I have been married for 7 years. He has always been abusive. I have had 2 trips to the hospital, and 1 broken finger while he was trying to take my keys. He finally stopped the physical abuse, but started mentally abusing me.
I finally got the courage to take our 2 kids, move out and file for divorce. A month into our divorce he talked me into staying all night with him, and things where great for a couple weeks. Then he slowly started screaming at me again and calling me babes in front of our kids. So I left again. Now he's texting and calling; saying he's sorry it won't happen again. Do you think people ever really change?
By Needhelp
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Unless you are a glutton for punishment, don't go back. I don't think people ever change that much. He has been given a couple chances.
The answer to this is "almost never." Let's put it this way- you know how many kids out there playing high school basketball think they're a cinch to get picked up by a pro league when they get old enough? And they're all gonna be the star quarterback. Can that happen? Sure. WILL it happen? Not hardly. It's wishful thinking. And that's what you're doing now.
I join the others ... and add a resounding NO! Please don't go back. Remember all the cases (and I won't mention names) where abusers have actually murdered "their" women.
Note: I meant "football" of course! But it doesn't change my answer.
People don't change. He would like you to believe him because HE needs you. He's a "child" boy/man and has a need to be taken care of. Probably his own parent(s) didn't. Don't fall for his "I'm sorry and won't do it again". You did the right thing and I hope your divorce is final.
Please don't go back. It takes a lot of strength to ignore pleas of help from someone you loved. He has already begun to use the same abusive behavior to control you. There is a very definite pattern to mental abuse. The longer you live with the hope that he will change, the more normal the behavior will seem. Your children should not grow up believing that his behavior is normal or acceptable.
My answer is what prompted me to leave mine. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the length. A finger can heal. A spirit can't.
I believe you already knew the advice Thrifty readers would give you but maybe you need encouragement to do the "right" thing and go through with not only the divorce but a complete separation from this abusive person.
Be sure to get visitation rights down pat before the divorce is final or you will have a new "ordeal" at every child "pick-up" and drop-off time. Your attorney needs to know your real problems or they cannot help you with the judge.
Many of us have been through the same type of problems (or wish we had made different choices) so the advice will be genuine and sincere. You have probably already been reading the advice given when others in similar situations have ask for advice.
Sometimes it is difficult to address your own feelings of loneliness, desire, fear and financial problems and these feelings may prompt you to want to believe what he is telling you could be true. There are probably very few cases where an abusive person truly changed even if they go through counseling.
Perhaps you have a church or community center that can guide you to counseling as this is vital for you AND your children.
Do abusers change? Not likely. Leave him, and count your blessings. You have put up with enough.
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