Self HelpBetter Living

Sharing Responsibilities in a Relationship

My boyfriend has own place and so do I. He works 6am to 7pm and picks me up to spend the night to wake up at 4am to serve him oatmeal, coffee, do the dishes, make him lunch for work, do laundry, and make dinner. I'm exhausted and can't do my responsibilities. What to do?

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July 3, 20180 found this helpful

Tell him "I'm exhausted and can't do my responsibilities." See him on the weekends, or whenever you actually want to see him. You and your priorities come first. Don't be afraid to just say so.

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July 4, 20180 found this helpful

He is using you. Tell him you cant do this anymore because it is affecting your sleep.

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July 4, 20180 found this helpful

Your situation sounds stressful.

I am not a professional, not a psychologist, don't play one on TV (although I wish I did) so my suggestion is just from my heart which is asking the question why don't the two of you just sit down and talk about this and work out a solution you can both live with so you can enjoy your relationship?

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There are tons of websites that talk about working out relationship issues on line if you need some starting points...like:

www.psychologytoday.com/.../the-art-solving-relationship-problems

www.realsimple.com/.../10-guilt-free-strategies-for-saying...

If you are afraid to do this, then maybe it would help to talk to a professional. There are some out there that won't cost and arm and a leg....like maybe someone from your religious institution could help for free (a priest, rabbi, etc.)

Take care of you!! You are the only YOU you have!! Will send up prayers for you that you can work this all out!

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July 5, 20180 found this helpful

Sounds like your boyfriend is getting the better part of your relationship. Talk it over with him and tell him you are exhausted and can not carry on with this routine.

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July 6, 20180 found this helpful

This sounds like a very rigorous and stressful lifestyle for both of you. Your boyfriend is working long hours (how many days a week?) so it may be difficult for him to recognize that your routine is exhaustive for you.

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  • The two of you should try to find a day that both of you are not exhausted and have a heart to heart conversation about how both of you are coping with this rigorous schedule.
  • If both of you want this to be a long term relationship, there will have to be some compromises are it will surely fail.
  • The conditions you are living under will only lead to disagreements and then to arguments and that is not a healthy environment.
  • Think about what you need to say before you have your talk/discussion so you will be sure to cover all of the problems. Try to have a plan to suggest so that you do not have to do this routine everyday.
  • Such as; how was he coping before you took over all of these "duties"? What is your routine other than taking care of him and his needs? Do you have a regular job and if so, how many days/hours do you work? Do you still have responsibilities with your own place, such as cooking/cleaning/laundry? Who does the grocery shopping? Is the financial part of your relationship equally/fairly divided?
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  • Maybe the most important question - do you both want this to be a long term relationship?
  • Do not let anyone put you down - for any reason - and that seems to be what is going on here.
  • Hopefully, after you have this discussion he will understand that he is expecting too much and both of you can work out a reasonable routine that can be satisfying for both of you.
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