Dealing with an Intrusive Sister-in-law?

I have been with my husband for 16 years and have never been accepted by his mother or one of his sisters, who happen to live next door on the family farm. My husband severed a little piece of the property to build the house we live on. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend know absolutely no boundaries. Maybe they feel that it is just her brother's property, or that she has a right, because she grew up there. They stop by almost every day, sometimes several times a day, unannounced.

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I have expressed to my husband that we have no privacy and it's not okay they act this way. My husband called his sister to ask that she not show up unannounced and to please call first. She was very upset. Now she will text him and say things like "Is is safe to come down?" She obviously feels that it is just me that does not want this intrusion. My husband says that we can sell our house and move, but that will take time. In the meantime, how can I live next door to this? Also, I forgot to mention that she has two very loud dogs that bark constantly and come down to our property and bark at my grandchildren, scaring them. She refuses to tie them up. I am so annoyed all the time and I hate feeling this way.

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May 21, 20202 found this helpful
Best Answer

The great part is , your husband is on board to moving! Make sure that this decision stays that way. When things get tough, pick out all the positives to the family moving. Try not to focus on yourself when talking about a move. Talk about the great things that would happen for your children in a positive way.

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Also ask what you could do to help move this move in a faster direction. Maybe the family could go on a day trip to look at properties. It doesn't cost much, and it gets the kids reaction to having a better life. It's worth a shot!

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May 22, 20200 found this helpful
Best Answer

This must be difficult to live with day in day out - Never knowing when someone will walk in unannounced.
Does your husband go to work away from the property? If he does then is she making her visits while he is away or just when he is home?
What reason does she give for such frequent visits?
It is a shame that you are thinking about selling your home just because of this 'intruder' but then you may wish to move even if this was not happening?

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If you are alone during the visits then I would also say to lock the doors and just do not answer but if your husband is home then he should just step outside and say this is not a good time to visit and please call before future visits.
If he does not or cannot do this then you're probably not going to resolve this problem without moving.
This may be frustrating to you but your husband is the one that should be dealing with this as you will always be considered an 'outsider' and no one will be concerned about what bothers you (my opinion).

As to the dogs, you may have to fence in an area that is not accessible to the dogs as I feel sure this is an amusing event to the sister.
It appears that as far as this family is concerned, your husband is the only one they should have to talk to about what is happening on HIS property.

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If your piece of property is not on a paved road and has road access it may be difficult to sell and may not sell for a good price. have you checked prices of houses in neighborhoods that you might want to live?
Have you had a real estate agent look at your house and give you an estimate of what you might be able to sell it for?
This might be a good idea to do so you will know if a move is a 'realistic' plan for your future.

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May 23, 20201 found this helpful
Best Answer

I really feel for you because I do live in a simular situation where I live. We have a piece of land his mom gave us or gave to him when he was very young that we have built our home on and he has lived in this home sine he was 15 years old. I have lived there for the last 24 years. Where we live we need to go through the front of the yard to pass a bridge over the river to get to our home on the other side. When his mom died the other family members started to come back home and build their houses on the larger piece of land. Now they feel that they should tell me what to do all the time.

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What we did to stop the mess and to stop the fights was to put up a locked gate on the bridge to limit the access to our land. We also added a fence around the property we won and live on. This keeps them from coming over when they want from the river. I still need to deal with them from time to time when I go over to get my car and leave but in the long run this has cut down on a lot of problems for us here.

I personally would not sell my home and be forced to move to another place because of your husband's sister. I would just install a very large fence around your yard that has a electric gate to open and close for you to enter and leave your yard. This will stop the dogs from coming around and scaring the kids and also give you privacy and allow you to not worry about your sister in law showing up when she wants to.

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May 30, 20201 found this helpful
Best Answer

I know someone who has to deal with an intrusive brother in law and it is in fact unbearable.

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You are right about boundaries. Some people have them; others not

It is not good or bad, it's just different family cultures.

The main thing I see here is that they are not very pleasant about it. It's one thing when it's fun intrusive people, but not when it's judgmental, intruding intruders.

Aside from moving, I don't see a useful option that did not involve terminally alienating your husband from his family. If he were wiling to(which it almost sounds like he is) then that would be something. But it is also hard with families, especially when there are future issues of inheritance, etc at play.

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May 21, 20201 found this helpful

I'm glad your husband is on your side and also sees this as an issue. Selling/moving will take some time though.

She's been given a notice to not show unannounced. If she does stop by, I would not open the door.

Do you have a fence so the dogs can't let loose?

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