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Resolving Conflict With Spouse?

My husband was abused and yelled at as a child by his father. He also had to endure the fact that I had an STD that I gave to him knowing I had it, but thought since it hadn't flared up in years and I didn't give it to anyone else that I could justify not telling him.

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We have been married for a year and a half and when we argue he always brings that up whether we are talking about it or not. He will get mad and say you're a whore, a tramp, and you're lucky I even stay with you. After all that keeping me up all night yelling and cussing he will say it's my fault for him acting the way he does. He also says it's my fault and my family's fault for him not being able to get a decent job when he has a domestic violence charge against him from me and that's what really is keeping him from getting a job. He hasn't hit me since we quit drinking together, but it seems he is in a argument that lasts all night degrading me every 2 to 3 weeks.

He has agreed to christian marriage counseling, which we go to. I feel scared to talk and tell my true feelings because we are in the same room and I'm afraid he might yell at me afterward if I seem like I'm pointing fingers at him.

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I work at night and he works days and I pay most all the bills because he can't find a decent paying job. He expects me to quit my job just because of people at work flirting with me which is going to happen because I'm a 29 year old server at a fine dining restaurant.

My question is, I'm getting really fed up. I'm 7 months pregnant and I want to work things out, but don't know that it will get better. Is my husband abusive or just very unforgiving? He shows signs of hope with counseling and not drinking, but he has a temper out of this world and his words cut like a knife and I don't want us to be like this when our little girl is born.

By Sasha from Tupelo, MS

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September 21, 20130 found this helpful

Your husband is abusive, and he has a bag of excuses to pretend he is not. All of the things you mentioned are forgivable and should be water under the bridge by now. Holding grudges and continually blaming is not what Christians do. It will always be all your fault.

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If only you this or if only you that. Go now while your life is less complex than it will be in the future. There are many helpful agencies that will help you plan and leave safely. Best of luck to you. Dont ever forget you deserve a happy life.

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Bronze Feedback Medal for All Time! 116 Feedbacks
September 21, 20130 found this helpful

Sasha,

He is definitely abusing you - mentally and financially, if not physically. It may be only a matter of time before the physical abuse returns. Do you want your daughter to be treated like he is treating you?

He has you convinced right now that everything is your fault, please know that is not true. He is being childish in not wanting to accept responsibility for the problems in his life.

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As far as not being able to find a "decent paying job," there are many men and women in the same situation in our country, but not all of them expect someone else to take care of them - they take lower paying jobs until they can find something better, or even work multiple jobs in order to make ends meet.

Please take care of yourself and your beautiful daughter to be and protect yourselves from harm. I do not know you, but you are in my prayers. May God bless you and help you to make the right decisions for your life.

(I've been there!)

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September 23, 20130 found this helpful

Verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse. It's all abuse. With physical abuse, he may go to jail, and your wounds might heal depending on how bad he has hurt you. Most likely he will not go to jail for the verbal or emotional abuse, but those are the wounds that will scar you forever.

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If you have to ask if you are being abused, then you are being abused.

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