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My teen thinks she is going to die if I don't let her where thongs to school. She is 13 and apparently they make fun of anyone who doesn't wear thongs in gym class. They call normal underwear "Granny's Panties"? This has caused a major problem in our relationship. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share?
Diane from Palm Beach, FL
I'm a father of a 10 year old and my daughter wears thongs. I personally don't care if she buys them because they're underwear and if she likes them, she likes them and I can't prevent her from being what she wants people to think about her. And yes, I did ask her once why she wears thongs and she said because her friends wear them and she doesn't want to be left out. So my suggestion is to buy some for her at Victoria's Secret pink or something like that (because it's what she has the most of) or just give her something like 100 bucks and let her go buy what she wants (that's what I do to my daughter).
So your saying that we should allow our children to fit in with their friends so they are not being made fun. Not trying to be rude, but I think that is absolutely ridiculous. I would rather teach my children to love themselves for who they are and not have people to turn them into something they don't want or is not who they are. Besides if they were truly her friends, they wouldn't be making fun of her in the first place.
I don't think that you should let your daughter do what ever she wants and become whatever people want her to be. However, when it comes to thongs and bras, honestly wearing lacy underwear makes me feel fancy and special and as long as she's not going around showing people her thong there is no reason to not let her.
I think you should let the girl wear what she wants, for God sakes, it's just under wear and no ones gonna see her any way but other females at most so lighten up!
So what are all the types of "underwear" that are not appropriate? REALLY??
She will find a way to wear them one way or the other and your relationship with her will be only that much further apart.
Only other girls in gym class that also wear them are going to see them.
This is the hill that you want to die on? REALLY!?
Aren't there other more important things in life going on?
Am I missing something??
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My teen thinks she is going to die if I don't let her wear thongs to school. She is 13 and apparently they make fun of anyone who doesn't wear thongs in gym class. They call normal underwear "Granny Panties"? This has caused a major problem in our relationship. Does anyone have any advice or experiences to share?
Diane from Palm Beach, FL
Kids can be cruel, we all know that from our own history. My daughter is 17 1/2 and she does not own one thong of any type. She says it's just too racy for a teenager in high school to be wearing them. Personally I think it's an adult choice of clothing. Let her pick out whatever bikini underwear she wants, maybe she will be happy with that compromise. Good luck! (02/23/2007)
There are other panties she can wear that aren't "Granny" panties. Show her what granny panties actually are and how she can wear cute bikinis with bright colors and patterns, they shouldn't be worrying about seeing each others butt cheeks anyways! :) (02/23/2007)
I gave up that battle. My 13 year old went on and on about getting a thong, to the point where we were fighting on a daily basis. I came to realize it was too little (no pun intended) a thing to be causing so much trouble between us and I let her get one (she paid for them herself). I think she's worn them a few times but the novelty soon wore off. Plus they're not comfortable. Ha-ha! At her age we're going to be fighting about a lot more-and bigger-things. We adults have got to pick which battles to fight for and which ones to let slide for the sake of sanity. (02/23/2007)
What if you explained to her how thongs are actually bad for her health and that if she insists on wearing them, you are going to have to take her to a urologist or ob/gyn? Thongs are much more likely to cause a UTI because they rub you the wrong way, literally, and transfer bacteria to the urogenital area. Maybe she should educate some of her friends.
Good luck, this is a tough one! (02/24/2007)
My personal opinion is that it matters less what kind of underwear one wears than who else sees the underwear and under what circumstances. Wearing underwear that will help her fit in is a lot different than wearing thongs and letting them hang out the back of her low-rise jeans. Myself, I am uncomfortable if I wear anything other than thongs. (02/24/2007)
I have two sons and a daughter and I will not allow my daughter to wear a thong. For decades us women wore regular undies and had no problems with how our fanny looked until thongs came about. I think the whole idea of wearing them when you're young is that you want people to see not to hide the actual line. As a grown woman it is definitely a choice, but as a teen mama makes the choice for her. Plus, my sons say that although girls who wear thongs and show them are "eye candy", they would not date them seriously. May want to mention that to your daughter. (02/26/2007)
She's only 13. You are the mother. Put your foot down and keep it down. If she really wants to wear them she can buy them behind your back and put them on at her friend's houses. That's what we did when our mom wouldn't let us wear makeup at that age. I'm 47 now. But I believe you should be the boss as long as you can. I hate seeing all the parents cowing down to the kids' demands. Seems most kids are terribly spoiled. (02/26/2007)
Not a mom, but I see girls at church and they are wearing thongs so we can see them. How gross. Their slacks hit low and the thong shows above where the slacks come. I never saw a granny wear bikini panties. I am heavy and have to wear granny panties. Bikinis are completely different. (02/26/2007)
My daughter is only 8. I hate to think about what will be "in style" when she's a bit older. I don't like the thought that we might have to fight about her attire; however I feel I am in charge of her until she moves out. Right now I still buy and pick out her outfits each day. I know the day is coming when she'll want to choose her own clothes but so far she hasn't minded that I'm doing it! (02/26/2007)
I work with our church youth group and from my experiences my advice to you would be, be very honest with her about your concerns, she is old enough to understand. Try your hardest to have open, honest and mature as possible discussions with her and you will have so many fewer troubles in the future. Try to come to a happy medium, as was said by another reader, there are lots of cute, not granny, but not raunchy panties out there. I don't think it is a big deal for them to want to wear cute underwear. Try some cute bikinis or boyshort underwear. But please, mom, do talk to her about the messages she sends with what she wears. Keep up the good work mom! (02/27/2007)
Depending on the age, I think thongs are inappropriate for any girl under the age of 18. Why would your daughter want to show off her rear end to a bunch of girls anyway? I think this should send a red flag to you. You may want to dig a little deeper, it may be more about a boy. This is a sex ridden society, and unfortunately the media likes to targets the 13-18 age group. (02/28/2007)
If you really don't want her to wear thongs, buy a pair or two for yourself and let her know that you're wearing them--she wouldn't want to wear them then since you wear them! (02/28/2007)
My daughter did not like the idea of wearing granny knickers to school, so I went to the department store and had a look at what was available. I made a list and then took her with me. We made the compromise of the boy short pants. I am finding that as my daughters get older, that more discussion is needed and that I need to find out what is available in the stores that might work as a compromise. (02/28/2007)
I thought about this long and hard. We have a 6 1/2 year old my DH swears is going to be like his aunt and become a nun (he is that freaked out!). After going to dinner at a pizza parlor and seeing a girl not much older than 9 wearing high heels (wedge sandals) I decided to put in my 2 cents (you asked).
I think that society is sexualizing our kids (especially girls) WAY too early these days! You can get low cut bikinis for little girls as small as 4! Now WHY would you need low cut bikinis for a kid that size! It's so hard to find FLAT and FUNCTIONAL sandals for my daughter without there being a big heel (some as big as 1 1/2"). These kids run and play, they don't need heels to muck that up. There are cheesy and flirty little tops for kids out there, they have no business being on little girls.
Sorry to say but there are people out there that see that sexualization as an invitation to mess with our kids, it's a proven fact that some people can't see the lines of age when kids are dressed as adults.
It's hard enough to see girls that are in 4th grade getting breasts, this is the "norm" now. When I was in 5th grade (1982) there were only 2 of us. And it was awful to be singled out, but we were just early bloomers.
I second the poster that said put your foot down! Yep, there are battles to be fought and some to be put down, but letting your daughter dress older than she is, in my opinion, is a battle to fight. We're the parents, what we say goes, kids need us to be strong and parental, not weak and friends. (03/14/2007)
My daughter wears thongs. I am not concerned about this. It's not like anyone is seeing them except possibly other girls in a locker room. She is actually very modest, not wearing midriff-baring or low cut tops. She dresses very preppy. If a teenage girl is promiscuous or sending the "wrong" message there are far better indicators than wearing thongs. What I find offensive is boys showing the seat of their underwear, walking around in pants that are falling off of them. And girls wearing tops that show cleavage to school. Yuck! (03/17/2007)
I am 13 myself. This year I wanted to wear thongs really bad. I'm not sure why, I just did. My mom made a compromise with me. She got me a whole bunch of super cute boyshort and bikini underwear from American Eagle and Victoria's secret. Then she told me if I got straight A's all year she would get me one thong. I worked so hard all year and then I finally got one. It wasn't fancy or lacy and from the front it looked like regular panties. Now that I have it, it isn't really a big deal. I'm glad my mom made that deal with me because in the end I got what I wanted but I had to work for it. And I got good grades! (07/11/2007)
By A 13 Year Old
I have two daughters. My oldest couldn't care less. My younger daughter is 14 and got a pair somewhere. I told my wife to tell her NO, but my wife thinks it's okay silly girl stuff. I am a man and don't think it's so silly. I can't imagine what happens to a 14 year old boy who sees that little strap in back. Okay, I can imagine. I don't want my daughter to be the object of that, even if she is innocent. (08/25/2007)
By Worried Dad
She is a kid. Until she has her own job and her own house, you as her mother should have the say of what she is to wear. There are full fitting underwear that you can't see lines out there. It also comes back to "if all the kids jump off a bridge would you?" From a mother to a mother, if your gut says no, stick with it! (05/10/2008)
I'm fifteen. I started wearing thongs when I was 12 and found them very comfortable. However, recently there have been medical reports stating that thongs can be health risks. From being a swimmer and forgetting underwear for after practice, I got into the swing of not wearing underwear at all. Still don't.
Letting your daughter wear a thong isn't going to influence her to change her morals or values. She's at an age where she needs to begin looking for who she is and what she stands for. She'll screw up along the way, but it won't be because she's wearing a thong. (06/21/2008)
First of all let her know, she is okay. Let her know that if anyone does not accept her for who she is, that is not a person she should have as a friend. Popularity and fame through her school years is not permanent. What is permanent and true is her feelings of who she really is. Her wearing thongs should not be a condition of whether she has self - confidence or not.
It's not up to her classmates or the school she goes to about what she wears. That needs to stay in the family and should stay to herself. I know I had to deal with bullies and liars in school. What hurts the most is finding out the people you thought were your friends are usually the ones who end up stabbing you in the back. I'm sorry people are still like that.
My sisters were hurt much the same way. I was always bullied by bullies and taped under prom posters and was stuffed in lockers for the clothes I wore. They were descent clothing, however when finally it came to graduation it was suggested that I highly leave town. I was no more welcome to Wenatchee, Washington. I was no longer accepted as an equal by my so called friends.
Kids in school don't realize when you treat someone bad. Karma life source has a way of paying people back. That I have seen in others life as well as my own. Good luck! It's not what you wear that matters. It's who she listens to. It's sounds like she has great parents. She should actually try to listen to them. (09/18/2008)
By Samuel N.
My daughter started to ask me to buy her thong panties last year, and she is 15 now. She claimed her shorts were short and so she needed to hide her panty line. I refused to buy thongs for her, but she persisted.
So finally I said, "You don't want panty lines, then don't wear panties." And I emptied her dresser of all her underwear. The next day when she was getting dressed for school and she realized all her panties were gone, she came screaming to me to give them back. But just to drive the message home, I didn't until the next day.
She felt so disgusting not having panties on all day (worrying that people would see her pee-pee dribbles) that she is only grateful now for her "granny-panties." (10/10/2008)
Let her know there are more important things to worry about. She is old enough to wear what she wants. (01/15/2009)