My girlfriend and I have been together ever since 1993. Back in 2016 we decided to live in an apartment together. Back then I was making quite a bit more than she was so I was coming up with the rent. Now the rent is quite a bit higher and I don't know how to approach her. How I feel is we need to go 50/50 on everything, but I'm willing to pay 70/30 on the rent since I still do make a bit more than she does and then split everything else down the middle. I don't want to upset her though. The way I have been doing has worked for a while, but it's getting tougher. What should I do?
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The fairest way is to use a percentage method. If you make twice as much, then you pay twice as much.
So basically do the 70/30...but then would you suggest splitting like groceries and utilities down the middle then?
I am a fan of Suze Orman. She suggested splitting all expenses this way. For example, if you make $700 a week and your partner makes $300, that is $1000. You make 70% of the money and your partner makes 30%.
So - are you saying you have been footing the bill for all of the rent and you have been splitting everything else 50/50?
If that is the case then you should have a discussion about the rent and try to explain how it is getting tougher for you to pay the full rent payment and would like to discuss a (more fair?) plan to start sharing the rent.
The 70/30 sounds like a fair proposition to me but then I do not know how much this will affect her take home pay or how much she actually has left to contribute after she pays her 50/50 share of other expenses.
I feel sure this will not be a happy discussion for her so how the two of you will deal with the outcome is something only you and she can sort out.
You may have to decide if you wish to continue as is or whether you are going to take the chance that she will be upset and how will you handle "that situation" if/when she does.
I believe you already know that she will not be happy about this proposal and you are gathering "back up" material for when that happens.
Either bite the bullet and have the discussion or continue paying - either way, you need to decide so you can clear your mind and find better things to dwell on.
I suggest you sit down and have a heart to heart conversation that starts with I love you! Then lay out what you said about your family finances....using just the facts and covering what you said...that things are getting more expensive these days. Then ask how can you can both work together to make and keep a budget that everyone can live with. Then once you start living it, review it monthly to make sure it still works!
Put it down to paper (not like a contract) but do it as a project together so everyone is aware of the finances. Sometimes it helps to see it in writing that this bill is X a month, and this one is Y etc.
While you are at it, maybe there are things you can discuss of ways to save also...like ways to change the grocery budget (we recently slashed ours by chaning where we shopped from a big box store to one of the no name brand stores...we haven't looked back as the quality is close or even better than the big box brands. Other things to look at are can you cut your cable bill, reduce your cell phone bills, etc. There are always ways to save that can be painless and add money back into your budget!
I may not be like some, but if my hubby came to me and said we need to work together on this, I would be all in!
Keep the conversation in an open, non accusatory tone and really listen to what she says and if she is not understanding you, rephrase things gently until you are on the same page.
Every couple is different so don't focus so much on the percentages...but find common ground that works for both of you.
I will send up prayers that it all goes smoothly and that you resolve it easily!
I was in this position a long, long time ago and we calculated our take-home pay and did 70/30 house payments, 70/30 water and power, then 50/50 groceries. If you're very close in your relationship, you should calculate income as one big pile and make the payments so it's fair. When I tried this (above) it worked fine. When raises happened, things were adjusted.
I would talk it over with her, ask if SHE has any suggestions, I would make it so as she will be the one to come up with a fair solution, if she is a friend and would like to continue living together then I am sure you can come to some sort of agreeable solution !!
Talking $ is a touchy subject for some, but since you two have been together for a long time.
I would sit her down and bring up the topic that rent is higher now. Is there something we can do together to budget this? Or can she help out a little more, or come with up a possible solution.
If $$ are becoming tight for you; perhaps looking for a cheaper apartment would be an idea to consider or go 50/50 with all shared expenses. If g.f. gets upset, would she be able to afford being on her own and pay all expenses? That's another angle to look at. You are generous to carry more of the costs as the g.f.'s income is less than your own. With the cost of living on the rise, this problem you foresee is only going to get tougher...if spending dollars on frivolous living is happening, then cutting back is the thing to do.
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