My boyfriend's 4 year old daughter keeps wetting her pants while watching TV. Her mother, grandmother, and father (my bf) have decided to spank her on the butt after she wets her pants, and I do not agree with this at all. I think they should ground her from TV and maybe timeout as well. So what do you think should be done? There's got to be something better than what we are all doing. Should we get her professional help?
My son used to pee and/or poop while playing the computer (not long after potty training) or outside playing. He just got busy and forgot about going. It could be that the child is so engrossed in the television that she ignores the urge to go. Just make her go before the tv is on and then remind her regularly. I really don't think it's a 'control' issue or that medication is needed. Try the simple, obvious things first.
How many times have you sneezed or coughed till you 'had an accident." Remind the child every hour if necessary to get to the BR. If this were an issue other times, chiropractic care is fantastic. There are little areas in the back that press on the bladder, etc (lots of medical terms) BUT an adjust is fantastic for the pants wetter. My 2 yr old granddaughter and her sister when 2 went through this as well. They were done with diapers EXCEPT when accidents began, we got them in, adjusted and wetting was over. Kids run and play and jump and don't tell us if they hurt themselves. Only wetting can do it. I am 54 and my mom took my bed wetting siblings in for the same thing- chiropractic care - without medical treatments and medication are the best way to start, totall non-invasive. Why medicate and still pee the pants? Take care of the problem.
This is giving up their complete control. This is the only thing they thenselves have control over and NO ONE can stop it except them. Think about why she may be wanting to KEEP ths control.
Children need reminders and will until they move out of the house and still they will need reminders. It is your job as a parent to stay in control and instill good values and morals in your child. Accidents will happen. I think if you make sure she potties before she sits to watch TV and then maybe at 30 minute intervals, have her go during commercials, this will eliminate the problem. Lots of praise for staying dry and little reaction to the accidents will keep her self esteem in tact.
I had an aquaintence that was a pediatrician. She had an uncanny way of working with preschoolers with these types of behavioral problems. The solutions were usually quite simple or straight forward. This is all part of their training & worth a visit to a pediatrician to get to the bottom of it. I'm not against corporal punishment for kids but, only as a last resort. It does not look like it is appropriate in this situation.
I am strongly against the idea of corporal punishment or humiliation (e.g. treating the child like a baby) for dealing with this wetting issue, because in the event that it's unintentional and difficult to control, using the first two options as discipline could really shatter the child's self esteem and lead to further emotional or behavioral problems. Please remember that this is a little girl who needs to be treated with love, not taught that her body or its processes are shameful.
I'd seek a second doctor's opinion or request a referral to a urologist to rule out a medical problem, and use other posters' suggestions of consistent reminders to take a bathroom break (a kitchen timer would help!), limiting fluids in excess, and handling accidents with encouragement and kindness. She might also need to have her TV time shortened somewhat so that she's able to listen to her body's cues without being mesmerized by whatever's on the screen.
I don't believe punishing her will help at all. Our little girl used to wet herself regularly while playing with her toys. She just didn't think to go to the loo. Her mind was too preoccupied. We just had to keep reminding her, every ten to fifteen minutes with "Do you need the toilet?" She stopped constantly wetting herself by about the age of five, with a few accidents every so often. She was pretty much dry by the age of six. She never had the problem once she started school.
Our little boy is now the same. He is three, and he just doesn't think to go to the toilet or potty. He doesn't need a diaper, but we need to keep reminding him.
Children are not being naughty when they wet themselves, and punishing them for it, especially spanking, should have been left behind with the Victorians!
Try rewarding the child for a whole day dry, with a small treat (doesn't have to be candy), or keeping a chart, where they get smileys and frowns for dry and wet days, and a little prize for so many dry days. Also, when they have a whole dry day, tell the, how good they were. If they have wet day, you can say it's not good., but don't be cross or angry. Yes, it wears the patience thin, when your running out of dry pants and your hands smell of wee, but they are just children, still learning to live.
A child this age knows what she's doing. One thing she's doing is getting attention. She probably should see a doctor to rule out physical problems but I suspect it's being done on purpose. I'd not let her sit on furniture but on an old shower curtain or plastic table cloth on the floor. She would have to wear large diapers. She can also miss out on "big girl" stuff (think of some!) until she proves she's big enough to do them. If everybody gets all lathered up over this she's getting what (I suspect) she wants. It's just a simple matter to go back to babyland with no fuss from adults.
If she is only doing this when watching TV, I would say she is so engrossed in what she is watching she "forgets" she has to go. Have her go sit on the toilet during each commercial break whether she has to go or not, I'll bet most likely she will go. Heck, run the water in the sink if you must, she'll go, and praise her when she does. Spanking is not going to help her and will probably only make matters worse.
In response to the other post regarding the 5 year old, if there is no medical problem then please seek help elsewhere. It may be emotional, especially if her parents are not together. In both cases are these kids wetting more when they are with one parent or home more so than with the other? At this age, they are more likely to act out in some way as they can't articulate what is bothering them.
This pages has been archived 1 time. You can view older posts and feedback below.
Request: Problem With Child Wetting Herself (04/07/2009)
My daughter's boyfriend has a 5 year old daughter and she's constantly wetting herself for no apparent reason, that we know of anyway.
Post Feedback:
Login using the form on the top of the page to post feedback (if you are a registered user). If you have not yet registered, click here to do so. It's FREE!.
Archives:
Request: Problem With Child Wetting Herself
Archived on 04/07/2009
My daughter's boyfriend has a 5 year old daughter and she's constantly wetting herself for no apparent reason, that we know of anyway. She has been to the doctor and they said she has no problem, and I was wondering if you all knew what she could do to help her learn that she needs to go to the bathroom. Their patience are wearing thin with this.
She will be starting school this fall and I don't know what they will do with her then. Thanks for any help you may give me.
Teresa
Answers:
RE: Problem With Child Wetting Herself
It sounds like more of an emotional problem than physical. Perhaps the child is feeling stress over a new relationship her dad has? Perhaps she doesn't spend enough time with just her and dad and feels that any attention, even negative, is something she wants? Maybe there is a new situation in the household (new school, new daycare, new sibling, new... ?) that is causing unrealized stress.
As to how to deal with it, just remind, remind, remind her to listen to her body and how important it is. Stress that since she's a big girl, she needs to listen very hard to her body. But don't berate her when she does have accidents, just help her to quietly get cleaned up, changed, and back to normal. Making too much out of the accident will probably have the opposite of the desired effect.
When this happens to my daughters, I talk with her as I help her change into clean, dry clothes, about listening to her body and being a big girl and all the big girl things she can do. I try to reinforce that it's no big deal (even if I feel like it is a big deal), that she has mastered LOTS of big girl things, and that I know she will try to not have an accident next time. Believe it or not, this method DOES work.
I'm just a mom, not a Dr, and every child is different. But I have used this method on 3 different girls now and it's worked well. Good luck! (06/26/2005)
You said she's been checked by a doctor, has a urologist checked her? If not, there could be a problem the regular doctor doesn't see. My daughter wet the bed every night until she was 5 years old. I finally took her to a urologist and he found stenosis of the uretherer and that her bladder is smaller than average. He dilated it (in the operating room) and it gave instant relief from the problem. Best of luck. (06/27/2005)
By Beverly
RE: Problem With Child Wetting Herself
Don't make a big deal out of it. Try and find special underwear (like Pampers pull up training pants), just tell her that they will help her know when she has to go potty. (06/27/2005)
By bam328
RE: Problem With Child Wetting Herself
My stepdaughter had this problem when she was your daughters age, her mother finally took her to the doctor and found that she had a very small bladder, the mother was told to make sure the little girl goes to the bathroom within an hour of drinking something, and also nothing to drink or eat 3 hours before bedtime. Hope this helps. (06/27/2005)
By RoseMary B
RE: Problem With Child Wetting Herself
Hi,
I am a teacher and sometimes this type of problem is due to stress. 5 year olds do experience stress! Depending on how long she has been doing this and any big changes in her life recently. Sometimes children do this subconsciously to get attention if they are feeling left out or out of control. Facing school for the first time could be upsetting her. These things could be adding up.
I suggest talking to her in a simple way about what may be upsetting her. Don't mention the wetting herself problem, I'm sure it upsets her too and will make her shut down and not talk to you. Maybe just spending some extra time with her might help. These are just thoughts and certainly may not pertain to your situation. It is just an idea.
Good luck! (06/28/2005)
RE: Problem With Child Wetting Herself
See another doctor. I have a friend whose daughter has issues with wetting and soiling herself. They are physical problems. I would see doctors until one could offer help. Even if it is a behavior issue, a good pediatrician will be able to offer suggestions and support to help. (06/28/2005)
RE: Problem With Child Wetting Herself
Years of working in childcare field and babysitting, I have seen wetting problems. Some are behavioral, others are from having too small of a bladder and this is more common than you think. The kids outgrow this and the parents are going to need patience. It is very wonderful of you to care so much for your boyfriend's child. Good luck.
(06/30/2005)
My child wet the bed on and off until about age 6. I thought she would never outgrow it and/or was just too plain lazy to get up in the middle of her sleep, but luckily she outgrew her "Nocturnal Enuresis", thank God! Try taking away water privileges just before going to bed. If child has small bladder they may not hold much.
If you have checked the child and there is no physical and/or behavioral problem that may need other treatments:
http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/yourchild/enuresis.htm
How about trying those new GoodNites Underpants, to fit bigger kids from 38 to 125+ lbs.
http://www.goodnites.com/na/productinfo/productinfo_aboutgn.asp
Thanks guys. My 5 year old girl has the same problem now, your comments really helped me. I know now not to get angry when my child wets herself. (12/15/2007)
