I have been with my husband for 10 years and married for 8 years. After the kids I got really depressed, but my husband didn't help either. He would always point out how hot these other girls were and how he would have sex with them. Then it got to the point he started to ask me, for years, to add people to our marriage. Not one day went by where I didn't felt helpess and worthless with him. I don't feel like his wife, just a maid or slave to him. I have told him this, at first he didn't understand, but now he is saying he is going to do better, but I don't believe him. It happens so often, over and over again, he wants to work it out, but I'm afraid it's too late. I dont want to do anymore, I'm so confused, any advice?
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He doesn't want to work it out. He will say that in order not to lose his slave.
This isn't a matter where you two disagree on housework or finances. He disagrees with you on wanting to remain monogamous in your marriage. That's major. And it won't get better. You'll simply get older and less attractive to him. He will keep looking at younger women as a way to keep himself from feeling old.
If he really wants to sleep around, he needs to be set free to pursue that. Especially since you don't want to contract an STD or suddenly become stepmom to a new baby he has with another person. Think how much more this would complicate your life. You have to assume he's already cheated on you.
It seems your marriage has run its course. You've taken care of him and raised the children. It's a shame he doesn't want to grow old with you now.
Get out while you can. You deserve better. Why are men like this???? I'll never know. Take your children and go to a shelter or relatives. You will thank God you did it, believe me!!!!!!
Dear Ragonza, please know you are not alone. But many women who have endured what you're presently tolerating have moved on, moved upward and have taken their lives back. You are most certainly not alone. Please look for help in your community. Find a counsellor (ask about sliding scale fees so if you can't afford a lot you won't pay a lot). The first steps require courage and belief in yourself; things you have allowed your husband to take from you. If you cannot do it for your own sake, consider that your children will see this current home life as "normal" and will emulate your behaviour and their father's as they grow older.
Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, "No one can make you feel inferiour without your consent." YOU have allowed this to happen, but you can stop it. And you're the only one who can stop it. If you'll look for it and ask, you will find many helping hands.
I believe you can do it ....
Rose Anne
Try to communicate your feelings with him. If you have tried, then one or both persons may have outgrown each other; or one has fallen out of love with the other, or maybe both of. Respect is needed in a marriage as well as trust. Sometimes one has to realize it's time to move on. Both of you should softly agree to: separate and AGREE to the separation to NOT have fighting, or have the situation turn ughly.
Start with counseling for yourself, as this will help immensely. You can find help from a local women's shelter, or perhaps your church, if you have one. I think you should leave this man immediately, but I know it is not an easy thing to do.
I've read the responding posts and agree with all that has been stated. A marriage is between one man and one woman; not a third party or more. That should tell you the state of his mind and what he's dwelling on. He's mentally left and secondly, he's ready to step out on it. You can't change his mind, but you can yours. Get ready to do the stepping out and make a new life for yourself and any children still at home. You'll be doing yourself a big favor.
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