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Living With an Abusive Spouse?

I have been married for 13 years to my husband and he has always been controlling and used to cheat all the time. Somewhere in the middle of him going to prison for 6mos. and trying to raise our kids alone and run his small construction business I got addicted to drugs. Anyway, I am clean now and have been for some time, but he recently served me with divorce papers and keeps postponing the date.

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I have no money or vehicle unless he "lets" me use one of his or gives me money, then he wants receipts to show every little cent. He does not want a divorce he just wants total control of everything in our lives. My children have listened to this their whole life, son is 12 and daughter is 8. What should I do?

By MandMmom

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December 3, 20130 found this helpful

Find an attorney that will help you pro bono, and co-file, demand that you get a vehicle that is in decent running condition; a reasonable amount of court ordered child support that will be garnished from his wages, by the state; demand spousal support(you don't actually want it because you would have to pay income tax on that, but you don't on child support.) Demand that he keep the kids on his insurance policy; if you own your house, put it up for sale, and demand that you get 3/4 of the profit from selling.

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This is the way it went when I got divorced. My "ex" had me served with divorce papers, but continued coming home until we had our first hearing when the judge ordered him out of the house. I got court ordered child support, 3/4 of the profit from selling the house, and I got my pick of the furniture, he got the crappy stuff from the basement family room.

When it came to deciding who got what furniture that was decided at a final hearing before the final papers were filed. We sat in his attorney's office, along with my attorney, and decided all of the furniture stuff. It was my "ex's" idea that I get our car and he got the pick up. The pick up was a couple years newer, but for insurance purposes the car was considered a sport car.

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I didn't take part in the first hearing, my attorney had me sit in the law library of the court house, and told me if he needed me he would come and get me. His big concern was getting my husband out of our house because he carried a gun in the line of duty, and I told him we had enough guns to start our own army in the family room.

Also if your husband has a job where he will collect a pension when he retires, you want part of that. I wasn't smart enough to do that. Also you have been married long enough that when the time comes you can draw part of his social security income.

My attorney didn't represent me pro bono, and he did need a retaining fee, but he made it low enough that I could borrow the money from my folks and I paid the rest of the legal bill out of my share of the home sale profit. Look in the phone book under attorneys and you will see there are some that don't charge for the first consultation.

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Also be aware that every time you call your attorney you will be charged for the few minutes you talk to him. I was lucky, my attorney was a member of the church that I attended, but he still charged me for everything, but was a good fighter for me.

Oh yes, they day my husband was served with the papers that I had co-filed, he had a temper tantrum, threatened to take the car I was supposed to get and go out and have such a bad accident that he would be killed and make it obvious that it was suicide so I couldn't collect his life insurance. Although looking back I don't think that would have worked because he had the insurance policy for many years and I do know some policies don't eliminate suicide unless it is within a certain time frame. My husband was also a control freak.

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Better Living Self Help Domestic ViolenceDecember 2, 2013
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