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My granddaughter is 2 1/2 years old. She has lived with me since she was born. Her mom worked and was not willing or able to care for her. I was there when she had colic, for her doctor's appointments, and visitations with her dad.
Now when my daughter and granddaughter come to visit, my granddaughter does not want to leave. She clings to me when it is time to go home. She will ask her aunt to take her to grammy's. As a result, my daughter is keeping her away.
I have been there for my daughter and her daughter. I have tried to show my daughter that her daughter needs to see us together and make this change a healthy transfer for her daughter. My granddaughter doesn't understand. It's been six months since she has moved away.
My daughter seems not to care about her daughter's emotional state and says my relationship with her daughter is sick. This makes me sad. What did I do wrong, but love my daughter by helping and love my granddaughter by keeping her safe and making sure she felt loved?
By cathy from Waldport, OR
Many states have changed their laws regarding the rights of grandparents to have visitation with their grandchildren. Check the laws in your state. You may be able to petition for legal visitation.
Just pray, ask the Lord to help your family with this problem. You will be very surprised at the answers you get, try it. I know our prayers are answered in some way, the best way for us! Good luck.
The way I see it is: you need to develop a relationship with your daughter. I know it will be harder than court and such, but if that bridge were explored first then you might take your rightful place as grandma and not mom.
Cathy: First off, you did nothing wrong and everything right. However, as the last poster said, you have rights and I am pretty sure Oregon is as liberal as they come.
I have a dear and old friend in WA who's daughters have both pawned their kids off on her, and she has raised them from scratch and is now trying to get her oldest to take some responsibility for her son. It is a shame that these girls do not know how to be women or moms.
I am not saying your daughter is the same, but there must have been a reason that you had her in the first place. Without knowing why they are back together and she is only 'visiting' you, I cannot help but wonder why your daughter isn't grateful.
It might be time to have a long talk with her. If your granddaughter doesn't want to stay with her mom, there is a reason for that, too.
It is sad to say, but like my friend, she had to do what was best for her grandchildren, and if that meant not having a good relationship with the daughter, then most of the time it is not your fault.
Babies are wonderful in theory, but when the poop and puke and screaming and teething hit...some just don't want to deal with it.
Stand up for yourself and your granddaughter, and stand up to your daughter. I wish you all the luck you can handle. PBP
Here is a link to dozens of sites regarding "grandparents rights oregon"
I had raised my granddaughters for years. Mom would visit. She worked in the mornings and to keep the girls from going out into the weather at 5am they stayed here. Came over after school. I paid for everything. Year have gone by now, one 16 the other 11. The 16 year old had a huge blow out with her mother and told her that she would not go home with her, not stay with her. She would run away or call the police.
She stays with me 24/7, and visits her dad three hours away EO Weekend. She is high honor and has two scholarships for college. She is a sophomore now. Next year she takes AP classes that are classes that count at HS and college courses. Guess I did something right. She is a wonderful, young woman and I am so blessed to have her live with me. I agree with prayer. God can work miracles. May not be now but He knows all you did and are doing.
Check the laws in the state. Also if she lives close volunteer to watch her so the mother does not have to take her out in the mornings. THe daughter needs to stop being selfish and if you are there to make that child's life better then she should do it. I will pray for you. I do not understand what is wrong with young people. I did not raise my daughter to break the law and do bad things but after she was 17 she made mad choices. I blamed myself but we can not. They make their choices. Just be there for the grandchild. Keep telling her you love her and give the hugs and kisses. God Bless
I was in a similar situation many years ago. It sounds like your daughter is jealous, and immature & she may never grow up & do what's best for her daughter.
I was in a similar position years ago. My grandson defied his mother at one point and came to live with me. He was 11 at the time. The relationship I had with my daughter was strained and she did what she could to keep the boy from any contact with me. She no longer has anything to do with me and accuses me of stealing her son. He is now 23 and has nothing to do with her as, he says, those memories of being with her are too painful. Hang in there and do what you can to keep a relationship with both of them. If not, the child will remember what you did for her. I am a retired psychologist and felt like I was walking on egg shells most of the time.
Your daughter is not helping the child to make the transition. She is jealous of her child's feeling for you which are not sick. She is naturally more attached to you since you raised her from birth as a favor to her mother. You should speak to someone confidentially (child welfare, etc) about this child's situation. You need professional advice regarding this problem. Your daughter is being cruel to both you and your granddaughter. She is causing you both pain. She is a self-serving person who doesn't care for anyone else's feelings.
I have been doing this alone for close to 7 years. I have had this little guy since he was a day old. He is an only kid and spoiled rotten! Since he has started school, he has gotten mouthy with me. I will send him to time out the and words are screamed out the door. How do I deal with this?
Does anyone out there know of any groups that deal with grandparents raising grandchildren?
By Mick from Springfield, MO
I honestly don't know, but please try contacting your local churches and also your local State/County Human Resources Department. Both will definitely be able to guide you to the right places for help. I pray that all will be well for you and your grandchildren and bless you, for whatever the circumstances of why you happen to be raising your grandchildren, that all will fair well.
AARP has information on grandparents raising grandchildren. I have raised a grandchild and as a retired child psychologist also spoke to groups on this issue. You also might try a YWCA if there is one near you or a mental health agency. When I was involved in this, there were a lot of organizations supporting us.
We lived in Springfield about a year ago and we had trouble finding anyone to help us. We are raising three of our grandkids. We now live in Arkansas. We have found a wonderful group called Arkansas Voices, don't know if they have one there. You might look up Missouri Voices.
Here in Ohio we have kinship groups in every county. They were started by the state welfare office. Contact them in your area. Your state should have them also as it was a federal program that started them. They are a great group who has a lot of information that may help you. They also support you through the steps you take. Just having someone to talk to helps a lot. We love our kinship group.