits on our couch every single day. If my wife and I are out on date or shopping, he will call to find out where we are, what are we doing and what time we will be home. It is so frustrating that my wife and I have ended up in arguments because of him,
Also when he is around, my wife and I can't even have a conversation because he interrupts us and answers all the questions that I ask my wife.
He never puts anything back that he moves. I am just very frustrated with him and the situation.
Please help.
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You need to set boundaries. He cannot come unless he is invited. If he calls and asks if it is ok to come, you have the right to say no.
The divorce may be hard on him. I would be direct and honest with him and say, we need the space.
You are can come over but perhaps on the weekends, or when time permits I will call you, etc.
You both work full time and it's exhausting to have unwanted company over.
There are lots of good articles out there about setting boundaries.
This is one of them:
www.redlandsdailyfacts.com/
It is hard but being consistent is half the battle.
The whole situation sounds very stressful for everyone so it may be time to take a step back and get everyone to the table and give everyone tasks so they feel useful.
Maybe the teenage nephew can take grandma shopping or her son can take her to the beauty parlor.
If you all can have a QUIET discussion with your mother in law giving her insight if she can, it may help to clear the air.
If you are not able to have a quiet and calm discussion, do you have a trusted priest, reverend, rabbi etc. who could mediate for you? Sometimes a neutral 3rd party is all the situation needs to get it back on track.
Will send up lots of prayers for all of you!!
I have been in that situation before. We had to tell them how we felt, both of us. We actually told him on my own at first so he just sided with my ex and it did not work out. Then my ex tried and he clung to me.
For a lighter answer watch the show "Everyone Loves Raymond". Sounds like a similar situation. Good luck with it.
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