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Sharing Living Expenses

My BF and I are now living together after one year. We are in our mid-to-late 40s and I have moved into his home. Right now we are splitting most of the bills/spending, but I have been covering a bit more of the bills, outings, and food as I make more. The issue is that we are splitting mortgage payments and I do not have my name on the title.


His grown daughter also lives at home (but does not contribute) and he has some personal debt wrapped up in the mortgage that I'm not comfortable paying. I'm not sure what an equitable split would look like, but I don't know that I should be paying for his daughter and his debt. He is awful with money and hates to even open his bills so I think I'm nervous that this is just the tip of the iceberg of some pretty big financial issues.

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November 30, 20160 found this helpful

From your question, it is obvious that your friend and you have not had a clear discussion and developed a future plan about money. You can approach the problem in at least two ways, depending upon how your friend may react to his financial problems and your financial concerns:


*Set a time for a discussion about your concerns. I strongly suggest that you BOTH compile a list of all income, debts, the daughter's part in the plan, etc. At your meet, discuss all concerns and develop a plan to address all issues.

*If your friend will not agree to a money meet, or will not truthfully complete a list, etc., you can meet with a financial consultant and even an attorney to address your concerns and how to move forward financially on your part.

Frankly, it appears your friend will not be "upfront" about his finances and may even demand that his daughter not share in expenses, etc. If he refuses to agree to an airing of all issues and a future financial plan, you should seriously consider moving out of his house and ahead in your life.

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November 30, 20160 found this helpful

The earlier answer is totally right. The only way I would stay there is if it is cheaper than renting an apartment of your own. The extras that I was not reimbursed for, I would divide into 2 or hopefully 3 parts and subtract any you are not paid back for from whatever you pay to stay there. It doesn't sound like a good arrangement to me. Are you doing all the cleaning and cooking too? What are you getting out of this partnership? It's obvious what your roommates are getting.

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December 5, 20160 found this helpful

Get out of his home asap and get your own place. It sounds like trouble with the arrangement you are in at present.

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November 30, 20160 found this helpful

There is a lot of territory that could be covered here. I will address only the mortgage issue. You said you are splitting the mortgage payments and your name is not on the title.

I don't know whose idea it was for you to split the mortgage payments, but this is totally wrong. You should not be contributing to mortgage payments, much less those that would also cover his personal debts associated with the mortgage.

From a different perspective, what about the equity that has accrued over time. What about all the past mortgage payments he made alone. If your name was added to the mortgage, he should be compensated for half of all past payments.

This is clearly a messy situation. My opinion is that if he wanted you to share ownership of the mortgage, he would have discussed it with you long before now.


I have no idea which path this relationship will take, but under the current set of circumstances, you should not be contributing to mortgage payments. Absolutely not. The mortgage is his personal debt and his personal responsibility. It has nothing to do with you.

You should do a bit of research to determine what would be a fair and reasonable amount of rent to pay for living in this 'shared' home. Then pay that amount and forget all about any mortgage.

You can concern yourself with the mortgage issue again, if at some time in the future he expresses an interest in the two of you being joint owners of the home. Don't hold your breath.

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December 5, 20160 found this helpful

You need out. There is no way this will ever be settled by these people. Cut your losses and go now before you are pay more for a house that you will never have a share in.


Sorry, I can't wrap it up in nice words - this is not an open honest sharing man, and not an open honest sharing relationship.

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December 9, 20160 found this helpful

You should not pay his mortgage if your name is not on the deed. He could kick you out at any time and you would have no recourse.

An equitable distribution would be a percentage of the expenses based on income. If his daughter is not contributing, he should be paying for her, since she isn't your child.

If you and he are making approximately the same, you should pay 1/3 and he should be paying 2/3 (him and his daughter).

He really should get his daughter to pay at least part of the bills. She is using the utilities and eating.

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December 30, 20160 found this helpful

This should have been discussed before you moved in. In my opinion, if you are living there, you should pay a portion. If you were not living there, you would be paying your own mortgage or rent. Think of the portion of the mortgage that you are paying as your rent.
I bought my first house while I was in college. I had 2 roommates. At that time, my mortgage was $300 per month. They each paid me $100 a month for rent, and 1/3 of the utilities. We never thought of it as being wrong because their names were not on the house or mortgage. It was their rent to me, as I was the homeowner.

However, I think the biggest issue here is that he can't handle his money. That is a red flag. The fact he has other debt would depend on several things. Is it past due old debts or is it debt he pays monthly. If he has old debts or late debts, then you don't want your name on the mortgage or title as it will end up hurting your credit as well.

How old is the daughter? Is she still in school? If she doesn't give money, does she help out at home by cooking or cleaning?

If it were me, I would be seeing about other living arrangements.

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March 9, 20170 found this helpful

if you are paying for the mortgage, you sure as hell should be on the deed to the house. Also, there is no way in hell you should get the daughters debt wrapped up in the mortgage. Honestly (no offence) get the hell out of the house and find a freaking decent guy. Holy smokes you deserve way the hell better than this. If you don't treat yourself with respect, he won't.

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