My husband and I have been married for 11 years and together for 13. We both came from bad marriages and we have 7 children between us with the youngest being ours. My daughter who is 16 recently accused him of sexual abuse. CPS was contacted by her school counselor and she was put in foster care. She is now living with my sister. I let my husband stay in the home with me and my son while the investigation is going on?
I now realize that he has been verbally abusive throughout our marriage not only to me but my children as well. He has lost his job within the last year and has now been diagnosed with major depression and hallucinations. So now he can't work. My daughter is angry with me because she thinks I have taken sides. I am not happy anymore and haven't been for a long time. I am the major breadwinner and have a good job. Any advice for me about my situation? Do I stay or go?
By Rana D
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It will just get worse. You have already stayed to long. You need to think about your children & forget about this person that is causing trouble in the family. Don't let him have a pity party for you. You need to stand up & make the move to move out, before it is too late for you and your children.
You know what needs to be done - never put a man before your children. It is so hard to start over but you need to for you and your children. Of course your daughter is angry, you're her mother and are supposed to protect her. Find your inner lioness! Contact support groups that can help you.
You're in a unique position in that unlike most women I've known in this position, you are the breadwinner. You deserve a good life and someone wonderful - so do your children.
Work with CPS,( not easy, I know), and let your daughter see that she is important and you will do what it takes. You'll also need to give her time to deal with her anger and sense of betrayal. Good luck!
Go fast. He showed that he has no respect for you or your daughter by his actions. I would leave so fast his head would spin. He is an evil person to do that to your daughter. She needs your support and love now.
It is so hard to leave an abuser, but you already have some things going for you. You have a good job! Like the earlier poster said - never put a man before your children. Leaving my 1st husband was the best thing I ever did but it was very hard.
Looking back I wish I had left sooner. I did not have a car, a job or an education. Somehow I made it through school etc. and am now married to a gentle, kind man. Only your husband can deal with his problems: depression, pedophile behavior, lack of a job. How he affects you and your children you can control. I fear your other children could face being taken from you (or worse). I wish you good luck. P.S. Why can't he leave instead of you?
It would be safer if you were away from him. Please call the women's shelter in your area and get some advice. Maybe there's a way you and the children can stay in the home and have him move out?
You're the breadwinner? What are you waiting for? Go, go and don't look back or go back. Don't hold on to any guilt in doing this - men sure don't.
Your daughter thinks you've taken sides; she's right. Your daughter has had to leave her home and you're still with her abuser. I feel sorry for the young girl. Get your priorities in order before it's too late.
Do you really need somebody to tell you whether you should stay or go? Honestly? your daughter has been abused by this man! From the minute they are born, your child's welfare and safety always come first.
Like someone else said "you have to ask?" If you're still there, you're no better than the abuser. How could you possibly even begin to think "what should I do" You have a daughter that's been harmed... what part of that don't you understand!
We have a situation in Ohio right now where the boyfriend abused the baby and the mother refused to get her help to protect the boyfriend. Are you that desperate for a man that you have to "choose". Your child should come first or be taken away from you for good and I pray you don't have any more children!
Go, Go, Go. How can you even question it. You owe it to yourself and your children. Get out now.
Oh my - I can't believe I am responding to this post. I joined this site to look for support as I thought I was going through the same thing as you guys but verbal abuse and being told by my daughter she is being abused by this man should be a no brainer. Sweetie you have to report or at the very least leave this man, if not to protect yourself, to protect your daughter. I would die for my kids and although I can tolerate it (just) if my kids were being hurt I would move to the other side of the world to save them. x
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