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Sharing Expenses with a Live-in Boyfriend?

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I am 47, divorced, with two teenagers and still reside in the house that my ex and I own. We are co owners, as the judge ordered me to stay in the house. My ex pays me alimony and child support.

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I have been dating a guy for almost 6 years. He wants to get married, but I would lose alimony and my boyfriend does not make a consistent living. He owns his own home, but has rented it out to stay with me. He also has 2 younger kids who come here to stay once a month for 3 days and all holidays. He has his own tree business so his finances are up and down depending on work.

I originally did not ask him for money because he always just made enough to make ends meet. In the last few years though he has agreed to give me $500 a month for expenses. I pay out almost $3000 a month with lake dues.

I always struggle to make ends meet and I get really resentful at times when I don't think things are fair. For example, he went to the Caribbean to do a divemaster internship last year to better himself and possibly get a job in the islands; for both of our futures. I agreed. Just this past Christmas he bought himself another gun (6 now) and I don't even spend the money to get my hair colored and cut. Sometimes he threatens me to just go back and live in his own house. I don't ask him to pay half of the mortgage because he will get no benefit when it is sold.

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I am just not sure what is fair anymore and when I bring things up to discuss he just gets mad. He loves me very much and wants to get married, but financially I thought it best to wait until the kids are out of the house. Again I am 47, he is 46, and he does help with things around the house, wood for heating, fixing things, etc., but sometimes that is a chore because he doesn't want to put too much effort in for no reward. Help. Please. What is fair to expect?

By Kim

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January 14, 20140 found this helpful

I would kick him out. My opinion is, he doesn't really love you, if he did he wouldn't treat you the way he does. Women don't need a man around in order to be happy, unless they can pull their fair weight.

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January 15, 20140 found this helpful

I think you should let him go home and live. I dont know about your state but in some states if you live with someone 10 years or more they call that a common law marriage and if a couple split after that many years everything is split up.

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In other words if your state has this law, then he could get some of your house or the money from it. Sounds like between your ex and this man you could lose out on lots of things. Also it looks to me that if he really loved you he would sell his house and then help you keep up the bills you all make together.

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January 15, 20140 found this helpful

Get rid of him! No man who loves someone would threaten to move back to his own place like that. He's mooching off of you, and he needs to go.

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January 15, 20140 found this helpful

Maybe read what you wrote and take a piece of paper and pick out the good things, put those 2 items on one side, then list the remaining numerous troublesome things on the other. It may be easier to see the forest by stepping back a few steps. Is he the example you want your teens to see as relationship material?

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If not, why not? What do you really lose if he leaves? You may find you will gain emotionally, financially and better respect from your children? Good luck, I hope you make the best decision for you and yours, not his well being.

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January 15, 20140 found this helpful

Situations like this ruin relationships and you have so much to loose if you marry this man. Love does not solve all problems but problems sure can kill love. Research shows that the main reasons for divorce is money. Like someone else said what kind of message are you sending to your children. His threats to leave are only threats. If that were true he would have been out the door long before now. You are still young so get on with your life without him or find another who wants to be a willing partner and will pull his load. God bless you and good luck.

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January 16, 20140 found this helpful

You've wasted 6 years of your life on this bum! Kick him out! You may find he isn't that easy to get rid of! He is full of it. He thinks you need him far more than you actually do! You will find a way to get wood, cut back somewhere else to buy wood.

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His repairs around the house you can do with a little Youtube tutoring. I think you depend on him more than you love him. You are scared without him... be strong. Do not get yourself deeper into this situation that you need out of desperately!

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January 17, 20140 found this helpful

I agree with the other posters. This man sounds like he is mooching off of you. I would insist that he contribute at least $500 (I personally think it should be more) to the cost of running the home, groceries, etc. If he is standing in as a step -parent, than he should be contributing to the whole household.

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If he lives in your house as your partner, he should contribute to the maintenance and care of the home, chores, cleaning, yard work, etc. because he lives there -- NOT as a favor to you. I think he sounds very immature, and I think you would be better off without him.

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