I've been living with my bf for 4yrs. I am a single mother with 2 kids. I bought a house before we met on my own and have a good stable job. He has struggled keeping a job, various trade jobs, but nothing steady with lots of space in between with no employment.
He drinks every day that I've known him and smokes cigarettes. He used his inheritance to buy a Ford Escape. I asked him to pay 1200.00 and I would cover taxes, insurance, internet, and repairs and basically anything we need for house as well as food. It is 1200-1800 month to rent where I reside. Plus I take him out for dinners and pay for trips, etc.
The problem is even when he's working he is unreliable. He forgets to go to the bank, gets annoyed when I ask and gives me whatever amount he feels like. He doesn't actively look for work instead he sits around drinking and watching TV. It's annoying. He will cut the grass, take out garbage, and help clean the house, but on his time only. I pay for toiletries, laundry soap, etc. and we have two pets.
All the expenses for kids/pets are on me. Since November he has given me less than 1000.00. He had a common surgery and was off 4 weeks. His mom wires him money when he needs it. His excuse is he doesn't eat much. Or there's no jobs. But I budget for his portion of food. He eats out every day!
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I think you know that he is using you. You are becoming a cash cow for him. Give him 30 days to get a job or move out, and stick to your guns.
Oh my. You have a lot on your plate. Your anger and frustration are coming through very strongly.
Do you have a counselor or therapist or priest or rabbi or someone who you can talk to about all of this? I hope so!
When you love someone it is very hard (sometimes paralyzing) to do what needs to be done to make things better.
A neutral 3rd party can often help you see what you want, help you set your priorities, develop and carry out a plan, and move forward with whatever needs to be done in your situation. The WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE is totally up to you.
You have to look into your heart and decide what is best for you and your kids and your pets. No one can tell you what to do as no one lives in your shoes and what would be right for me, may not be right for you. The key is to look into your own heart and decide.
It is very hard to do that kind of inward looking alone which is why I suggest finding a neutral third party to help you. You need a SAFE SPACE where you can think clearly and then make plans.
Whatever you do, you will be a rockstar for taking action and moving forward. Don't let anyone tell you you are not worthy or not deserving of having what your heart wants...that just isn't true!!! You are deserving and strong and you can make your world what you want it--one step at a time.
I hope you can find someone who you can talk to and set up plans for figuring out YOUR needs and YOUR next steps.
The options are endless....but it needs to be the ones that work best for you.
Prayers for you to find your YOU!! Post back with an update.
Please do not allow this pig to walk all over you anymore. You are a woman. Get rid of the losers.
I wholeheartedly with Judy. Give him 30 days to straighten up (and mowing the lawn is NOT straightening up), or else out the door. I am being kind; I would have had his butt gone a lot sooner. You are being used as a door mat, and after all the time being together, he knows he can do whatever he damn well pleases. Stick up for yourself, and stick to your guns!
I agree with the person that said you have become his cash cow. He is using you. With minimal effort he has a place to live, food to eat, cigarettes, gas in his car, etc. Does he care for your children while you are at work? It would be cheaper to kick him to the curb.
I think that you already knew - before you wrote this message - that you were in a situation that needed drastic changes. Since you are living in your house any changes will require a lot of thought and planning.
After 4 years he probably feels he has some rights to the house and contents (whether he does or not). Most people usually feel they have done more than their share of financial support as well as their share of 'home' support.
You do not mention whether you have seriously discussed this situation and - most importantly - you do not mention if he helps with your children or if he even gets along with them. How do your children feel about him?
There are so many variables to consider that it would be impossible for any 'outside' person (like this site) to really give advice. Everyone can offer suggestions and quote 'what you should do' but only you really know your feelings and no one is walking in your shoes so reread Pghgirl's posting as I believe she has offered excellent advice.
One thing I would like to add as a caution; be very careful who you discuss these problems with as most regular people (friends maybe?) just cannot resist talking about things like this with other people (secrets are difficult to keep).
I have seen people in similar situations discuss their problems with someone and then stay in the situation. Generally you would not wish to be 'friends' any longer because your friend may nor feel you are a 'dodo' for putting up with this or they may start talking about how lazy your boyfriend is and why would you stay?
Just be sure you want someone to know all about your home life before starting that conversation.
I hope you can find a way to work through these problems without going through continuous arguments as these are not healthy for anyone and especially small children.
Be sure what ever the two of you decide that you are prepared to follow through with the plan.
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