Acting as Grandfather's POA

I was appointed my grandparents' POA 10 years ago. My grandmother passed on 7 years ago. They have no living children. My sister and I are the only grandchildren from their only son who passed on 10 years ago. Granddad has been falling and has broken ribs. Doctors are evaluating him in a rehab facility. He is 89 years old with no terminal illness at this time, but continues to get weaker and not able to live alone. We are hoping the therapy will help so he can go home with home care help.

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My grandmother always handled all the finances and my grandfather has never dealt with it. I picked up my grandmother's responsibility of the finances to help granddad when she past on. I have a 23 year old nephew that lives with granddad, but is no help for the care he needs. My nephew guilts granddad into paying his bills and constantly giving him money. I can't balance the accounts because of the extra money my granddad hands over to the nephew all the time.

We know home care is going to be expensive and need all the funds so granddad gets what he needs. I have talked to him about this so many times and he said my grandmother's dying wish was for him to take of and not let anyone run over the nephew. I am mentally exhausted and don't know what else to do. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

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October 8, 20150 found this helpful

Unfortunately, TGF, there IS such a thing as being too nice. You and your grandfather have that bug, from the sound of things, while your nephew seems like a (currently) useless person. That's not to say the kid can't change, but he'll need help from both you and most especially from his great-grandfather. The (23-year-old) boy will never learn to pay his own way until and unless you and your grandfather make it clear: no more hand-outs. I'd go so far as to (seriously) kick him out, tell him to get a place of his own. When he's ready and prepared to work for his room and board by helping to take care of the old man, maybe then allow him to live there (presuming the older fellow will be well enough to come home).

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I don't want to say "put your grandfather on a strict allowance," but you may have to end up doing that, not giving him any cash until he commits to helping you help the child grow up. And of course hide the chequebook.

Please be firm and let them both know you mean business. The only result I see, if you waffle on this, is an unhappy grandfather who means well but who's drained the bank trying to take care of the boy by throwing money at the problem and yet another useless youngster who feels the world owes him.

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October 8, 20150 found this helpful

Unfortunately, TGF, there IS such a thing as being too nice. You and your grandfather have that bug, from the sound of things, while your nephew seems like a (currently) useless person. That's not to say the kid can't change, but he'll need help from both you and most especially from his great-grandfather. The (23-year-old) boy will never learn to pay his own way until and unless you and your grandfather make it clear: no more hand-outs. I'd go so far as to (seriously) kick him out, tell him to get a place of his own. When he's ready and prepared to work for his room and board by helping to take care of the old man, maybe then allow him to live there (presuming the older fellow will be well enough to come home).

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I don't want to say "put your grandfather on a strict allowance," but you may have to end up doing that, not giving him any cash until he commits to helping you help the child grow up. And of course hide the chequebook.

Please be firm and let them both know you mean business. The only result I see, if you waffle on this, is an unhappy grandfather who means well but who's drained the bank trying to take care of the boy by throwing money at the problem and yet another useless youngster who feels the world owes him.

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October 9, 20150 found this helpful

Rose Anne-Excellent and exactly to the point answer! Some "tough love" here will either make or break the kid and only he can make that choice!!!

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October 12, 20150 found this helpful

Dying wishes are terrible things to extract. I am sure your grandmother didn't Intend your grandfather to risk his own life and security to care for this nephew. Where is your sister in all of this? But, what you need to do, is put your grandfather on an allowance. This is tough to do, and might help if you enlist the help of someone from the bank your grandfather deals with.

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I had to do this for my mom, who had a gambling issue and owed thousands of dollars of income taxes. Your grandfather needs to realize that a 23 year old is an adult who should be looking after himself. And you may have to risk alienating this young fellow by kicking him out if that is necessary for your grandfather's health and security.

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