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Leaving a Verbally Abusive Spouse?

I am a mother of 4 children. I am married to a verbally and sometimes physically abusive man. He is not the kids biological father. I know if I leave it will be with only my children, very little money I can stash away without him knowing, and maybe a couple of suitcases of clothes. I do not have friends because I'm not allowed to. And the only family I have are 1400 miles away and on meth.

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I have not worked, but a couple of months between this and my last marriage to the kids' dad (which ended after he hospitalized me after coming home under the influence of drugs and whiskey). I don't have a high school diploma or really anything to give me hope that I can do what I know I need to do, not just for me, but mainly my children. Is there any hope at all that I can make a life for myself and the kids. I have lost my license, Social Security card, and have only a copy of my birth certificate. I did find a photo copy of my ID, but it doesn't ever help me when I need to prove my identity. I do know I cannot keep putting the kids and myself through this just because he provides food, clothing, and a roof over us. I think all of us feel we would be in a better place hungry, naked, and on the street! Does anyone know where I could start getting away from what feels like Hell?

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By scaredmom from WV

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September 3, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

Take your kids and go to a shelter for battered women. From what I have heard they have all kinds of information that can help you, with the things that you need help with. they will also provide rooms for you and the kids. They usually have donated clothing, some used and some new that they will help you out with to a certain extent.

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September 4, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

The other ladies have given you good advice. Find out about your nearest women's shelter, pack what clothes you can carry, and leave as soon as you can, keeping everything a secret. Do not worry about property or finances at this stage. When you get to the shelter and safety, there will be people who can help you progress to the next step - divorce (with the help of legal aid), social assistance, education and training for you, housing, and so on.

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These social safety nets and organizations are intended to help people such as yourself. Make the decision to leave NOW, and make a plan to carry it out ASAP.

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September 4, 20130 found this helpful
Best Answer

Good advice from these ladies. There are a lot of people that care about you and want to help you. Give yourself and children a chance to be happy and free of the evil that is a part of your life now. You will find caring people at the Battered Women's Shelter and if you don't have any way to get there call the police and ask them about how to get transportation to it. Or you can call the Salvation Army and they will help you with the information you need. Praying for you and the children.

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September 4, 20130 found this helpful

Redhatterb is spot-on! Next time you can get a hold of the Internet do a search using the term domestic abuse shelter or battered womens shelter. This information will also be in the front pages of the local telephone directory. If you are using a computer your abusive partner has access to, be really careful to delete your history and cookies after you finish using it.

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Do not be afraid! Be extremely careful, but do not be afraid. You are light-years ahead of a lot of abused women - you are computer literate! You know enough about computers to use one to find help and that says you are smart enough to get you and your children to safety, and then build new, safe, sane lives for all of you. Being able to use a computer means you are smart enough to learn all kinds of new skills that will help you in that new life.

Most shelters have programmes to help you and the children rebuild your lives. The programmes include schooling to bring you up to date on high school diplomas, job training, and getting your identification (driving license, Social Security, taxes) sorted so that everything is current and usable. Also, a lot of the shelters have counseling for you and the children - this is very helpful so don't turn it down when it's offered.

Getting free of this abusive situation IS something you can do so do not let fear, lack of money or current identification paperwork, or lack of supportive family hold you back!

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Be very, very careful about planning your escape - sometimes it's better to leave with nothing more than the children and a few clothes than to stay longer in a dangerous place. The greatest physical danger when leaving an abusive situation is the week before, during, and for a few months after, so BE CAREFUL but do rescue yourself and your little ones just as soon as you can.

We're praying for you - please update us on how you are getting on.

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September 4, 20130 found this helpful

You are very wise and brave to be preparing yourself to move on. The shelters will have the answers to the questions you are worrying about. When I couldnt get a job, I started cleaning houses. I was very careful in my work and built a good reputation. After about a year I raised my rates to $30 an hour.

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I worked a 5 hour day (the work is very physically demanding) And I made enough money to pay off my house and live frugally. The Goodwill became my best friend. Do your best to find work in high income areas. These families expect to pay well for someone who does a good job. You can do it too. Good luck to you.

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September 6, 20130 found this helpful

Hi - you have received a lot of good advice and concern from responders.

If you do not have a clue as to how to do this then maybe you can just call your local police department as they will have all the information you need and will assist you in your move if you are afraid of what your husband will do.

You CAN call 911 if you do not have a local number but be sure to tell them right away what you are trying to do - and why. They should transfer you to the right department.

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