Improving Family Relationships?

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Good communication and tolerance help make people get along better. This page is about improving family relationships.
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I am the youngest in my family with three older brothers, 2 years older, 11 years older, and 13 years older.

Of course it's normal for siblings to fight. And usually it's normal for the youngest, the one usually targeted for teasing to feel like their older siblings are crossing the line.

I am also currently 13 and recently had my first period so it could be that my hormones are raging, but I'm pretty sure the way my brothers treat me is not okay.

For example, my best friend stabbed me in the back recently. Of course I was devastated and I was crying. I got home, my parents comforted me, but I said I wanted to be left alone. I cried for about an hour and I pulled my self together to go eat dinner. I was on the verge of crying again, but I was holding back the tears. Like if I were to talk or if anyone were to trigger me a bit I would break down there. And as I was going down the stairs, I heard my parents explain to my brothers that I was fragile and that they should be nice to me. I was grateful since my brothers are always making fun of my mistakes and judging me. So I silently came down stairs and the first thing that my oldest brother said was "You done crying?" Then he whispered "little baby" I found the courage to say "that's really mean" I could feel the tears coming back "that's right. I'm your older brother, I have the right to be mean to you." I shouted that he doesn't and ran upstairs. I haven't talked to him since.

This isn't the only thing, seriously, they're always judging me. When I found out how much I love dancing and I asked them to come to my performance, they said "No, I have better things to do, like anything else." They take every chance to be mean to me, eat my food, hit me, and throw insults at me.

My friends tease me all the time too, but after a few minutes we're all laughing together so I don't mind. But my brothers, they tease me and after a few minutes I'm in pain and crying so... I mind!

What should I do? And how should I calm down during situations were I feel like I want to punch a hole in my wall or feel like breaking down in front of everyone?

Please share your thoughts, thank you so much.

Answers

December 29, 20191 found this helpful
Best Answer

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know older brothers can be quite mean at times but in some cases they carry it a bit too far. I was the oldest in my home and it was basically up to me to protect my younger brothers. I was the big sister and not the big brother. I had my moments when I would be mean to my younger brothers and a few times I was down right horrible to them. In your case you are the only girl in the family and the boys may feel that your mom and dad stick up for you a bit more than they do for them. I feel it is time now to fight back. When they go to take your food do not let them do this. Stand up for yourself and tell them no it is yours and take it and leave. Do not let them push you around.

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This is one reason they do it. They know they can get away with it so now it is time to show them they can no longer do this. If they do a few mean things to you fight back. I had a friend when I was growing up and her older brothers were down right horrible to her. So we use to think of ways to get them back. We hid things of theirs, even put water in their shoes, and put mud in their coat pockets. Nothing to bad but it worked and the boys started to leave her alone. One time she did go a bit far and when one of her brothers who was the meanest was sleeping she put glue in their hair. I would not suggest this one, but I would suggest doing small things to them like when they go to make some food walk by and grab it and run. Show them how it feels to have their food taken away.

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Anonymous
December 30, 20190 found this helpful
Best Answer

Family members ganging up on you for what? Just because they are boys, older and more of them. Sure doesn't merit approval or being right by any means. These boys need their father to set them straight and both parents should address all issues of poor behavior shown toward you. Teasing is one thing, but to be constantly picking at you. Reminds me of a group of roosters attacking one hen and never letting up....I really sympathize with you and hope your parents can do something about your siblings to end this. You are being bullied at home and it's not ending, at school one can finally say something to end it.

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As soon as you see an inkling of the boys starting to pick on you, walk away and go to one of the parent figures, so they can stop them before it escalates. Boys also want to get a reaction out of you and so far are succeeding. You either cry, look hurt or holler out in retaliation. That's what they want from you; don't give it to them and by all means don't dance to their steps. Learn how to stop them by not doing what they expect you to do. You will take them off guard. It isn't always doing with words, but with actions taken. Be tougher emotionally than they are. Get some books on how to stop the bully figure. There's always one in every group; go after that one and when you conquer the bully, others will back off.

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Answer this Question...

How do you get along with relatives when they make everything an opposite meaning of what you say to them. Since they misinterpret things I say they got angry and cut my family and I out of their life. They blocked e-mail accounts for revenge. It hurt my girls' feelings because they can't send mail to cousins. They don't care.

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They say it's my fault, that I hurt their feelings because I "ran my mouth to them". I only gave them advice, recommendations, and opinions of my point of view. That's all.

By Trudy from Trout Run, PA

Answers

March 20, 20100 found this helpful

I would leave them alone. I've been there, good luck.

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March 20, 20100 found this helpful

Did they ask for this advice, recommendations, and points of view?

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March 20, 20100 found this helpful

I agree with kffrmw88, I'd leave them alone. I have a mother and a sister who both act that way. What your relatives are doing to you is what is known as manipulative guilt. They make you look like the guilty party, and it's always your fault.

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You would be better off with a nice circle of friends than to deal with dysfunctional relatives.

By the way, I have nothing to do with my mother and sister. I have peace of mind, and I'm not allowing them to drive me nuts.

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March 22, 20100 found this helpful

I understand the hurt. Although my brother and I was very very close until marriage our relationship is now almost non existent due to his wife of 28 years. No matter the circumstances she is "hurt". She is hurt because she was not emailed at the same time, hurt because he knew something she did not, hurt because we discussed elderly mom and did not include her, hurt because, well you name it she is "hurt". I have always tried to include her, tried to extent a hand of friendship but her jealously makes it hard on my brother.

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After all of these years I do what they call "pass & re-pass". I'm sad about it but I realize that she is his wife and he is bound to her and I just don't need the friction. My children are not close to their cousins either because of this. They have a network of friends that although not biologic are family to them. I guess what I'm trying to say is so folks just gotta blame someone. Don't make yourself a target. I do have contact with my brother and sigh. I do copy his wife and call their home phone so she can listen I only talk about non controversial topic and if one heats up. I quickly have a reason I've gotta go.

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March 22, 20100 found this helpful

Oh my, this is a good one. Believe me when I say I have been there done that. I have learned through experience that sometimes a person is better off just avoiding people who cause trouble. You can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives. I tend to try and do what Thumper's father told him to do - "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." God Bless.

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March 23, 20100 found this helpful

I am not in your particular situation but my sister and I have problems. No matter what subject you bring up, she has a better way of doing things and everything I do is wrong. I don't ask for her opinion, she just gives it. It is just easier not to communicate with her. If she would look around and ask why she has no friends and her children virtually ignore her, she would see that she has a problem. It just saves my sanity to not have any contact.

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