Sharing Living Expenses With Boyfriend?

Here's the thing, my BF asked me to move in last month because he couldn't move to my city. He has 4 kids. So I quit my job (looking for a new one in his city now, but he doesn't want me to work because someone needs to stay at home when kids are off) and moved to his house. Before I moved in I offered to pay he said no. But now he wants me to help with all cost. I asked him what's "the cost" he listed: water, gas, electricity, mortgage (he owns 3 places) and car.


He said, just pay what you think is fair. Before I moved in he asked me how much do I want to take care of the kids and everyday living. I said no, because I'm not a babysitter and since I'm with him, I will help him taking care of his kids for sure. BTW we are not engaged. To my opinion, it is OK to share the water bill, gas and electricity, but mortgage, it is not my house!

By Heather Sernas

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October 19, 20141 found this helpful
Best Answer

It sounds like you were taken for a sucker. He wants a built in baby sitter plus somebody to help with his living expenses. Considering he and his kids use more of all the things listed than you do. I would get the heck out of there.

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October 19, 20140 found this helpful
Best Answer

While reading your entry, it totally gave me the creeps with all the red flags. I fully agree with redhatterb, and add my own opinion.

First, he doesn't want you to work. That leaves you without "your own" money leaving you totally dependent on him. Not a good position to be in. If you ever decide to leave, lack of money can make it more difficult, and delay the decision. Don't put yourself in the position to be beholden to him.


Second, it sounds like you've already moved to his city. That's isolating you. Another tactic of abusers. (Not saying he is one, but be wary.)

He's already flip-flopped on his stance of how he wants you to contribute. It probably will likely to happen again and again. Get a formal agreement to help avoid potential problems. If he balks, see that as another "red flag."

Also, the fact that you put the question out asking for total strangers' opinions tells me that you, yourself, have doubts about this arrangement. Please be cautious. Go on the internet-- NOT at home (use the library, friend's, etc.)--and familiarize yourself with the signs of abuse: domestic and financial.

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October 19, 20140 found this helpful

He is using you. What has he offered you? Focus on finding a new job and getting out of this situation.

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October 19, 20140 found this helpful

Go back home and restart your life. You'll find another job and meet another man. The one you have now only wants a babysitter / lover.

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December 8, 20140 found this helpful

Lemme see if I get this straight. He wanted you to quit your job (source of income and independence) and move to a new city away from friends and connections (support) you have at the old place.


You do so.
Once there, he turns around 180 on the money issue. Instead of offering you a salary (which you of course politely decline) he now expects you to not only pay bills, but mortgage on at least one house that you don't own. He owes you absolutely nothing because you aren't married or even engaged. But now it's going to be hard to turn him down because:

1.You have no job anymore
2. You're in a new city and don't know anybody well enough to help you
3. You are forming an emotional attachment to children that aren't yours.

No, I don't think I'm missing anything. I think YOU are, though. Maybe that this guy is a manipulative S.O.B?

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December 9, 20140 found this helpful

Ooops! Plain forgot where I was for a minute! You got me all worked up! I meant "manipulative and not very nice person." ;)

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Silver Post Medal for All Time! 255 Posts
December 30, 20160 found this helpful

If you were to move in with a woman who owned her own home wouldn't you expect to pay her rent? Then why not him? You are living there, so yes, you should pay your share in my opinion.


But, he doesn't want you to work, so you can watch his kids, yet he expects you to pay?? So where is that money to come from??

I'd tell him you will be charging then for your babysitting services.

Actually, I would be moving out.

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